Random Questions Answered

1) Hey Diana – Why do you only post once every 273 days now?

Well fine reader, Jellybean had decided to start reverse cycling now. So in addition to working fulltime, raising a baby, taking care of the house, having two nine year old boys (my stepson and hubby’s nephew) down for five weeks and occasionally eating and showering, I am also up most of the night feeding the Jellybean. So once I roll into work my language skills are a cross between jibberish and someone with a pronounced stutter and I am no longer able to form cohesive thoughts or type anything.

2) Hey Diana – How can I look as fine as you do today?

Step 1 – Get no more than 4 hours of sleep

Step 2 – Make sure your back hurts from laying on your sides most of the night feeding a ravenous baby

Step 3 – To ensure the dry eyed crusty allergy look in your eyes live within half a mile of a major wildfire which makes your eyes burn constantly

3) Hey Diana – Why don’t you ever comment on my blog anymore?

Don’t take it personally. I haven’t commented on anyone’s blogs. I also have no idea what is going on in the world. As in my dad informed me today that there is a hurricane out there. Good to know, Dad. See number one for the full reason I haven’t commented on your blog. I am still reading when I can and I haven’t passed out at 7:30 while putting Jellybean to sleep.

4) Hey Diana – Why haven’t you answered my email?

See above.

5) Hey Diana – Why did you threaten the hubby with death at 2:15 this morning?

Oh, I had just nursed the Jellybean back to sleep and got up to use the bathroom. During that time Jellybean popped his eyes open like babies do in their sleep and would have closed them and gone right back to sleep if the hubby hadn’t noticed and said – “Hey man! What ya doing?” and then starting to rub his back. Which created a wide awake and whimpering Jellybean. I believe I growled at that point and snarled “You woke him up, you put him back to sleep!” Fast forward half an hour where I am handed the Jellybean – wide awake back and proceed to feed him for the next hour while the hubby goes back to sleep immediately. This is why I don’t own firearms as I may have been drawn to use one at that point.

6) Hey Diana – Did you guys finish your home renovations?

Ha! Ha! Snort.

That depends on how you define finished. My bedroom still doesn’t have a door on it. I finally hung a sheet in the door way last night. It also still isn’t painted from where the sheetrock was placed and mudded over when we moved the door. The floors are down in the living room though along with new trim in the main area and a new light fixture in the dining room. New couches will be delivered tomorrow. I still have stuff scattered everywhere though, a zillion things that need to be placed in the attic, stuff to drop off at the dry cleaners, carpets to shampoo, blinds and curtains to purchase, a dresser to purchase, a mountain of laundry that keeps regenerating every time I put a load in and a still unfinished back porch.

7) Hey Jellybean – How are you doing? Weight, milestones, etc..

I’m doing awesome. Mom had to take me to the doctor this week to get a little cough checked out so they weighed me there. I was 11lb 8oz. Yes that’s tiny at 5 months old but look at it from my birth weight of 3 lb 2oz. That means I have gained almost 8 and a half pounds in five months or almost quadrupled my birth weight. Not too shabby! I am also hitting all of my milestones. I roll both ways now. I can sit for a minute using my hands and I babble constantly. I love to “walk” and “stand.” Mom has let me try rice cereal a few times and I gave avocado a shot too. I’m really going to get into the solids at six months though. I play all day long at day care and am a huge snuggle bug at night. This Saturday I am going to a water park for the first time! Then next month I am starting my swimming lessons at the Y.

 8) Hey Diana – How are things going with the hubby?

Much, much better. He has finally emerged from his grizzly bear stage and we are getting along again. We still have our moments but I think every couple does!

9) How do you do it all?

