Wednesday, October 31, 2012

PYHO - Stand by Me - Its about Support

One of the things I've learned having already gone through one pregnancy and now into my second is that support is the name of the game. Heck its part of the game when you're trying to conceive. Especially if you are dealing with infertility.

While we were trying to conceive the message boards over at She Knows were my best friends. I actually still talk to many, many of those ladies to this day. Most of us have graduated from our journey and are parents now but the bonds we formed during that time will last a lifetime. I frequented the TTC #1 and the Cycle Buddies boards. The boards are much quieter now then when I was there but Cycle Buddies is still pretty active. Other boards tend to pick up as people keep posting. So why SK? Well for me I've tried other boards and the main issues I've run into is that many are too busy - you feel like you never get to know anyone there and that they can get pretty judgey. I haven't experienced that at SK - only support.

When you're trying to conceive and/or dealing with infertility it can get discouraging to turn to family and friends to support. They mean well but there's only so much of "If you just relax", "It'll happen when the time is right", "Have you tried..." that you can handle - having other ladies who are going through the same thing as you and having a safe place to vent is priceless. They even have private boards for the subjects you don't want everyone to be able to read. These boards are what convinced me to go to an RE, to leave that RE and to work with my doctor. I learned so much from these ladies and feel like an honorary aunt to all of their babies now!

Equally important is the support during pregnancy. At home, work, friends and on line. I was part of a Due Date board at SK with Jellybean and joined one again with Jujube. I originally tried going over to JustMommies but I felt like I got lost in the shuffle there. There was something like 80 ladies in that group. I also use my breastfeeding group on Facebook for support. I make sure Joey pitches in. Even when he doesn't feel like it. The biggest thing for me right now - If I'm with family and they want to do anything with Jellybean - go for a walk, play, etc. I let them. I don't care if it throws his nap off or messes up our schedule. It's a break for me and I need those right now.

When it comes to support it also means holding people accountable. Take this morning for instance. The alarm went off, it was cold outside and warm under the covers. Joey says to me - I think I'm going to stay home today and finish the bedroom. To which my immediate response was - I think not.


Because I have my NT scan on Friday along with bloodwork and a flu shot. When I scheduled it two weeks ago he agreed that he would go into work late that day so he could come with me to the appointment and watch Jellybean. Otherwise I have to leave early drive all the way to day care and then back track to get to the doctor's office. I was counting on him and this was the first time in two weeks he had mentioned not going to my appointment. Also - I have a budget. When he misses a day of work it blows our budget. I pointed all those things out to him (nicely) and said if he really wanted he could stay home on Friday. He got up and left for work. He may not have been happy about it but he did it.

If you don't have a support network in place as you're TTC or pregnant - find one. Look for message groups for pregnant women in your area, check with local hospitals to see if they have one, go to La Leche meetings, WIC also has meetings. RE offices usually have groups too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If I need help getting my house in order I call my parents. Don't feel like a bitch for not committing to certain things. You have to take care of yourself and if you don't feel up to doing something then don't. It's okay.

What advice do you have for ladies TTC or pregnant? What was your best support during pregnancy?


Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Scoop on Jujube

Its time I start doing these Jujube updates - huh? Oh and maybe get back to Conversations with Jellybean too?

How far along: 11weeks, 2 days Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden. 

Total Weight Gain: Around 5lbs I think

Maternity clothes: No but I popped the other day. Luckily since I'm small it looks like a food baby but I'll be creative with my wardrobe at work for a few weeks!

Sleep: Crappy this week. Jellybean had an awful cough so its been meds and breathing treatments during the night for him.

Movement: Nah, gas that felt like a flutter.

Cravings/Aversions: I just made Bacon at 9:30pm. 'Nuff said!

Sex: Not Lately. See not sleeping above.

Symptoms:  A little nausea still, fatigue is getting better, super thirsty, and ALWAYS hungry.

What I miss: Being able to hold Jellybean for extended periods of time.

What I look forward to: NT Scan on Friday!

Moods: I'm moodier. My patience is non-existant.

Milestones: Edging towards the second tri!

Weekly Wisdom: Eat when hungry!

