Pour Your Heart Out - A new kind of normal

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out. It is a place to just get whatever is weighing on your heart out. Please be kind to all of the posters.

Ever since my dad's hospital stay my life has not been the same - at all. There was a time there right before I found out I was carrying Jellybean that I was ready to go to my doctor to ask him to prescribe me something - anything - to deal with the constant worrying and anxiety I was feeling about my daddy. I honestly wasn't able to think of anything else. I would call my dad 6 or so times a day. My life and mind were a constant case of what ifs and I was sure no one else understood what I was going through. I was driving everyone including myself and my poor dad crazy and I just couldn't relax. I think in a way God sent me precious Jellybean as a way to distract me and tell me that life has to go on no matter what the outcome of the situation is with my dad.


My life has taken on a new kind of normal ever since all that happened though. I pray often throughout the day and mostly for my father's health. I fully understand we are all given a limited amount of time on this earth but I'm not ready to part with my dad anytime soon. I still call him more often. It's usually about three times a day now instead of the six. I don't think I can cut down more than that. I take my phone with me everywhere - JUST IN CASE. Taking the dog for a quick walk? Yup - that phone is with me. Heading to bed? It's on my nightstand and always charged. Life has a semblance of what it used to be but there's an underlying current of fear there. We know that my dad still needs multiple surgeries to fix him up. We cannot do any of these until we know if he will be approved for patient assistance or not. If not we have to pursue disability for him which is another long waiting process that he may not have time for. It’s a cruel, cruel waiting game. There are also no guarantees with any of this. All we have for sure is today - there is no promise of tomorrow.

I've learned through this ordeal to be more hopeful and to truly believe that God can and does work miracles. I believe that through God's grace my dad's carotid artery which was completely occluded and needed a crazy EC/IC bypass surgery will show a 99% occlusion on his next ultrasound and he will instead be able to instead either have an endarterectomy or stenting. I also believe that this miracle inside me was definitely a miracle from God after all of our struggles to conceive. I also feel that these two miracles together mean that God thinks Jellybean and his/her future siblings need their grandfather around for a long while still and he is just helping all of the pieces fall into place. Once we get all this sorted out maybe the worry and anxiety will slowly begin to fade too.

(PS - Jellybean's big reveal should come around three PM today! How excited are we???)

PINT - Breaks, Sprains, and Pains

Happy PINT to everyone!

5 days to go and Five Question Friday

Can you guys believe it? 5 flippen days to the big u/s! I can't wait! The magic 8 ball was being very elusive at work when I asked it gender questions today. My answers were either -



or


So I guess I am stuck waiting for now. I had an OB appt on Tuesday and all looked well. My weight hasn't really changes so I'm still up only about 5 lbs. I'm really starting to fill out though. I actually had to crop the photos below since my ass has apparently exploded in size and was peeking out the bottom of the shorts I had on. Hubby of course loves it. Heartbeat was in the 150s. Doctor suggested I cut back on carbs in the evening to keep me and baby smaller. I tried it one night and woke up with the worst morning sickness I've had yet. That was the end of that experiment. So here are the 15 week photos -










This afternoon I'm off to battle patient assistance at the hospital for my dad again. Pray for us and wish us luck. He really needs to get his carotid ultrasound and vascular surgery done so we need him to finally be approved.

Now for a Friday tradition -





Mama M over at My Little Life hosts 5QF so go visit her and join in the fun!

1. Have you ever visited another country?

Yep - I've been to Poland and Yugoslavia. That was over 20 years ago though so my memories are quite limited. I had a blast in Poland though since we went camping in a cabin for two weeks which was quite a treat for a little girl being raised in Brooklyn, NY.

2. Where is the strangest place you have ever been?

I can say that I am completely out of my element when the hubby and I go to Mississippi. I try to fit in but I am a complete fish out of water there. I think you have to have been raised in the South to get it there.

3. What is your favorite season?

Fall - without a doubt. It finally cools off in Florida and my birthday, the Fair and Thanksgiving! LOVE IT!

4. What one song will always cheer you up?

I really can't pick just one. Most oldies will do it along with 80s music. Build me up Buttercup, The Beatles, Wham, UB 40, Debbie Gibson - they all have a special place in my heart.

5. What Disney character do you resemble most?

I have no idea...

