A Week of Mondays

Remember last week where I was a rock star and posted three days in a row?

Well I hope you weren't hoping that was the start of a habit or something. You didn't expect me to become predictable and reliable did you?

Ain't happening.

I'm a working mom of a toddler and a 33 year old man child in the hubby.

Also my dear friends. This week is shaping up to be a week of Mondays.

Today is my second Monday in a row.

And it sucks. Donkey balls.

I hate when work interferes with my blogging.

Then there is life at home too.

Like take this morning for instance. I was ready to walk out the door (early!) with Jellybean I had our bags ready and was about to walk over and scoop him off when I hear him let out a cry.

Then I watched the water cascade through the dining room.

My beloved Jellybean had managed to drag the dog's water bowl over..through the baby gate... and dump it out all over himself and the floor.

Early no more. It was time for an outfit change and then breaking the speed limit on the way to day care.

His old day care..which may stay his day care despite my breaking up post last week. After his trial day at a different place yesterday I'm just not sure. I think its a case of the grass is always greener. So I'm putting off that decision for now.

Back to my week of Mondays - today at work - has been shitastic. One mess after another to sort through and try to clean up. Which always, always, always falls on my department. I'm so over it. All I hear is how procedures need to change but heaven forbid we ever actually implement and follow those changes. 

Last night was pretty shitastic too. I got home at 5:30 and FINALLY sat down on the couch to relax at 9:30. Dinner, dishes, bath, playtime, bed time, today's lunches and dinners all took precedence over my relaxation. I did take the time to hide the rest of the ice cream under the frozen veggies though. Someone ate way more than his share already.

(End rant)

The fact that good old Aunt Flo came back on Friday after 22 months without her probably is not helping my mood at all.

So positive notes in all this -

Dinner is in the crock pot at home so I can feed the ravenous Jellybean as soon as we walk through the door.

There are minimal chores I need to do tonight.

We can start trying for Jujube when we feel the time is right.

I got us caught up on our mortgage.

I played hide and seek with Jellybean before work this morning and got to start the day off with his sweet giggles.

I'm one day closer to winning the lottery and never having to face a Monday again!

Doing it Right

I have always been a bit of a Type A personality.

I know you are shocked. You never saw that one coming. (despite the million and one posts about how anal retentive I am with my color coded calendars and the hives I break out in when someone else puts my dishes away!)

So when it came to my adult life. I always had a plan in mind.

My life was always going to be get married, buy a house, have a baby. And of course with that came have a good job, make sure I can afford the baby, have health insurance, etc.

So that is exactly what I did.

Because I feel like I owe it to society as a whole to be responsible about my life choices. The last thing we need is to take on something we can’t handle and expect all of you to pay for it. So I didn’t.

That would be why I was shocked and appalled when someone I know (calling this person a friend would be a stretch) asked when we would be having #2!

They had a baby a few months before us.

While living with his family.

On Medicaid.

Only one partner working – so they can qualify for aid.

Getting married in the future (did I mention they can’t support themselves yet?)

And plan on trying for another in the next year.

OMG – I was speechless. But I shouldn’t have been. I should have seen it coming. They have made comments before. I mentioned something about the price of daycare being why we couldn’t go out. Because they leave the baby with their free live in babysitters and go out a lot. Flit around here there and everywhere. I firmly believe that once you have a child the going out and doing things on your own needs to be limited anyhow, I mean you chose to have a child so they are after all your responsibility. My response though was I would love to stay home but we have all those very adult responsibilities to take care of that won’t allow it.

A mortgage – which quite honestly gets paid late sometimes. Thank goodness for the 15 day grace period!

Homeowners Insurance. Car payments and insurance. Health insurance for all three of us. Pets. Credit cards. Student loans. Electricity. Cell phone. Groceries.

Shoot, I cut out cable tv to save money.