Best moment this week: Hearing Bye Momma, Wuv you!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

PYHO - Survivor Guilt

Infertility is an evil, evil bitch.

She chews you up, spits you out and then stomps you into the ground.

Month after month you come back to her to be punished again and again.

The two years it took us to conceive Jellybean were two of the longest most stressful years of my life. I endured countless procedures, multiple drug regimens and saw blank test after blank test. I shed tears, gave up hope and resigned myself to the fact that it was never going to happen.

Until finally it did. We had beat infertility with the help of Clomid and our dreams were going to come true!

I had a slight case of guilt when I got pregnant with Jellybean. I knew many people who had tried IVF and still didn’t have their baby and  here I was knocked up after $15 worth of pills. It didn’t seem fair but hey – I’d been fighting the same demon so we could commiserate.

I knew right after having Jellybean I wanted more kids. By right after I mean I was still strapped down to the board like Jesus from my C-section and I knew my heart had abundant love in it for more kids.

I didn’t know that Joey would put me through hell and back for the next 15 months. Somehow though we persevered and made it through that as well.

My cycles didn’t return until 14 months thanls to extended breastfeeding. That’s when the doubt and worry started to creep in.

“What if it takes another 2 years?”

“What if Clomid isn’t enough this time?”

“What if we don’t have another after Jellybean?”

Not once did the thought cross my mind that we would get pregnant on our own. Naturally. That doesn’t happen to infertiles.  We don’t get OOPS babies. Our babies are planned on a calendar and timed. Its super romantic. Then we perform all sorts of crazy rituals to make sure it sticks.

That’s why when I got my BFP in September – when we weren’t trying yet – I was SHOCKED.

And then being an “IF”er I felt guilty. It’s survivor guilt in a way.

Here I am already blessed with one child and now with a second miracle on the way – without any medical intervention no less – and there are so many others, out in the cold still waiting.

One of my friends, who was a due date buddy last time through IVF, managed to get pregnant naturally last spring – only to suffer a miscarriage. They have now been trying a year without luck.

Another friend of mine has been trying for 5 years now. They’ve done Femara, Clomid, IUI’s and now are trying Chinese medicine.

How do I tell her I have now lapped her twice?

Infertiles have it hard. On the one hand we are thrilled, more so than most, to be expecting these miracles – we overcome amazing odds to be here. And then there’s the guilt it carries for the friends we leave behind. For the ladies that haven’t experienced having your newborn fall asleep on your chest with that soft sigh. Or a toddler coming up to you and saying – “Hug, Momma?”

Infertility – even when you’ve conquered it – is an evil, evil bitch.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Blogs I Use to Love

When I first started blogging there was a ton of blogs that I really loved. I could relate to them and enjoyed reading them. They were personable. The other bloggers also took time to leave sincere thought felt comments.


I don't blog to make money or to get free stuff. I've done product reviews here and there if I felt it was something that I could relate to and truly enjoy. While I would love it if someone would go out and offer to provide my family with toys for Christmas, all new baby swag for Jujube, new cars, furniture hair products, etc - I don't think many of you would want to read about that.


I also doubt you would stick around if most of my blog posts were sponsored or prompted. It seems like more and more often though - that's what Bloggyville is turning into. Rather than being a place where you can connect and support - it’s all a big marketing scheme now.


Many of my former favorite blogs have lost their credibility and authenticity with me now. I can no longer relate to these people because they've changed and so have their blogs. They exist only to promote - rather than to commiserate. If that was what I was looking for then I'd be at the mall browsing rather than reading your blog. So, more and more I find myself skipping over blogs in my reader. Knowing that once again they won't be anything but a thinly veiled advertisement.


You can also sense it happening in the comments you get back from those bloggers that use to care - before it became a job. They use to leave responses that showed they had really read your blog or comment and were replying to you. Now? It’s a one or two word response, and time to move on to the next customer. That sucks!