I don’t. I ask for help when I need it and there are things that don’t get done or wait for another day. We have chore charts that we don’t follow. Most importantly we plan ahead though. Dinners for the week are planned out. Joey has to drop the boys off at day camp by 6 am to be at work on time so lunches are prepared the night before, clothes are layed out and breakfast is on the table or ready to be made. We did cereal most of the week so bowls are filled with cereal, spoons are next to them and they just have to add milk in the morning. Last night I made waffles, put the toaster on the counter and had plates and syrup on the table so Joey could just pop the waffle sin the toaster. Most nights I will start on dinner and get things going then its time for Jellybean’s bath and bedtime so Joey will take over with dinner. I squeeze chores in when I can. I fold laundry while Jellybean does tummy time. I get exercise by putting Jellybean in our moby wrap and taking a walk around the neighborhood. My house doesn’t look like it use to but my baby is happy and healthy.

10) What furniture did you end up getting?

We ended up getting a sectional and ottoman from Rooms To Go. I was a little disappointed though that they couldn’t break up the package to accommodate our needs as I would have spent more if they would. They were offering a package that came with the sofa, a swivel chair, two end tables, a lamp, a TV console and a 56” TV for just under $3,000. Well we wanted to change the package by not getting the end tables and lamp or the console and having them place the sleeper sofa and ottoman in the package instead. Based on the price breakout it would have cost them the same but we were told they don’t break up packages. So although we purchased our couch and ottoman from there I will probably go elsewhere to get the rug, throw pillows and a chair for the room. We are also looking at getting a new bedroom set in the future but due to their inability to accommodate our needs I’ll probably look elsewhere. I also didn’t like the fact that you can’t schedule a delivery time so Joey is having to take off work to be there.

So we got this - 

 

and the matching ottoman for now.

11) Hey Diana – how did you lose the baby weight?

First off – proceed to hate me but I lost more weight then I wanted to and am now trying to gain some back. Now here is my guide to losing the baby weight. Lose 5lbs in 2 weeks during the 33-35 weeks of your pregnancy. Have an emergency C-section. Be separated from your baby for two days as he is whisked away to the NICU across town. Spend the next two weeks walking way more than you should as you travel back and forth between the Ronald McDonald house and the NICU. Bring baby home. Have baby develop reflux and want to be held constantly which keeps you from eating and forces you to walk 5 miles a day as he only sleeps when walking. (Thank God for my MOBY Wrap!) Start baby on medication. Cry in relief that he stopped screaming constantly! Get a stomach bug twice in two weeks which keeps you from eating. Weight = GONE!

12) Are you a Facebook addict?

Yes, do the nth degree. My favorite is finding old boyfriends and seeing that some things truly never change. I also love reconnecting with old friends and allowing family that is far away to see my little man grow up.

13) Do your family or friends know about your blog?

They know I have one. I had family members that lived away from us who were reading it for awhile but they kept stirring up drama from it. I don’t talk to them anymore so I don’t know if they still read it. I know I had a few friends who read it occasionally too. My family members will really only check it out if I tell them to. Although if there is friends or family reading – Hi!

14) How’s your dad doing?

Really well. He feels good and will hopefully be released to visits every six months as long as his blood work comes back ok from his next doctor visit in July. He has taken quite a shine to Jellybean and is the first to pick him up and play with him whenever I visit. I love watching him be a grandfather to my child. I saw it with my sister’s kids but it’s a whole different experience when its your child.

15) Speaking of family – when do you plan on adding to yours?

You are asking me this when I haven’t slept in almost a year now, really? The short answer is we plan on starting to try again once Jellybean is a year old. It took us almost two years to conceive Jellybean so I have no idea what the process will be for Jujube. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it will be slam, bam, thank ya ma’am. Or it might take my friend Mr. Clomid again. Who knows? Right now my cycles still haven’t returned since I am breastfeeding so it’s a crap shoot.

16) Hey Diana - your blog design is a little dated and you still haven't added Jellybean to your sidebar. Are you going to update it?

Sure, when I get around to it. Unless you're volunteering to do it for me. Then by all means feel free. I'll go back to tackling the reproducing like bunnies on crack laundry pile.

