I'm not a Duggar

We had a wonderful Saturday with my family belatedly celebrating my birthday. Jellybean even let everyone hold him and play with him. Hubby watched him in the morning so I could finally get a haircut. ( My first since June!)

Then that night Jellybean started running a fever. Teething was in full force. My sister was being a sweetie and was rubbing Jellybean's back while he fussed. Finally they too had to leave so it was just me and the hubby. Snuggling with the Jellybean because he's extra snuggly when he doesn't feel good. So as Jellybean burrowed into Joey's chest I hear him say. "Daddy want's more babies. We should have like 10 more."

Remember how I said on Friday my ovaries were begging for another?

Well upon hearing that they started screaming.

IN PROTEST!

I think I will be holding some fierce negotiations in the future. I mean the man works until 7 at night most nights so of course he can have 10 more. He only get a SNUGGLY, TIRED Jellybean. I deal with hungry, cranky teething Jellybean. Who gave me a whopping 4 hours of sleep last night with the teething.

I'm not a Duggar. We're stopping at 4. TOPS.

Let me close this with a question for the extended breastfeeding mom's. I've been without a cycle in the 10.5 months I've been breastfeeding the Jellybean. I thought my cycle was coming back last week since I did spot for two days but then nothing at all. Anyone have that happen ever? Is it my body just tuning up to get going again?

Because my fear is that it was implantation spotting and I'm not ready for #2 yet. I mean you did just read about 4 hours of sleep up there Right?

Tell me that's not it.

I didn't kill him!

I almost killed the hubby last night.

I was really, really tempted to. But then I had Jellybean to think of. It was his bed time and I didn’t want to have to stick Jellybean in his car seat and drive him all over the place while I figured out how to dispose of the body. Plus the hubby is heavy and dead bodies are all floppy and stuff. I'd have to empty my trunk out too and that could take a while!

So I let him live. But it was a close call.

Joey came home in a FINE mood last night.

Mind you, I said nothing when he decided to stop for a haircut and other guy fumbling things on the way home.

That is despite the fact that I was covered in spitup since Jellybean wanted to share with me at lunch and it had indeed soaked through my pants. Didn't say a word when he got in the shower before me.

I even started dinner even though it was his turn to cook.

Then I finished making dinner too while he dug holes on MY side of the yard without asking me for permission.

I didn't even throw sharp objects at him when he yelled at me for closing the bathroom door. Which I hadn't. I closed the door to the Jellybean's room so the cat wouldn't get in his crib AGAIN.

He assumed through the shower curtain that it must have been his door though because he was mad.

And he needed someone to be MAD at.

I was the only one there.

I wanted to be a bitch right back to him. I really did.

But I couldn't.

I know why he's mad.

I know he's hurting and scared.

And I know it has nothing to do with me.

So I let him be mad. I called him out on taking it out on me but I let him be mad.

Then I tiptoed around him when he fell asleep on the couch.

I didn't even get upset that I was the one up all night with a coughing Jellybean.

This is one of those times where I can't share what is bothering my hubby because this is MY blog and he deserves HIS privacy. I'm not excusing his bad attitude.

But I understand it.

If he put up with the hormonal mess I was through Clomid and then pregnancy.

I can be on the receiving end once in awhile too, I guess.

Pocket Dials

The hubby just pocket dialed for the 93750947809750 time this week.

I felt compelled to send the following text message -

Dear Hubby's Ass,
Your conversations with me suck and it seems like you're not listening to anything I say which hurts my feelings. I think its best if you quit calling me.

Love, The Wifey

I think it was a fully justified text and I can guarantee he chuckled when he finally got it. Maybe, just maybe he'll finally lock the darn phone too!

My life..with the Grouch

Wait - before you read any further! Have you voted yet today? That’s right you can vote EVERY day! Jellybean is a finalist in the weekly photo contest for Parents.com and he needs your vote! Could you please take a minute to vote for him and ask a friend to do the same? Thanks in advance!

VOTE HERE - than tweet it, Facebook it, help a kiddo out!

If you are visiting me from one of the zillion blog hops I have decided to do today – Welcome! I’m Diana, Married to Joey and mom to Jellybean. I use to be really good at this blogging thing and then I went and had a baby. Now it seems I lack both the brain power and time to regularly churn out blog posts worthy of reading…Sigh… I’m working on it though. Anywho I’m glad you are visiting and hope you stay awhile. Make yourself at home, poke around a bit and feel free to ask if you find anything amiss!

I mentioned earlier this week that I had been staying at my sister’s house since Friday. Joey was repainting the house and tackling a few other projects so we figured Jellybean didn’t need to be around all the dust, fumes and mess. There was another reason too though. He finally started medication to deal with this. And has been a grizzly bear for the past few weeks. Ornery, moody and just downright unhappy.

I needed a break from it and he thought it would be a good idea too. I figured after being gone for 5 days things would be better.

WRONG!