I think it is possible to maintain your credibility and still have a blog that pays you well and conducts reviews. Katie at Confessions of a Young Married Couple does a good job at it. She maintains a relatable quality in her writing and posting while mixing in sponsored posts and product reviews. As I said before - I'm not opposed to making money and getting free stuff through blogging. I've done it and enjoyed it. I also believe in sharing my thoughts on products when I find a good one. I have shouted my love for products like the Moby Wrap, Sprout Baby Food and others without any compensation - I just truly loved them. I mainly keep it real here in my little space in Bloggyville - marriage, dirty houses, chores, etc. I let it all hang out.


What good is a product review or sponsored post if you've ceased to be a "real person" in your audiences mind? I try not to take my recommendations from advertising agencies and when your blog starts to resemble one - I no longer trust you.


Give some thought to the next post you write. Are you writing about something your readers can relate to? Is your review believable? If I choose to do product reviews they have to be something I'd actually use and I think my readers would too. Obviously right now, I wouldn't be reviewing an ovulation kit. But an Intelligender test? Heck, yeah. No one would believe me if I reviewed a Princess Castle for Jellybean but if Fisher Price sent the hottest toys for toddlers this Christmas season then I know that is something my readers would believe and could relate to.


Know your audience. Respect them. Remember that your blog exists because of them. Value their time and return the favor by visiting their blog and leaving a meaningful comment.


I'm not always the best blogger. I have huge gaps between posts and sometimes I forget to comment back to people. When I do though I make sure each person feels important and is valued.


Do the same for me my friends!


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Game Plan

As we all know - my pregnancy, well delivery actually with Jellybean got quite eventful at the 35 week mark. In case you aren't familiar - here's what happened.

Needless to say that makes me quite nervous this time. Especially since this pregnancy is REALLY different. I have a quarter of the symptoms I did last time. Often I forget I'm pregnant. Thus I'm convinced its a girl this time. Or because I already have everything under the sun for a boy so naturally life would give me a girl this time.

Anyhow, I had my official OB intake appointment on Friday and we worked out a game plan to avoid the same outcome with Jujube.

Great appointment overall. My bp was perfect and I've only gained 3 lbs so far. We found Jujube's heartbeat immediately and it was 168 bpm. (Big sigh of relief there! Not fun was the blood work and some vaginal swabs, Uhh. Especially when my perfect veins rolled and she had to stick me in the other arm too! Also not fun - finding out my entire deductible has to be paid by January. Ouch. $750! Easy peasy when I have Christmas and Jellybean's birthday right before that!

In 2 weeks I go in for my NT scan and flu shot. Joey and Jellybean are both going to join me for that. Then in 4 weeksa  regular ob visit. 

This is where our game plan gets different based on our history with Jellybean. Because we don't know what caused his IUGR, although we suspect it may have been undiagnosed HELLP syndrome we're going to do things a little differently. First I'm going to start on a low dose aspirin as a precaution. It won't make a world of difference but it can't hurt either. Next we will do ultrasounds every 3 weeks starting at 24 weeks to check growth. Non Stress Tests starting at 34 weeks. C-section is planned for 39 weeks - 5/10/13 - Our 5th Wedding Anniversary! I couldn't have imagined a better present then that. The OB did express concern over the fact I'm still nursing Jellybean but it is minimal at best and I won't wean him just because of concern. If we see Jujube showing growth restriction then I'll make the call then. I imagine Jellybean will wean before then anyhow as my milk supply drops. He's down to mornings and nights as it is.

My OB and I are both hoping for a boring uneventful pregnancy this time without a NICU stay! 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

PYHO - Privileged Upbringing

I was going to write this post a little differently but decided against it since it would involve mentioning work related things which I try to avoid since well – I like having a job and would enjoy keeping it too!

So, I’m sure everyone has met this person at least once in their lives.

The Princess.

Had a very privileged upbringing.

Never wanted for anything in life. It was all provided to her.

Cars, education, travel – you name it.

Then something happens along the way.

Princess marries. Moves away from family.

She’s now a little fish in a big pond. No one knows who her family is.

Even scarier and more shocking – they don’t care.

She isn’t important anymore. Not only isn’t she important but her “pedigree” means nothing.

People want to know what her accomplishments are. What has she done. What is she capable of.

Princess doesn’t have an answer.

She calls her parents for advice. Her friends back home. They say – well you can always come back here.