17) Hey Diana - I have a question you didn't answer!

Well ask away my friend, ask away!

Mother's Day

A year ago at this time I was still caught in a fight with infertility. I desperately wanted to be a mother and my body wasn’t cooperating. I was on my third round of Clomid taking 100mg this time and I hadn’t ovulated yet. I somehow made it through Mother’s Day with my parents, my sister and her four kids and had just gotten home to mope when my neighbor said this to me. I was in a dark place and I wasn’t optimistic at all that we would ever get pregnant. In fact I had already made an appointment with a new Reproductive Endocrinologist and was just waiting for the evil witch to show up so I could get the ball rolling.

I had no idea that by the next Mother’s Day I would in fact be a Mommy.

My journey to motherhood may have involved pills, test strips, progesterone checks, an emergency c-section, the NICU and countless other hiccups along the way but being where I am now I couldn’t imagine life without my sweet Jellybean. Ever since that first glimpse of him, he has had a piece of my heart.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and I can’t wait to watch him grow up and change.

I know one day all to soon he will no longer be the sweet cuddly baby that he is now. One day soon I’ll look down and there will be a rough and tumble boy in front of me and then in a blink a teenager and then a man. For now though I get to snuggle up to soft baby hair, sweet baby smells and the knowledge that Mommy can make everything better.

To all the Mommy’s out there – Happy Mother’s Day.

And thank you for all you do every day without asking or appreciation.

Welcome again - ICLW!

Welcome to everyone here from ICLW! I’m so glad you decided to stop by. Hopefully once you get to know me you’ll still want to stick around! :)

So as of today I am  29 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our Jellybean – a baby boy. The journey to get here though was anything but slam, bam, thank ya ma’am!

I met my future husband in December of 2006. He was my mechanic and I had to break my car..twice.. to get him to ask for my number. All it took though was one date and we have been joined at the hip ever since. No really, his uncle predicted we would be married within a month of our dating. A year and a half later in May of 2008 we were. In July, I decided to go off birth control. My husband already had a daughter and a son from previous relationships but this was to be my first. So I figured it would take me a few months to figure out my cycles and then we would have a BFP. Nice idea in theory.

What I ended up with was two perfect 34 day cycles and then a 30 day cycle, a 43 day cycle. A 52 day cycle which revealed an ovarian cyst. A bunch of visits to the OB/GYN to monitor it. Switching OB’s when my ultrasounds were rescheduled..twice. Then the start of the RE process. After countless tests and a few thousand dollars we came away knowing dh had super sperm and I had long cycles with late ovulation. That’s it. I tried Femara, which was a bust. I had a 43 day cycle and didn’t ovulate until CD 30. MY RE started pushing IUI’s immediately – even though we had only done one medicated cycle. I should have known then that this office was about the big money but I guess my want for baby blinded me. I tried a cycle of Clomid with a trigger shot. For some reason they had me only do 25mg and triggered me way too early. Another BFN. I decided to take a break financially from all the RE craziness.

I did two cycles of soy. Nothing. I went back to my OB who decided to try Clomid again, 50 mg to start. He felt my problem was being underweight. I tried to put on weight. First cycle BFN. Second cycle – my dad ended up in the ICU for 5 days. I took my pills all out of order and I’m not even sure I used OPKs. Not really a time you are in the mood. BFN = of course. We went up to 100mg of Clomid. I made an appointment with a different RE. I had no faith in the 100mg Clomid cycle. Then I had heartburn for the first time ever on our trip to Mississippi to pick up my step son. Weird. By first time ever I mean I actually had to ask my hubby what heartburn feels like! My appointment with the new RE was coming up on that Wednesday, May 26 so on Monday the 24th I decided to pee on a stick. To my shock two lines showed up. I peed on another stick the next morning, then a digital, then a blood test and a few more sticks along the way.

