Thursday, May 26, 2011

My life..with the Grouch

Wait - before you read any further! Have you voted yet today? That’s right you can vote EVERY day! Jellybean is a finalist in the weekly photo contest for Parents.com and he needs your vote! Could you please take a minute to vote for him and ask a friend to do the same? Thanks in advance!

If you are visiting me from one of the zillion blog hops I have decided to do today – Welcome! I’m Diana, Married to Joey and mom to Jellybean. I use to be really good at this blogging thing and then I went and had a baby. Now it seems I lack both the brain power and time to regularly churn out blog posts worthy of reading…Sigh… I’m working on it though. Anywho I’m glad you are visiting and hope you stay awhile. Make yourself at home, poke around a bit and feel free to ask if you find anything amiss!

I mentioned earlier this week that I had been staying at my sister’s house since Friday. Joey was repainting the house and tackling a few other projects so we figured Jellybean didn’t need to be around all the dust, fumes and mess. There was another reason too though. He finally started medication to deal with this. And has been a grizzly bear for the past few weeks. Ornery, moody and just downright unhappy.

I needed a break from it and he thought it would be a good idea too. I figured after being gone for 5 days things would be better.


Apparently this process is going to take awhile. We aren’t even two weeks into it yet so I need to be patient but man is it hard. Right now I try not to talk to him too much since everything is a fight. He hates that he’s like this right now and is working on it but these things take time. To be honest y’all – I’d love to just run away to my sister’s house until he has everything wrapped up in a pretty bow and its all better. I don’t have the energy to deal with everything else on top of work and taking care of Jellybean. He’s not in a good enough place yet to be able to really help me out as much as I needed so I feel stretched so thin in every direction.

I came home yesterday expecting the house to be finished and put back together again and it wasn’t. I almost cried. No sheets on the beds. Stuff stacked in Jellybean’s playpen. Everything piled up in the middle of the dining room.

When exactly am I supposed to get around to putting my house back together again? I was having enough trouble just keeping up with daily chores. Now this.


I think I may just be ready for my first adult beverage in a year. With an umbrella. Frozen and fruity.

 Source: Stockfood.com

Who’s meeting me for Happy Hour?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

PYHO - Exploring a change

Wait - before you read any further! Jellybean is a finalist in the weekly photo contest for Parents.com and he needs your vote! Could you please take a minute to vote for him and ask a friend to do the same? Thanks in advance!

Ever since we found out we were pregnant with Jellybean I have hated the idea of having to work so much. At the same time I understood that I am the primary breadwinner in the family and I am providing for us so it has always been a necessary evil. Now that Jellybean is almost 5 months old – it hasn’t gotten any easier. I still despise knowing I am missing out on so much with him. I love that when I do pick him up from day care he snuggles right up to me but I wish there was a way I could spend more time with him.

Which has led me to seriously contemplate a career change.

Florida offers alternative certification for teachers. Basically if you have a bachelor’s degree you can take a test to become certified to teach in a certain area.

Summers off. A large amount of PTO. Decent benefits.

I’m very, very tempted.

It would be a pay cut initially but I could conceivably work on my master’s degree online and make up the difference rather quickly.

I haven’t even run any of this by the hubby yet but I know he would support me regardless of what I choose.

I wouldn’t be a Stay at Home Mom but I would be home more. I would have more time for him and future kids. I know it would be a career that I enjoyed.

The idea of turning everything upside down is scary though. I’ve been at my company for over five years. I’m comfortable here. I know the routine and the people.

I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to not explore the possibility of teaching though. Right now I don’t see any openings in my county but the adjoin county does have some. I need to explore this and see where it might lead me. I owe it to Jellybean.

Wish me luck.

And if this doesn’t pan out - There is that $144 million Powerball drawing tonight!

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The part no one talks about

I’m going to put it out there and talk about something that everyone seems afraid to mention about life after baby. It may not be true for all but after talking to quite a few ladies it seems prevalent. Everyone just seems afraid to bring it up.

Not so for me.

It might have to do with breast feeding or changing priorities but one of the biggest changes in life after Jellybean has been our sex life.

Or should I say lack thereof.

Since Jellybean my sex drive is nonexistent.

The reasons are many.

I’m sleep deprived. I’m still getting use to my different body shape. I’m sleep deprived. It’s weird getting freaky with baby in the room. I’m sleep deprived. I have no lubrication at all so it hurts.

And basically I have no desire.

I still love my hubby – make no doubt- but sex is not on my list of things I want. I want a hot meal. An occasional long shower. The ability to read a book. A chance to go grocery shopping ALONE.

SEX? Not so much.

I know we need to do it and we have. Maybe 5 times in the past 4 months. I thought I was weird but apparently, I’m not alone.

That new baby? He or she TAKES OVER everything to do with your life. If Jellybean is in the middle of one of his frequent growth spurts he will eat every 1- 2 hours around the clock. That means I sleep about 4 hours on average.

It is impossible to look, feel or think sexy then. Which I rarely do now anyway since I don’t have time to spend on myself.