But Princess can’t she has a husband now. She is forced to see that her upbringing may actually be a detriment to her in the real world. Out here everyone is working to get ahead.

Most have never had anything handed to them. Job security can’t be bought with your family name here. You have to prove yourself against some pretty high standards. You are in fact replaceable.

Princess’ pedestal gets shaky. She’s not as confident or cocky as she used to be.

She’s getting lapped by younger coworkers. People are getting promoted.

They are lapping her in life too, Marriage, houses, babies.

Everyone just keeps getting ahead. No one wants to listen to her stories about college, back home, her old job or shopping.

They all have their own lives. They want to talk about everything they accomplished. They don’t mention their parents or “WHO” they are.

Its weird. She thought she really was something.

And now, for the first time ever, she has to make something of herself. On her own. Change. Be a success rather than be rewarded.

Yes, I really know someone who is going through this. I’ve watched her struggle and flounder. I feel for her but all I can offer is tough love. From 8-5 – I am a hard ass professional who is going to tell you what you need to get ahead – and your last name is not it.

If you are a parent – my best advice to you is not to hand your child anything. Make them earn it. Not in a cruel way but reward hard work. Reward personal achievements. Let them struggle and let them know that when they walk out that door into the real world they are on their own. You don’t get very far on someone else’s coat tails.

To the Princesses – I wish you luck. It’s a hard, cruel world out there just waiting to chew you up and spit you out!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Ju Ju K

For about two months now Jellybean would go around saying Ju Ju K, Ju Ju K while he played.


We would laugh, smile and agree.


All the while having no clue what in the world it meant.


Day care couldn’t figure it out.


I couldn’t figure it out.


He had us stumped.


So we would Ju Ju K back and he’d be happy.


Finally, this morning an epiphany hit me.


He was on the floor playing with his trains as I got ready for work. Pushing them around and saying Ju Ju K, Ju Ju K.


“Wait, Jellybean – Choo Choo Train? Choo Choo Train?”


“Duh, Mom! I’ve been saying it the whole time. Don’t you guys know anything?”


I never imagined at almost 30 years I would be learning a new language. A language only one other person speaks. It doesn’t come with instructions or any sort of guide. It’s truly a total language immersion course.


I have a feeling if it was graded – I’d be failing too!


Now if you excuse me, I need to go push some Ju Ju K’s around the K table and put together some K track.


Pease? Aww Right! Yay, Momma!


Friday, October 12, 2012

Game. Set. Match.

I see it everywhere.


On Facebook.






In real life.


My child sleeps twelve hours every night. He takes 3 hour naps exactly on schedule. Eats all of his vegetable. Is proficient in 12 sports, three languages and can quote Shakespeare at 3.


I have my own organic garden. I breastfed for four years. Cook gourmet meals every night. Never lose my temper. My marriage is perfect. As is my house. We have a generous savings account and donate to starving children in Africa. While wearing high heels.


I call Bullshit.


And I’m stepping out of the “MOMPETITION”


You want the truth?


My house looks like a disaster right now. I didn’t want to clean it last night so I took Jellybean to the park instead. My kitchen is covered in dirty dishes. There’s a load of clothes in the washer that I’ve washed three times now because I can’t remember to put them in the dryer.


There are toys everywhere in my home.


My sliding glass door constantly has fingerprints on it.


I never got around to folding laundry last week so we’ve been wearing it out of the baskets.


We had McDonald’s for dinner last night and I fed Jellybean Chef Boyardee out of a can a few nights before that.


My child like to run around the house naked while wearing a beach hat.


His favorite body part to point out is his pee pee.


This morning my Facebook status was about wanting to wear my jammies to work.


I don’t have a savings account. I get cranky and moody as often as my toddler. The only starving child I feed is my own. My marriage has good times and bad.


We aren’t perfect. We NEVER will be. I don’t feel a need to compete with everyone else.


I’m proud of my husband, my child, my family and my home.


So for all you mompetitors – have fun! While you’re striving for perfection I’m going to hang out here. Where we ignore chores to go build sandcastles and my husband still loves me if I order a pizza for dinner or forget to wash his socks.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Randomness on a Tuesday

When I’m incapable of a real blog post – you get this:


Today sucked. Hubby’s truck broke down on the way to work. I had to pick him up, drop him off at work and be late myself.