HOLY MOLY – WE WERE PREGNANT!

So now, here we are pregnant AFTER infertility. It is possible! I moan and groan along the way. I pop Zantac’s as if they are Tic Tacs. I am addicted to my heating pad and foot spa. I am now experiencing the joys of third trimester Braxton Hicks and round ligament pain. I pee every 12 minutes or so. And I love every minute of it. I honestly and sincerely hope everyone reading gets to experience motherhood themselves one way or another. Don’t give up – whatever you do!

I will continue to hold out hope that everyone struggling with IF realizes their dreams and finds happiness along the way!

Hellooooo Nurse or ICLW :)

Welcome to everyone here from ICLW! I’m so glad you decided to stop by. Hopefully once you get to know me you’ll still want to stick around! :)

So as of today I am 2 days away from being 21 weeks pregnant with our Jellybean – a baby boy. The journey to get here though was anything but slam, bam, thank ya ma’am!

I met my future husband in December of 2006. He was my mechanic and I had to break my car..twice.. to get him to ask for my number. All it took though was one date and we have been joined at the hip ever since. No really, his uncle predicted we would be married within a month of our dating. A year and a half later in May of 2008 we were. In July, I decided to go off birth control. My husband already had a daughter and a son from previous relationships but this was to be my first. So I figured it would take me a few months to figure out my cycles and then we would have a BFP. Nice idea in theory.

What I ended up with was two perfect 34 day cycles and then a 30 day cycle, a 43 day cycle. A 52 day cycle which revealed an ovarian cyst. A bunch of visits to the OB/GYN to monitor it. Switching OB’s when my ultrasounds were rescheduled..twice. Then the start of the RE process. After countless tests and a few thousand dollars we came away knowing dh had super sperm and I had long cycles with late ovulation. That’s it. I tried Femara, which was a bust. I had a 43 day cycle and didn’t ovulate until CD 30. MY RE started pushing IUI’s immediately – even though we had only done one medicated cycle. I should have known then that this office was about the big money but I guess my want for baby blinded me. I tried a cycle of Clomid with a trigger shot. For some reason they had me only do 25mg and triggered me way too early. Another BFN. I decided to take a break financially from all the RE craziness.

I did two cycles of soy. Nothing. I went back to my OB who decided to try Clomid again, 50 mg to start. He felt my problem was being underweight. I tried to put on weight. First cycle BFN. Second cycle – my dad ended up in the ICU for 5 days. I took my pills all out of order and I’m not even sure I used OPKs. Not really a time you are in the mood. BFN = of course. We went up to 100mg of Clomid. I made an appointment with a different RE. I had no faith in the 100mg Clomid cycle. Then I had heartburn for the first time ever on our trip to Mississippi to pick up my step son. Weird. My appointment with the new RE was coming up on that Wednesday, May 26 so on Monday the 24th I decided to pee on a stick. To my shock two lines showed up. I peed on another stick the next morning, then a digital, then a blood test and a few more sticks along the way.

HOLY MOLY – WE WERE PREGNANT!

So now, here we are pregnant AFTER infertility. It is possible! I moan and groan along the way. I pop Zantac’s as if they are Tic Tacs. And I love every minute of it. I honestly and sincerely hope everyone reading gets to experience motherhood themselves one way or another. Don’t give up – whatever you do!

For my fellow preggos and new mommies – I’m doing an awesome diaper bag giveaway with The Purse Blogger. Go here for details and good luck!


I hope you all enjoy reading along with me.

Welcome ICLW

If you are visiting from ICLW - Welcome and thank you for coming by. Here is our story in a nutshell. I married my wonderful hubby in May of 08 - became a stepmom in the process. I went off birth control in July of 08 - I figured it would take me a while to regulate and then we could start trying. I had three regular cycles and then they went wacky - 30 days here, 43 there. Right after Easter in 09 I had horrible abdominal pain. More about that here and it goes on from a while there. Long story short  - I tried an RE for a bit and realized that the office I had chosen really only wanted my money - not to help us get pregnant. You can browse through last July to November to read more about that.