If I didn’t have a mortgage to pay, we might be able to swing me staying home. But we wouldn’t have health insurance. And that isn’t a risk I am willing to take. Then again if they had to pay rent and all those other bills – they wouldn’t have the luxury to stay home either. Joey’s company is finishing up all the jobs they have right now and he isn’t 100% sure there are more jobs behind it. He is actively searching for other employment options just in case because that is a very scary possibility for us.

I cut corners in every way I can. I cloth diaper. I make Jellybean’s baby food now that he has started solids. I breastfeed and plan on continuing until he is at least a year old.

Still there seems to be more going out then coming in most months.

So do we want more kids?

Without a doubt, yes.

But they too come with a plan. This year we should make a significant dent in our debt. Then once Jellybean is a year old, we can start trying again. Because when he is two, he can move to the toddler room for daycare and it is a little cheaper there. So we can look at how to stretch that budget a little more.

Maybe Jujube will be so cute that they will watch her for free? (Shh..quit snickering!)

But rest assured dear friends – we are only going to take on what we can manage on our own. Because it’s not your responsibility to pay for the kids I want to have.

And don’t worry – you won’t catch me at the bar anytime soon either.

Although – I am known to get pretty drunk on inhaling sweet Jellybean’s baby smell after a bath.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

 

Shameless Plug and other irrelevant news

First off - Sorry that I haven't been commenting back much to everyone that stops by. I am fighting a stomach bug that has left me with no appetite and zero energy to boot. I think I'm finally starting to feel better so hopefully I can catch up over the weekend.

Now for my shameless plug - I finally made a button for my blog! It's in my sidebar and I would be tickled pink you decide to grab it.Let me know if you do and I will gladly return the favor!

Finally the irrelevant news, unless you are really riveted by my trying to conceive drama, then it's relevant. My Ob/Gyn has decided he will no longer be doing IUI's in his office due to a bunch of legalities concerned with it. I understand completely and can't fault him for covering his um assets if you will. My original thinking when I found that out was - well I'll just stick it out with the Clomid a bit longer and see what happens. Given my incredible patience and the fact that we are now on Cycle l8 no baby in sight, that resolve lasted 12 hours or so. I called a new Fertility Clinic yesterday and booked an appointment for the end of the month.

Joey is now completely on board for this and is super involved in all of the decisions which make me feel much better. I just didn't feel that the previous clinic was thorough enough with testing and really cared about me as a patient. I know more now and can ask for the tests which haven't been done. This office also has a much higher success rate than the other and comes very highly recommended. Keep your fingers crossed for me that they will be the ones with the magic solution for us!

A Buffet of Sorts (Alternate Title - I couldn't decide what to write about)

Today is our second wedding anniversary. I could write about our marriage and all sorts of wonderful things related to that but I already did. Last week. Here.

That would also require energy and effort I can't exert right now. I had to wake up at 5:20 this morning and was at work by 6:30 since Joey dropped me off today. He is using my car as the clutch is going out in his truck. We ordered a new one and $360 later the parts should be here today. Did I also mention that I am shelling out over $1700 at the dentist today to finish his dental work? And the $200 at the Vet on Saturday? No? Well that sobbing sound you hear is me since there goes my money for new couches. Maybe I'll just show off Joey's teeth and the dog's ass and tail that are no longer raw and bloody when people come over?

In other news, I was reading a book yesterday on what else - trying to conceive - and came across what the weight range I should be at for ideal fertility. According to this chart I need to gain 11 POUNDS. You read that correctly - I said 11! Do you have any idea how much weight that is for me? I don't even think I am capable of eating that much! Can I call my gynecologist and request a feeding tube be inserted? Maybe I'll just contact Wendy's instead and have them drop the machine to make these off at my house instead -
 
Nevertheless,  I'm going to commit myself to putting the weight on since it is important not only in order for me to get pregnant but also so I can have a healthy pregnancy. Joey is working on getting healthier himself to help our efforts along so I have to suck it up and do the same. Who knows? Maybe my boobs will finally get bigger too? (Hey, A girl can dream!)

Why thank you - I did want some salt rubbed in that wound!

