An apology to my dog

I saw you laying there last night. Letting the kitten chew on your paws and ears. Not stirring as Jellybean used you as a stepstool to get on the ottoman. I could have warned you then. But I didn't.

Then there was this morning when you got all excited that you were going for a ride. Totally unheard of on a weekday morning.

I could have said something.

But I didn't.

I just let you ride shot gun sith that silly grin.

I suppose I even could have said something when we were on the waiting room and you were so happy and excited that you started an extremely loud conversation with all the other dogs. So loud that they took us into the exam room ahead of others.

Finally, I had the opportunity to let you know in that exam room as you kept peeing on things. Instead I answered the doctor's questions and said yes, please take his scrotum too since he has that tumor on there. Nope, I kept my mouth shut.

So, when I pick you up tonight and you feel like something is missing.

I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you that you were literally losing your balls.

Forgive me?

Sunshine after the Rain

I needed that.

 

Two blissful days where I didn’t DO too much at all.

 

A little purge session involving the closets. Some laundry, a little dishes. Joey put some things up in the attic.

 

A lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, finger painting, hot dogs at a cute little place downtown and some ice cream.

 

A few hours in the pool with my baby boy and my amazing hubby. Yes, I called him amazing. We are doing MUCH better for the most part. One fight in the past two weeks – which was totally his fault because he was tired and crabby. No really, he said it himself.

 

An afternoon with my parents. Jellybean spent most of it saying “PEASE” and trying to convince us to keep feeding him the stash of M&M’s his Babcia has in the house. My mom cooked a 5-star dinner. Jellybean devoured the sweet cabbage she made! Jellybean adores spending time with them. I love seeing my parents take the time to sit down on the floor and play with him. His laughs, giggles and expressions. Also amazingly – Jellybean signed All Done and Thank You while we were there! Day care works on this all the time with him and I guess it finally clicked! (Or dinner was THAT good!)

 

A huge weight was off our shoulders too as we managed to get Joey’s son on a flight with my sister on Saturday. This spared him a 20 hour drive over the weekend. Instead he’ll be here at 2pm and we can ease into the weekend with him. He also will be able to do day camp at Jellybean’s day care so he’ll get to know his brother a bit better.

 

Do I seem much happier and positive? I should. We are still really struggling financially. This mess didn’t happen overnight and it won’t be solved overnight either.  I’m trying to find ways to work around it though. I’ve asked for a temporary hardship forbearance on my student loans. I stopped Auto Pay on some of my accounts so that instead of paying a $35 overdraft fee I’ll pay a $5 late fee. (PS if you mistakenly transpose the shift and the number key on that you end up with %4 – which makes zero sense. Not that I did  that.) I’m applying for better jobs left and right. Along with the rest of corporate America. Joey works overtime and side jobs all he can. I meal plan. I’m shopping at Aldi and Save-A-Lot.

 

The money though – it doesn’t stress me out as much as it use too. I know we’re trying and that it will get better. I’m happier though because we did it. We made our marriage work. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes it didn’t feel worth it. Then I would get a random email from Joey’s aunt letting me know what a great wife and mom I was and it made it easier to tough through another day. We learned to appreciate each other even when we’re stressed. I think we finally realized that we both work hard and we can either work together and get things done or fight each other on it. We aren’t happy all the time but its figuring out what is worth fighting over and being realistic about things.

 

There are more good days then bad right now. Even on a day like today where I didn’t get enough sleep, I have to go grocery shopping after work WITH Jellybean, make dinner and clean while Joey is working a side job – its all manageable.

Pour Your Heart Out - Making it Work Mom

One of the best things I have done for myself in the past year is to step out of my comfort zone and actually make an effort to make friends.