We took a few cycles off to try naturally then decided to give Clomid another shot through my new amazing Ob Gyn. In February of this year he started me at 50 mg and waited and tried. Nothing. My second cycle at the end of March was a bust from the start. My dad ended up in the hospital in ICU during the beginning of the cycle and I couldn't take the pills correctly. The stress also didn't help since it was very touch and go for awhile there. So needless to say - it was a BFN.

For the next cycle the doctor bumped me up to 100mg. Hubby and I were starting to think we would need something stronger. I researched RE's and made an appointment with a new one for May 26. I just knew the Clomid hadn't worked. On our way to Mississippi to pick up Joey's son I had the worst heartburn ever - out of the ordinary for me but I wrote it off to the tabasco slim jims and fast food. When we got back I decide to take a test on a whim Monday after work. I honestly thought I was seeing things when the second pale pink line came up. I don't even know how many tests I ended up doing in total. It was SHOCKING to see that positive.

So here we are after almost two years of trying - 16 weeks pregnant with a little boy. We are due February 3. I hope those of you still struggling to conceive see that BFP soon and that you share this journey with me!

Pour Your Heart Out - On the other side

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out.

Click over to her to read the Rules.

I blogged before about the pain of infertility and its a subject I don't take lightly at all. I'm now standing on the other side of the fence and quite honestly its not any easier over here. First off, to all the ladies struggling with IF - I completely understand being happy for me but then again not, since it isn't you who finally "got knocked up." It won't hurt me if you no longer follow or read my blog as I go through this pregnancy - I would never want to be a cause of pain to someone else and its hard to read about someone else's pregnancy when you can't get there yourself. Have no doubt that I will continue to pray for all of you to see that BFP and that I am always going to be supportive in your quest to become momma's. Remember - I didn't think I would be here today, 5 weeks along. I didn't think the Clomid had worked. I was convinced we were heading for IUIs or IVF.

So here I am, standing on the finally pregnant side of infertility. And it scares the shit out of me. (Pardon my french!) Is it a sticky bean? Did I do anything I shouldn't have during those first few weeks? Why wasn't I taking my prenatals like I should of been when we were TTC? How in the world are we going to pay for everything? What is going to happen to my body? Will my back ever stop hurting? Why couldn't my first appointment get here sooner? I know that many of my fears are unfounded and just me being crazy. I have no reason to think I will miscarry, especially since I've never been pregnant before so I have nothing to compare it to. I second guess every twinge, cramp and symptom. The worst part is that most early pregnancy symptoms happen to be exactly like AF symptoms. Way to screw with your mind mother nature! My temp this morning was higher than its ever been before so by all mans I should be relaxing and enjoying this. I am trying to but I am also a worrywart by design so I may end up "what if"ing myself into the crazy house. I'm hoping that my first doctor's appointment will assuage my fears a bit and calm me down. I haven't said anything at work yet and I am hoping to hold off until after that first appointment. Wish me luck through this crazy journey - I'm shaking in my shoes over all of it!

Once again to the infertility ladies - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for BFP's for all of you.

Shameless Plug and other irrelevant news

First off - Sorry that I haven't been commenting back much to everyone that stops by. I am fighting a stomach bug that has left me with no appetite and zero energy to boot. I think I'm finally starting to feel better so hopefully I can catch up over the weekend.

Now for my shameless plug - I finally made a button for my blog! It's in my sidebar and I would be tickled pink you decide to grab it.Let me know if you do and I will gladly return the favor!