I have stopped being a priority to myself. Which needs to change. I hate how all my clothing looks and feels on me. My last hair cut was in February. I don’t know where any of my makeup or jewelry has gone to. Somewhere along the way I lost the woman I was for the mommy I am. I don’t think I can BE sexy again until I make time for me. As much as I hate to leave Jellybean when I don’t have to – its time. So once our home projects are finished and I can line up a babysitter. I am going to go spend a day on myself. I will go to my sister’s house so that I can run back and feed Jellybean and play with him but I will take the time for hair, makeup, getting my nails done, a massage and buying clothing that makes me feel good. I am going to be a 28 year old HOT mom and I WON’T feel guilty about it.

Because gosh darn it, I must have liked sex in order to make a baby and I kind of sort of want to like it again!

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Shutterfly rewards me for my slackerness!

I may have mentioned a few times recently that since Jellybean’s arrival I have been slacking. Lest you think that it is only at my blog which I slack at I wanted to reassure you that it is indeed life in general that I slack at. Along with spring cleaning, shaving my legs, and sleeping.
Case #1: Laundry
If it gets washed it most certainly does not get put away. Nope – we wait until the basket runs dry and repeat the process.
Case #2: Groceries….or lack there of
Case #3: Slacker Momma
EVERY mom out there is on the ball and sends out birth announcements right after their child is born, right? Especially when its their first kid and they are so excited he has joined them.
Yep, every mom except for poor Jellybean’s momma.
See, when Jellybean decided to make his grand arrival four weeks early and then spend two weeks in the NICU. His momma forgot about those birth announcements. Luckily Shutterfly has my back.
For Jellybean’s 4.5 month birth announcements. (What? I’m starting a new trend. And he’s still not much bigger than a newborn!)
You might remember that Shutterfly also helped me out with Christmas cards too! Thank goodness for them.
Well now they are offering bloggers 50 free spring announcements instead. This is why I heart them so much. That’s not all though! They are going to have my back when it comes time to do Jellybean’s christening announcements (yep, slacking again!) oh and for my Dad – a photo book for Father’s Day – full of Jellybean pictures. And cute shots as Spring takes over here in Florida and we take Jellybean to the beach or to swing out front of the house.
So basically – Shutterfly makes my slacking a worthwhile cause and saves my bootay once again. Dear, dear Shutterfly. I see meetings again for Halloween, Christmas and Jellybean’s birthdays. I’m so glad you know when I’ve been slacking. This is going to be a relationship that will last us a long, long time.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Conversations with Jellybean

Conversations with Jellybean

Jellybean made his first visit to the beach last weekend and he had quite a bit to say afterwards!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

A year ago at this time I was still caught in a fight with infertility. I desperately wanted to be a mother and my body wasn’t cooperating. I was on my third round of Clomid taking 100mg this time and I hadn’t ovulated yet. I somehow made it through Mother’s Day with my parents, my sister and her four kids and had just gotten home to mope when my neighbor said this to me. I was in a dark place and I wasn’t optimistic at all that we would ever get pregnant. In fact I had already made an appointment with a new Reproductive Endocrinologist and was just waiting for the evil witch to show up so I could get the ball rolling.

I had no idea that by the next Mother’s Day I would in fact be a Mommy.

My journey to motherhood may have involved pills, test strips, progesterone checks, an emergency c-section, the NICU and countless other hiccups along the way but being where I am now I couldn’t imagine life without my sweet Jellybean. Ever since that first glimpse of him, he has had a piece of my heart.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and I can’t wait to watch him grow up and change.

I know one day all to soon he will no longer be the sweet cuddly baby that he is now. One day soon I’ll look down and there will be a rough and tumble boy in front of me and then in a blink a teenager and then a man. For now though I get to snuggle up to soft baby hair, sweet baby smells and the knowledge that Mommy can make everything better.

To all the Mommy’s out there – Happy Mother’s Day.

And thank you for all you do every day without asking or appreciation.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Strange Things Happen

Strange things happen when you become a parent.

Your checking account suddenly sees balances that it hadn’t seen since you were in college and you were justifying that bar tab.

Your washing machine starts working overtime.

Your house looks like Babies R Us got Montezuma’s Revenge – baby stuff EVERYWHERE.

You think nothing of catching vomit and spit up with your  bare hands.

The biggest shocker for me –

Your husband, who was vehemently against cloth diapering and insisted you would have to keep disposables around just for him while you were pregnant is heard touting all the benefits of cloth to a friend of his with a three week old.
Yes – it happened. The hubby is all about the cloth.

He rinses them out without flinching. Has learned how to snap them onto Jellybean in two seconds flat.

And he even talks to others about it.

Why? We use All-In-Ones at home – they are easy peasy – just like a disposable but reuseable – thus saving us moola. Once you’ve gone through enough disposable diapers and see the outrageous price for something you are just going to throw away, well its easy to become a fan. We had to use disposables much longer than we planned to since they don’t make cloth for Preemies. I stared longingly at my cloth diaper stash every time I bought another pack of Pampers. But Jellybean was taking his sweet time at growing into them. Finally one day we snapped one on and they fit.