 

I posted before about the wonderful breastfeeding support group that I am a part of. Initially I was going to meetings hosted by other people and somehow in the past few weeks I’ve been hosting. I don’t mind – it gives me a push to get some chores done and you always feel more comfortable in your own home. Last week I had 8 mom and 10 kids in my house as we discussed marriage after kids. Yea – that topic was a popular one. I can boil down what makes it work to two words – Sex and communication. I’ll write a longer post that includes all the tips sometime later. (Which if you know my schedule lately means I have six months to make it happen!)

 

This week we are meeting to plan a toddler busy bag swap. I am super excited to do this. I’ve done a few of these projects with Jellybean already. The fuzzy ball push it ins are a huge hit and one of my own creations – a plastic jar (like from animal crackers) full of jar lids and cookie cutters is a favorite too.

 

The best part of these nights though? Jellybean gets to run around and play with other kids in the evening while I get to talk with other moms for a bit and be more than just a mom. Admittedly Jellybean was a little overwhelmed by the amount of people in our house last week and having to share his toys so he stuck close to me for part of the night but he had a great time once he warmed up to them.

 

I’ve already thought of a topic for next week to discuss too. And I think all of you can help –

 

“Making it Work, Mom”

 

I want to discuss being a working mom, breastfeeding, time management, organization, etc. All the tips and tricks that help you keep your sanity among the chaos that life is. Even if you don’t work outside the home I’m sure you have tips to contribute. What works also changes as your child gets older. When Jellybean was 3-6 months old getting dinner made was easy. He would sit in his bouncer while I cooked and went to bed around 6:30 or 7. Now though? I better have some snacks or activities ready if I’m going to get dinner on the table before 7:30!

 

Jellybean likes to sleep in now. I can usually carry him into the car seat for day care still sleeping. Then he will snooze the whole way there. My trick with that? I’ll change his bottom portion since that won’t wake him up before we leave the house. He gets a clean diaper, shorts and socks on. I bring his shirt with me and swap it out before I carry him in. He’s also been known to sleep in his clothes for the next day a time or two if I knew I was going to want to hit snooze a few times the next day.

 

I have a million more things that I’ve learned along the way too. Things I wish people had told me a year ago that would have made my life so much easier. So please – share your advice on how to make it all work. We don’t need to be Supermom but I think all of us want to be able to have people over without being too embarrassed. Our kids will already take care of the embarrassment factor for us. (Especially if your little one is currently obsessed with his peepee like a certain someone in my home. Who knew the fascination started that early in boys?) Tell me how you keep Mount Washmore from toppling, food on the table and still find five minutes to yourself. Also think back to when you had a newborn, toddler, etc and what worked for you then. I’m going to compile all your advice and the tips from our group next week and make a giant Surviving Motherhood at every stage type of post!

 

This post is linked up with Shell as part of<a href="http://www.thingsicantsay.com/"> Pour Your Heart Out</a> Wednesdays.

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Conversations with Jellybean - Conducting Business

Sell! Sell! Can you hear me? I said Sell!

Nevermind, cancel all my meetings. I'm coming in to handle this!

Chaos becomes me

Last night I hosted 8 moms and their 10 kids aged 16 weeks to 12 years old at my 1200sq ft house.

It was an off shoot of a breastfeeding support group I am a part of.

Jellybean spent a large portion of the time letting the other kids the toys are "MINE!" and alternatively trying to climb inside the fireplace that I was positioned strategically in front of.

The kids? They spent an hour and a half torturing Chevy. I found him being held captive in a bucket used to store puzzles in Jellybean's room. Blue and Cadillac had escaped to the safety of the backyard. I finally locked Chevy in our bedroom. I think he decided to appreciate the minimal amount of torture Jellybean puts him through because he spent the whole night snuggled up to him sleeping after that ordeal!

Me? I loved the chaos. And I don't do noises.

It was loud. 10 kids. Countless toys and a whole lotta ladies chatting.

The topic of discussion though?

It was relationships after kids.

What I discovered?

We all have the same issues.

Everyone struggles with maintain intimacy in their marriage. We all fight with our spouses over chores. Kids make marriage harder whether one person works outside the home, both do or neither does. They aren't just time consuming. They are life consuming.