Finally the irrelevant news, unless you are really riveted by my trying to conceive drama, then it's relevant. My Ob/Gyn has decided he will no longer be doing IUI's in his office due to a bunch of legalities concerned with it. I understand completely and can't fault him for covering his um assets if you will. My original thinking when I found that out was - well I'll just stick it out with the Clomid a bit longer and see what happens. Given my incredible patience and the fact that we are now on Cycle l8 no baby in sight, that resolve lasted 12 hours or so. I called a new Fertility Clinic yesterday and booked an appointment for the end of the month.

Joey is now completely on board for this and is super involved in all of the decisions which make me feel much better. I just didn't feel that the previous clinic was thorough enough with testing and really cared about me as a patient. I know more now and can ask for the tests which haven't been done. This office also has a much higher success rate than the other and comes very highly recommended. Keep your fingers crossed for me that they will be the ones with the magic solution for us!

Why thank you - I did want some salt rubbed in that wound!

So, my morning started off pretty well. Got some snuggling from the hubby. The dog wasn't chewing himself raw anymore (after a $200 vet visit for his allergies!). I got a sweet text message from my sister wishing me a happy mother's day for being such a good stepmom to my step son.

Joey decided to take me out to breakfast so we hit up DD and had some iced coffee. Then we ran some errands, wandered the flea market etc. My parents called during that time to say they were coming over so we headed home.

(Insert storm clouds and dramatic music here)

We pulled up to the house and the neighbor was across the street. I swear to you that without a hello or anything she says to us - "You know what you need? A BABY!" My entire face fell and I was lost for a response at the time. Thanks a bunch lady for reminding me on Mother's Day of the one thing I have been trying so hard for and haven't been able to have yet. Thanks for ruining my perfectly good day. Joey pointed out that she had no idea that we are having troubles and I shouldn't hold it against her but if you don't know - don't say anything. It put me in a funk for the rest of today. In honor of her rude comment I have decided to start a list of appropriate responses to that suggestion. Feel free to add on -

"Sure - just hand over $15,000 for IVF and I'll pop one right out for you."

"We're actually both gay and just got married for the benefits package at work. It's all a farce"

"As soon as the courts clear me of those charges and give me the go ahead we certainly will"

"I'm sorry - I didn't realize that our sex life was any of your business"

"We're saving up for a horse instead"

"We're celibate"

"Why are you giving some away?"

Am I bitter? oh yes - ridiculously so. I still had a nice time with my parents and appreciate the hubby trying to brighten my day but people like that really get to me. Is it too much to ask that people mind their own business sometimes?

Pour Your Heart Out - Infertility sucks

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out.

Click over to her to read the Rules.

Infertility sucks.

No really - it does on so many levels. This is 17 cycles now since going off birth control with nothing. I have been poked, prodded, interrogated and taken all sorts of medication which turned me into a basket case. My husband has sat in a little room and "produced" a "sample" so they could test his manhood. All this in our desire to have a child together. I no longer bat an eyelash when I'm asked to hop up on a table so they can insert the "wand" in me and scan my girly parts. I have learned to say thank you when told I have beautiful ovaries or great eggs. I can tell you the pros and cons of different medications and protocols, which positions are best, what to use, what not to use, etc etc. That's all well and dandy - BUT I"M STILL NOT PREGNANT!!!

It is tough to feel like you failed month after month. To have your body be your biggest enemy. It took my hubby a bit to catch on to how hard all this was on me. For one - he already has two kids so this would just be a bonus for him. For two - he kept thinking it would just happen on its own. Somewhere in the last three months he realized that the chances of that were slim to none. He started asking me about IUI's and IVF, the cost involved, what my doctor would want to do next. Which has helped. A little. So far I have done one cycle of Femara - which I didn't respond to at all, then a cycle of 25mg of Clomid with Ovidrel which wasn't much better - those were through the give us all your money reproductive endocrinologist. I then went back to my Ob/Gyn who happens to specialize in hormones. I have done two cycles of 50mg of Clomid - if this month didn't do it for us we are going up to 100mg for three months. They are also pricing IUI for me since he does them in the office. The neat part is my doctor will actually have my husband be the one to inject (deposit?) the sample into me after the catheter is placed so we will still be the ones to have made the baby. They also work with you to keep the rates manageable.