So, my morning started off pretty well. Got some snuggling from the hubby. The dog wasn't chewing himself raw anymore (after a $200 vet visit for his allergies!). I got a sweet text message from my sister wishing me a happy mother's day for being such a good stepmom to my step son.

Joey decided to take me out to breakfast so we hit up DD and had some iced coffee. Then we ran some errands, wandered the flea market etc. My parents called during that time to say they were coming over so we headed home.

(Insert storm clouds and dramatic music here)

We pulled up to the house and the neighbor was across the street. I swear to you that without a hello or anything she says to us - "You know what you need? A BABY!" My entire face fell and I was lost for a response at the time. Thanks a bunch lady for reminding me on Mother's Day of the one thing I have been trying so hard for and haven't been able to have yet. Thanks for ruining my perfectly good day. Joey pointed out that she had no idea that we are having troubles and I shouldn't hold it against her but if you don't know - don't say anything. It put me in a funk for the rest of today. In honor of her rude comment I have decided to start a list of appropriate responses to that suggestion. Feel free to add on -

"Sure - just hand over $15,000 for IVF and I'll pop one right out for you."

"We're actually both gay and just got married for the benefits package at work. It's all a farce"

"As soon as the courts clear me of those charges and give me the go ahead we certainly will"

"I'm sorry - I didn't realize that our sex life was any of your business"

"We're saving up for a horse instead"

"We're celibate"

"Why are you giving some away?"

Am I bitter? oh yes - ridiculously so. I still had a nice time with my parents and appreciate the hubby trying to brighten my day but people like that really get to me. Is it too much to ask that people mind their own business sometimes?

Still Trying to Conceive

So I haven’t posted too much about our trying to conceive journey on here lately. With everything else going on it just didn’t seem to be the time to talk about it. Last month was our first medicated cycle and I was very excited about it. I felt like we finally had a plan in place and it was going to solve everything. I was going to take this magic pill, my body would do exactly what it was supposed to and at Thanksgiving we would be sharing the great news. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened at all.

Complication # 1 – Moving.

The timing for the first medicated cycle could not be worse.

DEATH, DIVORCE AND MOVING HOUSE ARE SAID TO BE THE THREE MOST STRESSFUL SITUATIONS IN LIFE.

Guess when I started my meds – three days into our move. No joke – I had no clue where my toilet paper, clothes, or clean sheets were but I sure as heck knew where my Femara was. I am not a low key person in the first place. During the moving process I flipped my lid 873654876458746 times. Real conducive to baby making Diana, real conducive.

Complication # 2 – My body working with the medication

So the whole idea behind me taking this little pill was that it would shorten my cycles up and make things work quicker as that was all we found that was not optimal for the babymaking. So for most people you pop the pill and by CD 14 or so you should ovulate and all is on track. Well my body does not work like most people’s. I took this pill and ended up with my longest cycle EVER! 45 days – I didn’t ovulate until CD 30. I also experienced every side effect possible – hormones up and down, headaches, hot flashes. Yeah, it was a fun ride. God bless Joey for putting up with me.

So that brought us to the NEW PLAN. A new cycle has come and on Friday I will go in for an ovary check. As long as Mr. Cyst has not shown back up we will start on medication again. Since I am paying for all this out of pocket I will be switching to Clomid this cycle rather than the Femara. The difference in price is pretty substantial and we have to keep in mind our normal expenses too. We will also add a trigger shot (Ovidrel) this cycle which will make sure I ovulate. They will do a follicle scan around CD 10 or so and from there I get stuck when the follies look big enough and we have a guaranteed shot at getting a sticky bean.

Is it a lot to take in? Yes.

Are there any guarantees? Unfortunately – no. I’m just starting this crazy adventure and I truly think we are on the right path here. We have to figure out what works best for my crazy body and that doesn’t happen overnight.

In the meantime I am going to take joy in celebrating my 27th birthday on Saturday with my lovely hubby at the Magic Kingdom and taking it day by day. That’s all you can do right now. That’s all you can do.