Apparently this process is going to take awhile. We aren’t even two weeks into it yet so I need to be patient but man is it hard. Right now I try not to talk to him too much since everything is a fight. He hates that he’s like this right now and is working on it but these things take time. To be honest y’all – I’d love to just run away to my sister’s house until he has everything wrapped up in a pretty bow and its all better. I don’t have the energy to deal with everything else on top of work and taking care of Jellybean. He’s not in a good enough place yet to be able to really help me out as much as I needed so I feel stretched so thin in every direction.

I came home yesterday expecting the house to be finished and put back together again and it wasn’t. I almost cried. No sheets on the beds. Stuff stacked in Jellybean’s playpen. Everything piled up in the middle of the dining room.

When exactly am I supposed to get around to putting my house back together again? I was having enough trouble just keeping up with daily chores. Now this.

Ugh.

I think I may just be ready for my first adult beverage in a year. With an umbrella. Frozen and fruity.

 Source: Stockfood.com

Who’s meeting me for Happy Hour?

Strange Things Happen

Strange things happen when you become a parent.

Your checking account suddenly sees balances that it hadn’t seen since you were in college and you were justifying that bar tab.

Your washing machine starts working overtime.

Your house looks like Babies R Us got Montezuma’s Revenge – baby stuff EVERYWHERE.

You think nothing of catching vomit and spit up with your  bare hands.

The biggest shocker for me –

Your husband, who was vehemently against cloth diapering and insisted you would have to keep disposables around just for him while you were pregnant is heard touting all the benefits of cloth to a friend of his with a three week old.

Yes – it happened. The hubby is all about the cloth.

He rinses them out without flinching. Has learned how to snap them onto Jellybean in two seconds flat.

And he even talks to others about it.

Why? We use All-In-Ones at home – they are easy peasy – just like a disposable but reuseable – thus saving us moola. Once you’ve gone through enough disposable diapers and see the outrageous price for something you are just going to throw away, well its easy to become a fan. We had to use disposables much longer than we planned to since they don’t make cloth for Preemies. I stared longingly at my cloth diaper stash every time I bought another pack of Pampers. But Jellybean was taking his sweet time at growing into them. Finally one day we snapped one on and they fit.

So now at home we use cloth while at daycare and out and about we have disposables. He goes to daycare in a cloth and they send it home with him in a bag. Jellybean prefers his cloth diapers. They are more comfortable and feel oh-so-soft against his skin. Me – I don’t think its any more work. Breastfed baby poop isn’t all that gross and it rinses out really easily. I’m already doing a TON of laundry and its not like I ever get all my clothes put away anyhow. So washing a load of diapers is NO BIG DEAL.

What is a big deal? We aren’t going to run out of diapers at 9pm forcing a run when we’re tired. We aren’t spending tons of money on something that will just get thrown out. When we are ready for #2 – “Jujube” – we can use them again.

Hubby pointed all of this out to his buddy who still isn’t convinced. I laugh and say ha – you wait until you have to buy that jumbo pack and realize you just spent $50 on diapers and wipes alone.

Those cloth diapers are going to look pretty appealing then.

Next step – making our own baby food.

PYHO - Coming clean

I have decided I must be crazy. You will understand why in a moment.

First, I need to reveal a few things that I haven't before on here. Coming clean if you must.

So my dear Joey, that I love to the ends of the earth and drives me crazy better than anyone else out there? Well, he's no angel. In fact he made ALOT of mistakes in his life. To the tune of he spent six years in prison before I met him. I'm not going to lie - that scared the bejeezus out of me when we first met and I almost didn't go out with him. Then I realized that he was honest enough to tell me that about himself the first day we met. He obviously wasn't trying to hide it and wasn't I taught that only God can judge?

He also has had his battles with addiction. You know how they say someone comes by it honestly? He does. That gene runs pretty deep in his family and as he put it - there were three things to do growing up where he did  - Drink, Fight, and well, it rhymes with Duck. In the first year we were together he received word of at least four or five friends overdosing and passing away. Its not a pretty demon to fight or one he likes but he is aware that it is always licking at his heels and most of the time he does a good job of keeping it at bay but sometimes - it gets the best of him. I know when its happening and he is quick to recognize it to. It puts a strain on our marriage at times.

I married him for better or for worse though. I truly believe that God chose to put us together because I am capable of drawing out the best in him and making him walk the line. I don't take shit from anyone and I am hard on him. He tends to thrive in those situations though. He knows I mean what I say and say what I mean. Sometimes I could put it across in a more flattering way but my emotions don't always allow that.

So the birth of Jellybean definitely shook up our relationship. Joey was used to being the number one priority in my life and I definitely catered to him in that. I allowed him to get away with a lot more and basically took care of him as if he was another child. When Jellybean came along that all changed. My priority became this child who was helpless and Joey, well he could fend for himself. Basically it was time to grow up and that didn't go well. We fought...often. I decided after four years of bailing him out every time he got in trouble I was done. When he mismanaged his money and didn't have it to pay child support for his other son. I didn't either this time. I had hospital bills to pay, day care and I wasn't even back to work yet. I also didn't have the money to fix his truck when it broke down. He got upset with me in the car once and said he would rather just walk - 12 miles home. I let him.