So now at home we use cloth while at daycare and out and about we have disposables. He goes to daycare in a cloth and they send it home with him in a bag. Jellybean prefers his cloth diapers. They are more comfortable and feel oh-so-soft against his skin. Me – I don’t think its any more work. Breastfed baby poop isn’t all that gross and it rinses out really easily. I’m already doing a TON of laundry and its not like I ever get all my clothes put away anyhow. So washing a load of diapers is NO BIG DEAL.

What is a big deal? We aren’t going to run out of diapers at 9pm forcing a run when we’re tired. We aren’t spending tons of money on something that will just get thrown out. When we are ready for #2 – “Jujube” – we can use them again.

Hubby pointed all of this out to his buddy who still isn’t convinced. I laugh and say ha – you wait until you have to buy that jumbo pack and realize you just spent $50 on diapers and wipes alone.

Those cloth diapers are going to look pretty appealing then.

Next step – making our own baby food.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Luck had nothing to do with it

First off – a disclaimer. I didn’t intend to become a “mommy blogger” but the truth of the matter is when you have an infant there really isn’t much more to your life than being a mommy that is interesting. (another blog post on that at another time though!) So if you aren’t interested in mommy subjects – skip this one!

The hubby went to Mississippi a few weeks ago for his best friends funeral and as you can imagine Jellybean was the topic of conversation pretty often too.
I mean how could he not be?

Apparently..so were my breasts.

Also known as Dominik’s main food source. The udders.

Glad to know the girls are so popular they get discussed in other states when I’m not even there.

One of Joey’s female friends is a nurse and she asked how Jellybean was being fed. Joey answered that I was breastfeeding which earned the response from quite a few of the ladies there that I was more woman than they are.

Joey told me he was really proud of me at that moment. He’s been extremely supportive of ALL of my parenting decisions all along but he didn’t realize how admirable breastfeeding was until he heard from so many women that hadn’t done it. He had no idea how HARD it really is.

Breastfeeding doesn’t come naturally. It isn’t easy. It’s painful in the beginning, hard work and consumes huge chunks of your life. The most frustrating thing I hear is that I’m lucky that I could breastfeed. There was no luck involved – it took work and lots of it but I was determined as I knew it was what’s best for my son.

Jellybean was a preemie. He wasn’t ready to really latch on and suck when he was born. It took him five weeks to catch on to how to nurse correctly. I also had a massive oversupply with an overactive letdown which made it even harder for him. That meant I spent five weeks pumping every three hours in addition to feeding him a bottle and trying to get him to nurse. I averaged between a half hour and 45 minutes of a break to sleep or eat in between all of that. I was so engorged I would sit with a heating pad on my breasts and would take showers at 2am to relieve some of the pressure. I could pump ten ounces when he was only eating 2-3 at a time.

Then once he caught onto nursing he fell in love with it. Wanted to do it for hours. Especially in the evenings when I wanted to get some dinner in me. This was also due to his reflux. Did I mention he also started refusing bottles around that time? Yep – so I honestly couldn’t leave him anywhere for more than two hours. I’ve nursed him while walking down a busy road before because he had to eat at that moment.

All that nursing turned him into quite a momma’s boy too. It took three days of daycare to get him to start taking bottles again. I drove over there every two hours in the meantime. I still go EVERY day at lunch to feed him. I suffer through pumping at work and the inconvenience that pumping is. There is nothing like washing your pump parts in the company kitchen while people get their coffee! He won’t fall asleep at night without nursing which means I may lay in bed for an hour and a half before he has gotten himself to fall asleep completely. Pacifier? Not an option, it’s been tried. I nursed him through my two bouts with the stomach bug and a recent drop in supply due to it. I made sure to request a script to increase my supply as soon as I noticed a drop.  I am determined to nurse him for at least the first year and not introduce solids until six months.

Luck hasn’t played a part in any of this though. My decision to breastfeed was set in me from the beginning. I knew from before getting pregnant that I wanted to breastfeed my child. I LOVE the bond it has created with my child. I love that I am able to nourish my child, comfort him and make him feel safe. I love that that is our alone time. I am glad that I can now encourage other women and help them through their struggles. Breastfeeding actually created a stronger bond for all three of us because Joey is so proud that I am doing it for Jellybean and he sees how happy it makes him. I couldn’t imagine NOT breastfeeding him. I would hate to have to fix him a bottle rather than being able to hold him to me when he is hungry. I also LOVE the convenience of breastfeeding. I don’t need to mix, warm or remember anything. I have his food with me at all times at just the right temperature.

Is breastfeeding for everyone? Probably not. Is it right for us though? Definitely. Through every struggle and hiccup along the way my resolve never faltered. Now when I look down every night and see tired eyes fluttering back at me and hear that sigh of contentment at the end I know that it was all well worth it.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


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