What I took away from it?

Its okay to have different priorities/expectations of what needs to be done around the house. I feel that the laundry NEEDS to get folded and put away. Joey is just as slap happy to use that time to sit on the couch and watch TV and will gladly wear his clothes straight from the dryer. Just because I want it done doesn't mean that he has to do what I say. If I want it done its up to me to do it. Just like I could care less if his shed gets organized but he feels a need to spend an entire afternoon rearranging tools.

The big picture stuff is what we need to agree on. How we raise Jellybean. What bills we're actually going to pay this month. The right way to put away dishes.

Intimacy requires effort. Even if you're both tired and neither one of you wants to try. Because once you start trying - chances are you'll forget you were tired. Communication as always is still the key.

But the one thing we haven't been making a priority is time for each other. With Joey's work schedule there just hasn't been much time for us. We're making efforts to change that though.

My work has a family fun day at a water park by my parents on Saturday. Our plan? We are going to the park with Jellybean for a bit and then dropping him off with my parents. Then we're heading back to the park to spend a few hours slipping and sliding away, go karting and having our own little date.

Then it will be all family time for two months since Joey's son will be down. The plan after he goes back?

I'M GOING TO LET JELLYBEAN SPEND THE NIGHT WITH MY SITER OR MY PARENTS.

Yup, you read that correctly.

Me and the hubby?

We're getting a hotel room and will spend the weekend with each other. Talking, sleeping, reconnecting.

Without a strong marriage we can't have a strong family.

I think I just needed to hear that everyone else goes through it too. And give ourselves permission to do things without Jellybean.

The other upside to having 10 kids running around my house and me not going insane?

I realized I can handle another kid or two when we're ready! :)

Neither Here nor There

In the past week Joey has worked 70 hours.

 

Yesterday he worked from 7-4 and went back to work at midnight and worked until 7 this morning. He worked until 11pm last Wednesday and all weekend long. Right now he should hopefully be back at home sleeping. Probably with Chevy, our new kitten, who is going to need therapy later in life. (More on that later)

 

So I’ve essentially been working my full time job and then home alone with a toddler. A toddler who refused to go to bed before 11 pm last night. But a toddler who has been sleeping through the night consistently ever since I went ahead and side cared his crib to our bed. He misses Joey though. We’ve been letting him stay up late so they do get to spend some time together. Friday night we went to the park 7:30 at night so they could play. He had a blast and slept until 10 the next morning.

 

Distraction has been the name of the game. Play dates after work. Weekends with family. He has a rough life.

 

Oh and the kitten. Chevy. Poor, poor Chevy. Toddlers and kittens? Not a good combination. Chevy can often be found being carried by his hind legs around the house. Laid on a table, sprawled out and pinned down like Frankenstein.

 

This kitty is going to need some Xanax.

 

Jellybean though – he loves it and he is doing awesome. He talks up a storm now. He’s saying two word sentences already. We’ve learned to say please and it may be the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. (Pease?)

 

Over the weekend Jellybean took in a soccer game, and helped himself to pizza and a cupcake at the party afterwards, went swimming, blew bubbles, went to the park, played in the yard and got more hugs and kisses then he could handle.

 

His mommy? She’s trying to hold it all together. My hat goes off to all the single, working moms out there. That’s essentially what I am right now and its HARD. My pile of laundry that needs to be folded surpassed Mount Washmore and is now Mount Everest. There are always dishes that need to be washed and chores that need to get done. I’m getting all the necessities out of the way but my “for later” list keeps growing. I think Jellybean will be spending a day with his grandparents soon so that I can tick some things off my list. I love the booger but he makes it difficult to get things done.

 

Tomorrow my goal is to have a PYHO post written.

 

Maybe read a few blogs too.

 

I miss all of you!

 

Come visit me in the real word, ok?

 

And bring a vacuum or a mop!