I have learned not to get my hopes up anymore. I also respond honestly when most people ask rude or insensitive questions about when we will have kids. I've found it shuts them up pretty quickly. It's tough because there are even times when family will say the wrong thing because they don't grasp just how painful the whole experience is. I cry to my hubby at least once a week about it and I don't think that's the Clomid talking. I do have a few things that make me optimistic - this past month I could really feel the Clomid working - I had pain and twinges and just knew when I ovulated - that has never happened before. I also ovulated around cycle day 17 which is early for me. So maybe the 100mg will do the trick - or maybe it won't. Regardless of the outcome - I can always go back to watching 16 and Pregnant and shouting at the unfairness of it all. Sometimes a good bitch fest about the idiots that are able to bear children makes it all a little easier.

The things I will try in order to make a baby

So I mentioned on Monday that I am on a mission to gain weight. Right now I am somewhere between 4'11 1/2" in and 5' and I weigh between 96 and 102 depending on the day and the scale. In my quest to make a baby I started doing some research and found out that women with a bmi below 21.5 tend to have longer cycles and more difficulty conceiving.

Guess what my bmi comes in at?

19.5


Shoot!

I talked to my ob/gyn office today and the last round of bloodwork all came back normal. Actually my progesterone levels were the highest I've ever had for CD 21. That is a good thing. So basically after all this testing we have found     -      nothing. Other than my longer cycles everything checks out fine. I mentioned trying to put on 10lbs to the nurse and she agreed with me immediately that it would help. The basic science of it is - more fat equals higher estrogen levels, shorter cycles, better lining and the body is better able to support a pregnancy.

Now I will admit to you - putting on weight when you have to is hard. We have extremely fast metabolisms in my family. I probably burn all the calories I'm taking in by chewing alone! It's also difficult to force yourself to eat more when you just aren't that hungry. I know I should feel blessed to be able to maintain a small figure but I truly think any sort of diet is hard. I also have a hard time eating junk food so taking the easy but unhealthy route of fast food isn't even an option for me. I would rather have soup or salad for lunch. I snack on fruit without thinking about it. I have worn a size 0 for over 10 years now.

I'm working hard at it though. I've been having half a bagel with a hard boiled egg for breakfast, I snack on nuts, peanut butter and pretzels during the day. Lunch is leftovers from the night before. I take extra helpings at dinner. Eat ice cream sandwiches for dessert. And my least favorite - drinking Carnation Instant Breakfasts.

For anyone that has never tried these let me enlighten you now. These suckers taste like chalk. You pour the powder in a glass, add milk, and stir. Then you have vanilla, chocolate or strawberry flavored chalk. Nasty, don't want to drink you at all chalk. Then I remember - this chalk has over 200 calories in it. And suddenly - its come to mama you tasty drink!

So the next time you see a skinny girl like me and start shooting her a death stare as she sucks down the godzilla sized milkshake just think - she maybe having just as hard of a time sucking it down as you are that salad with dressing on the side. We all have our battles - just in different ways!

Emerging from my black hole...

Knock. Knock.
Hello? Diana?
Hrmph
Just wondering if you were ever coming back to the blogging world. You’ve been gone a week now!
Mmm. Mmm hmmm.

It’s been a week here in our household!

I will sum up Thanksgiving as stressful, exhausting and highly successful.

I tallied two fullout blowouts – one with Joey (complete with tears, yelling, and a slammed door or two) and one with someone else right after Joey and I had wrapped up our disagreement. The 2nd argument was completely unnecessary as Joey had just explained to this person what we had just fought about and that neither one of us was in a good mood but I guess they missed the hint and took something I said the wrong way. Oh well, you live and learn and it all ended up working out in the end.