PYHO - This is what you get, make the most of it

It seems I'm starting with apologies pretty often lately. I so did not get around to commenting on PINT last night. I meant to - I really did. But after taking the dog on two walks due to his crappy problem, cooking him a special dinner of brown rice, beef broth and dry bread due to that problem and also cooking our dinner of chicken and dumplings - I sat down on the couch where my wonderful hubby took pity on me and watched "Make it or Break it" with me and only moved again to climb in to bed. Maybe tonight I'll actually comment on both PINT and PYHO? I'm thinking grilled cheese and tomato soup with a salad for dinner so I should actually have the time to do it.

On to my post for today -

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out.

Click over to her to read the Rules.

Katie over at Confessions of a Young Married Couple is one of my favorite bloggers. She has a great sense of humor and writing style. Her family recently went through a BIG change moving from Conneticut to Florida in order to be closer to family. While the move was a mutual decision there has been an adjustment phase that she has been blogging about. She calls it Operation: Bloom Where You're Planted.

I can definitely understand being out of sorts due to big changes happening in life. We are going through a bit of that ourselves. Joey and I have always done everything quickly in our relationship. We started dating in December of 2006 and we moved in together in July of 2007 but we were pretty much inseparable from the beginning, in May of 2008 we got married, bought a car together in April of 2009, bought our house in September of 2009 and got pregnant in May of 2010. Yep all that in a little over 3 years. Its been a huge blessing but overwhelming at the same time.

One of the things this pregnancy has caused is a change in our priorities. Babies are expensive. So is owning a house. I have lists a mile long of what I need to budget for - insurance, day care, new doors for the house, a hot water heater, AC condenser, new tires on my car, car registration, new furniture, diapers, clothes, paint, on and on it goes! It gets to me sometimes and I'm scared to see how we make it all work. I realized though that I can let these fears overpower me or I can learn to be happy with what I do have and make the best of it - no matter what!

Take for instance the new furniture wish. When Joey and I moved into the house the lady had left behind her living room furniture. Which consists of this lovely 70s print -

 Gorgeous right? See but the thing is - our couches were pretty beat up too and Joey didn't feel like moving them. We were going to get new furniture that looked like this -



with our tax return anyway so we figured we would just make do with the ugly furniture. Well Joey's dental work totally wiped out any hopes of new furniture so I got creative and came up with this instead (Cost - about $20 worth of fabric from Wal-mart and some straight pins until Joey finds his staple gun)

I actually really like the way the furniture looks now and if I can find another chair or recliner that's affordable I can probably live with this furniture for a few more years. Amazing what a little creativity can do!

Does that mean I'm going to stop wanting for nicer things and having dreams of winning the lottery? No probably not. But I have come to terms that I have all this to be thankful for -

The hubby

Our beautiful home and cars. (Don't those trees just scream for a wooden swing between them? I think I know what Joey's next project will be!)

My indestructible bunny Phebes that is still thumpin at 10 years old.

An almost 17 lb ball of fluff that gives me unconditional love.

This guy who is so grateful for the bland meals and frequent walks he has been getting after the Chicken Pot Pie incident.

and my sweet Jellybean growing away inside of me and turning my whole world upside down. (Along with the flour on my shirt from making chicken and dumplings...)

So, would I love to have a home where everything matches, it has a particular style and not 18,000 unfinished projects due to a lack of money. Sure. But then I remember everything I do have - my wonderful family 20 minutes away, my health, a good job, friends etc and I'm pretty sure I can be just as happy where I am now.

PINT - When I was 17

My apologies in advance if I take awhile commenting on your PINT and commenting back to you today. I have an ob appt and a super busy day at work so I probably won't get around to it until tonight! Happy PINT to all of you though!

Chicken Pot Pie, Pyrex Dishes, and the dog

I thought I would offer you a recap of my very interesting weekend. By interesting I mean gross, disgusting and you may want to stop reading. Because I love my readers and would hate to lose followers I am sparing you any pictures of the events which transpired. Trust me - you will be thanking me for this later.

On Wednesday I made a chicken pot pie for dinner. Which my dad ate a slice of and Joey and I ate none. I didn't get to eat it because I had to pick up my Mom, sister, and nephew from the airport and Joey was passed out in the living room so he didn't eat either. I reheated it on Thursday for dinner, we ate and then I went to bed. Joey didn't clean it up which meant it sat out on the counter all day Friday. Including when Joey and I decided to make a run to Lowe's.

As I have mentioned before my dog is sweet, lovable and stupid. He also has a very sensitive stomach. Which is why I knew nothing good could come of what was going to happen after we walked int he door to a shattered Pyrex dish all over the floor and not a trace of chicken pot pie. Blue was smart for a second and ran to hide in his crate while Joey bitched and moaned and I just resigned myself to clean up duty.