Repairs are not looking cheap.

Also hoping his truck doesn’t get towed before we get back to it tonight.

Don’t think I’ll be getting to make the fried chicken I had planned for dinner tonight either.

I need to put clean sheets on the beds.

And fold laundry.

I despise folding and putting away laundry.

My energy is still hovering around 0.

Jellybean is in a Daddy phase right now.

Wants nothing to do with me.

I hear “No Momma” often and then he pushes me out of the room and shuts the door.


My memory is shot too. Along with my motivation.

I did cook dinner two nights in a row.

I need a nap.

And a Dr. Pepper slushie.



Monday, October 8, 2012

It's come to this

Joey and I use to fight A LOT.


Almost daily.


Or multiple times a day.


Not unexpected given the multitude of issues he had going on and the amount of stress and responsibility that ended up on me.


Something happened though. Between Joey being out of town so often for work and to be blunt – finally getting his shit together – we rarely fight anymore. I’ve had to reign him back in a few times when I know he’s getting close to a date with the dark side again but for the most part – we get along swimmingly.


So – our lives are pretty boring.


This past week has been a rare treat since Joey has been home since Wednesday night. That was a HUGE blessing on Friday. I was exhausted after a full week of sales meetings (9 hours in the same room with 7 other people – hence the lack of posts). I ordered pizza for dinner, Joey got home and I went and laid down in bed.


He came to check on me, saw I was asleep and took Jellybean for a walk so I could rest. The man is a saint.


So that night, after my husband was such a doll to me, I had a dream.


A dream where he did cross over to the dark side.


And we fought.


A nasty fight.


I was shocked at the things I was saying. I hated the person I was in the dream but sadly knew that I had said some of those things in real life.


When I woke up, I laughed about it. And so did Joey when I told him. Because if you think about it – it is pretty funny that I’ve resorted to having dreams about fighting since we don’t actually do it ourselves anymore.


Instead – we spend oodles of time together – happily. We leave the Jellybean with my parents and go on an ice skating date together.


Then instead of being a bitch and getting angry when he asks to go fishing – I suggest it to him and happily go to bed myself.


We take care of each other now instead of tearing each other down.


It took us almost six years to get here but it was worth all the work.


If the extent of our drama is what goes on in my head while I’m sleeping – and we all know pregnant women have some crazy dreams! – we’ll take it!


What’s your craziest dream been?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Presenting Jujube

Meet Jujube! Measuring 7 weeks 2 days which is exactly what my O date puts us at. Heartbeat 151 bpm. Due date 5/17/2013. Even cooler? The Friday before Jujube is due is our five year wedding anniversary and the likely day my c-section will be scheduled for!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Best Hubby Ever

I don't often post about how amazing my hubby is.

Usually I'm bitching about him or complaining about how he works out of town all the dang time.

This past weekend though, he was a star.

He watched Jellybean on Friday instead of having him go to day care. They ate breakfast on the back porch, walked around downtown, shared lunch at the best diner in town, went to the park and then wrapped it up shopping at Goodwill.

On Saturday he woke up early even though he was tired and wanted to sleep in. Jellybean wasn't having out though and wanted his Daddy. He played with him, cleaned the back and front porch, cleaned my whole car out and vacuumed it, let me sit on the couch catching up on shows I DVRed while Jellybean napped, and then watched Jellybean while I ran errands and bought groceries. Then we capped it off by going downtown again for some homemade ice cream.

As if all that wasn't enough - yesterday he once again woke up early after Jellybean hit him on the head a few times with a book. :) Then they went on a walk together while I got to take a shower AND blow dry my hair. After that he drove to my sister's house while I sat in the passenger seat and watched "What to Expect when you're Expecting," we celebrated my nephews birthdays and he fixed their water heater too. Once we got home he ran back out and bought me Wendy's when I said I was craving it.

After all that, he was up for work at 4am, with Jellybean, who I managed to put back to sleep once Daddy left.

The man is amazing and worthy of some love and praise. I made sure to thank him often for letting me relax this weekend and as soon as my energy comes back I'll be returning the favor!


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