I was up at 5:30 on Turkey Day to start the bird and the ham and Joey got up as soon as the house warmed up enough for him. He tackled cleaning up the yard since that was where we were eating. I’m warning you now I don’t have any pictures since I was too busy going crazy to snap any. Luckily Joey’s aunt and uncle took a few so I will post those whenever I get copies. My mom and dad showed up around 10am to help me (search for my sanity) and everyone else arrived throughout the afternoon. We ended up with 15 adults, 7 kids, 3 dogs and amazingly 0 arguments! There was enough food to have fed three more families and plenty of joking, ribbing and stories shared. I finished doing dishes around 11pm and passed out.

Friday was a lazy day for me. Joey went to work with my brother-in-law on a project and I read a book, ate leftovers, took a bath and vegetated. It was divine.

Saturday I spent the day at my sister’s we had Starbuck’s, got pedicures, lounged, read and set up her tree. Sunday brought my niece’s Regional cheerleading competition – they did AMAZING!!! – and we are Nationals bound. She competes at Disney Monday at 3pm. I took the day off work to cheer her on and am so proud of how hard she has worked this year. The rest of the week has been cleaning, relaxing and just getting back to normal.

The last tidbit is unfortunately we didn’t see a BFP this cycle. We are taking a break from the TTC for a bit though – we have a few bigger things going on that really need to get dealt with first and Joey and I have a feeling once those are sorted out we will see everything else fall into place. We reached this decision together and both feel happy about it.

Still Trying to Conceive

So I haven’t posted too much about our trying to conceive journey on here lately. With everything else going on it just didn’t seem to be the time to talk about it. Last month was our first medicated cycle and I was very excited about it. I felt like we finally had a plan in place and it was going to solve everything. I was going to take this magic pill, my body would do exactly what it was supposed to and at Thanksgiving we would be sharing the great news. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened at all.

Complication # 1 – Moving.

The timing for the first medicated cycle could not be worse.

DEATH, DIVORCE AND MOVING HOUSE ARE SAID TO BE THE THREE MOST STRESSFUL SITUATIONS IN LIFE.

Guess when I started my meds – three days into our move. No joke – I had no clue where my toilet paper, clothes, or clean sheets were but I sure as heck knew where my Femara was. I am not a low key person in the first place. During the moving process I flipped my lid 873654876458746 times. Real conducive to baby making Diana, real conducive.

Complication # 2 – My body working with the medication

So the whole idea behind me taking this little pill was that it would shorten my cycles up and make things work quicker as that was all we found that was not optimal for the babymaking. So for most people you pop the pill and by CD 14 or so you should ovulate and all is on track. Well my body does not work like most people’s. I took this pill and ended up with my longest cycle EVER! 45 days – I didn’t ovulate until CD 30. I also experienced every side effect possible – hormones up and down, headaches, hot flashes. Yeah, it was a fun ride. God bless Joey for putting up with me.

So that brought us to the NEW PLAN. A new cycle has come and on Friday I will go in for an ovary check. As long as Mr. Cyst has not shown back up we will start on medication again. Since I am paying for all this out of pocket I will be switching to Clomid this cycle rather than the Femara. The difference in price is pretty substantial and we have to keep in mind our normal expenses too. We will also add a trigger shot (Ovidrel) this cycle which will make sure I ovulate. They will do a follicle scan around CD 10 or so and from there I get stuck when the follies look big enough and we have a guaranteed shot at getting a sticky bean.

Is it a lot to take in? Yes.

Are there any guarantees? Unfortunately – no. I’m just starting this crazy adventure and I truly think we are on the right path here. We have to figure out what works best for my crazy body and that doesn’t happen overnight.

In the meantime I am going to take joy in celebrating my 27th birthday on Saturday with my lovely hubby at the Magic Kingdom and taking it day by day. That’s all you can do right now. That’s all you can do.