Before Jellybean when he would pull those emotional stunts I would drive around and then come pick him up. This time I let him walk it out. He made it home 4 hours later.

That was the catalyst for change. I think somewhere in that four hour walk in the Florida heat he realized that it was time to start acting like an adult. That Jellybean is more important than anything else could ever be. He sees now that he needs to be responsible for himself and that it is not my job to take care of him.

In the past few weeks the transformation in him as a husband and a Dad has been phenomenal. I think him taking the time to really parent Jellybean and be a part of the decision making process with him has empowered him in a way. Before I was doing all the parenting and he just felt like a babysitter at times. Now we do it together. I truly think he is capable of maintaining this change. I am going to hold him accountable and be there to support him - which is different then enabling him. I let him know when I am proud of him and why. I also let him know what I expect of him and why.

So why am I crazy, you ask? Well even with all the stress and uncertainty that I've endured in the past three months. I am already thinking of the next baby. I can say without a doubt that I am not done at one. I'm breastfeeding still and it will be awhile before my cycles come back but if after a year we are still doing well, I really hope I am announcing the upcoming arrival of Jujube as a brother or sister to Jellybean. Knowing that it took me almost two years to get pregnant with Jellybean I will start trying again sooner rather than later. Pray for us that God keeps working his miracles and gives us the foundation and support we need to keep this family intact and growing.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

PINT - I swear he asked me to!

 

Because I'm petty like that!

I'm putting this down as a W for me.

He washed his dishes and did his laundry.

Can we say VICTORY?

Conversations with Jellybean will be up later this afternoon - I have an u/s at 2:30 so he's going to hopefully be showing his pretty face to all of you again!

PINT - Justifiable Homicide

 

What's working for us....

If you are here for ICLW - Welcome - my story is here.

As you might remember I whined to all of you last month about the hubby not helping me out enough around the house. It wasn't pretty. I got heated quite a few times about it after that. Then somewhere along the way things fell into place for us. We started to figure out a system that's working - for us.

The first part that probably made a difference is that I am OBVIOUSLY pregnant now. Joey is a visual person and I think when the belly made its grand I'm not going away appearance it triggered something in his head. The bigger part of the equation was changing my way of thinking. I am my mother's child which makes me somewhat of a neat freak. I use to have my clothing organized my style and color in my closet with different hangers for each. Being a neat freak doesn't work when you are pregnant and married with a house full of pets. I let the clutter buildup over the week now. THE WORLD ISN'T GOING TO END just because there are four pairs of shoes hanging out in the living room.

I learned to speak up too. If I come home and I am too tired to cook dinner - I tell Joey. He is usually more than happy to cook dinner instead. Yes the kitchen may be a mess afterward but the dishes are not going to walk off in the middle of the night and stage a strike just because no one washed them immediately. In fact they are always still waiting for me at the end of the next day. I also learned to split up my tasks. One day I might do laundry, another I'll wash dishes or sweep. I can digest small bites of house work.

The biggest part of the equation though was learning to let Joey do it his way too. Take Sunday morning for instance. Jellybean woke me up at 6:30am to let me know we were 10 seconds away from peeing the bed and after that I couldn't fall back asleep. In fact, I was laying in bed thinking of how the second bathroom really needed a good scrub down. So I woke up and started some crazy nesting. In 4 hours time I did as many loads of laundry, swept, mopped, washed dishes, dusted (including the tops of the kitchen cabinets and all the knick knacks) cleaned the bunny cage, organized all of Joey's tattoo desk and scrubbed that entire bathroom down including wiping the walls down with the magic eraser.

Sundays though are usually my day for going and hanging out with my parents so when 10:30 rolled around I knew I needed to wrap it up. Joey was still in bed snoozing away. Sunday is my day for letting him sleep in. He wakes up for work at 4:30 five days a week so he deserves to have a day where he can be lazy. Just because I am up bright and early it doesn't mean he needs to follow suit. So instead of storming in there and starting to bitch at him for still being in bed and look at everything I did already (which I use to do) I leave him a note with the things I didn't get to. So yesterday's list had these chores for him -

-vacuum (including behind the couch since I dusted)
-clean our bathroom
-strip the bed (I couldn't do it with him in it!)
-put away the dishes
-clean his son's room (he let the neighbor's kids come over and play and they left it a hot mess)
- make dinner

So I left him the note, snuck a kiss in and headed over to see my rents. I didn't call and bug him to see what time he woke up or nag to see if he was taking care of my honey do list. A 32 year old man doesn't need me babysitting him. Instead I have learned to trust that he will take care of it because he loves me.

And of course he did what I asked and more.

I think most of the changing had to do with me and not him. He is more open to helping me and being my partner when I started showing him that I trusted him and stopped nagging and harping on him. I realized that he rarely did that to me and that the more respect we show for each other the better we get along. Just because he doesn't do things on my schedule or the way I would doesn't mean its wrong. Just different.

Besides who can argue when your house looks this good from the work you did together?

And yes - he made Fried Green Tomatoes all by himself and they were delicious!