Given Blues sensitive stomach I was surprised that he wasn't...ummm "going" all night Friday and all day Saturday. That is until we took him on a five mile or so walk Saturday night when we decided to go to Sonic...and it rained on us while we were walking back...and now my back hurts like a *****! I'm not exaggerating when I say Blue "went" 7 times during this walk. Then again Sunday morning and afternoon. You figure we would have been fine when we put him in his crate for about 4 hours to go to my mom and dad's right? OH NO.

I came come to an explosion all over the crate. Not what you want to smell when you're pregnant. More griping from Joey while I again clean up. Then I walked Blue two more times before bed. He also woke me up once during the night to go outside and I still woke up to dog $^*! in the guest bathroom. (Insert Joey's bitching here) Cleaned up while gagging. Walked the dog AGAIN. Then locked him the guest bath with newspaper on the floor and lots of water. I'm hoping the worst is over. He's been eating and drinking fine and hasn't been lethargic so I'm not to worried. I'll probably give him some Immodium tonight and see what happens.

Now aren't you glad I spared you the pictures?

So - what did you do this weekend?

Five Question Friday and other nonsensical information

Let me start with an apology. I have been utter shite at commenting back and reading other blogs this week. If you feel neglected - you are in good company. I haven't been online much and I hope to catch up with all of you soon. I went to bed at 8pm last night after two days of not getting nearly enough sleep for a preggo lady. Those ten hours I got were divine and I feel fricken amazing now. The heat down here has been unbearable and mix that in with a lack of sleep and you get one tired lady. I have already given my dad strict instructions to not be outside at all today because it is supposed to be disgusting out. Poor Joey doesn't have a choice. Wednesday he came home and passed out around 5pm then slept until 6 the next morning - that's how badly the heat wiped him out. I am actually hoping for a tropical storm to give us a break.

Thursday meant 14 weeks for Jellybean and me. Here's the obligatory belly shot. I had to use hubby's camera so the quality kind of sucks. Sorry bout that.


I feel very preggo lately. My back pain has returned with a vengeance. Here's a cute update I pulled off a message board I belong to -

How far along are you? 14 weeks!!!

Total weight gain/loss? I think I'm still around 6lbs or so

Waist measurement (if you want to share!) I have no idea - its bigger lol. I don't know what it was before either though

Upcoming Appointments? 8/10 OB, 8/18 anatomy scan

Are you in Maternity clothes? A few shirts and I really need to find some pants that will fit me comfortably

How are you sleeping? Like crap and I'm not getting enough sleep either. Makes me super crabby.

Food cravings? comfort food lately, mashed potatoes with gravy, chicken pot pie, etc

Food Aversions? overly sweet things - like if my ice tea is too sweet

Pregnancy symptoms? Fatigue, a little nausea at times, peeing, bloating, I could go on....

Weekly BOOO HOOOO? My dad's bp dropped suddenly yesterday and he hasn't been feeling too hot with this heat. I'm trying to convince him to file for disability but now I know where my stubbornness came from!


Weekly WHOO HOOO? I'm actually starting to look pregnant!

Have you picked out a theme for the nursery? We went back to Classic Winnie the Pooh since someone is giving us all her bedding and stuff.

What irritating advice/comments have you already gotten this pregnancy? Sleep now. You won't get to later! (Really, you don't say!) You think you have a bump now? Just wait. (Yea, I was assuming it would grow...)

Now on to 5QF -




Mama M over at My Little Life hosts 5QF so go visit her and join in the fun!

1. Are you a neat sleeper or a messy sleeper?

I'm messy - especially now that I'm pregnant. I flail, pull covers on and off, look for comfortable positions, adjust pillows, etc. The animals start fleeing the bed for safety. the worst part is Joey is the same. Its a common occurrence in our home to hear sorry muttered through out the night as we mistakenly (or sometimes on purpose if someone is snoring loudly!!) kick, punch and elbow each other.

2. Fill in the blank. I wish I was more ________________.

Social. We are so busy with work and our house that we rarely get to hang out. I'm hoping to change that soon as we search for a church and get out more.

3. What is something that you wish you had been warned about?

How overwhelming owning your own house can be at times. We have lists miles long of what we would like to do and a serious lack of funds to do it with!

4. What was the best thing you ever found at a garage sale/flea market?

I've had lots of great finds from furniture to decorations. I can't think of a best thing at the moment but I know that I'll be adding to my collection soon. I'm hoping to find a sectional on craigslist soon.

5. If you could have any meal brought to you right now, what would it be?
I just ate some doughnuts and a cold glass of milk so right now- nothing. For lunch I want comfort food again. I totally see mashed potatoes in my future!