Friday, December 30, 2011

Happy Birthday my Sweet Jellybean!

My year in review begins on this day last year.

I *thought* I was just going in for a check up let's-make-sure-everything-is-ok ultrasound at 35 weeks.

I even remembered to take my weekly belly shot.

My ultrasound was at 10am.

At 6:09pm - I met you.

All 3lbs 2oz of you. And my life has been forever changed since then.

You came home two weeks later and then soon it was time to celebrate a month of having you in our lives.
 You were still a teeny tiny thing. That month started hell month. You wanted to be held constantly since you had reflux. Right before your 8 week appointment we spent a few nights like this -
You also were a fan of the park when we took you there for the first time.
By three months it was off to day care and you were starting to show off some of that personality.
There is no denying that you're a happy baby through and through.

You never needed expensive toys! (Even though you have a ton!)
Your smile is infectious.
You're studious.

And you love to eat.

You made us a family.

A year ago today my life was forever changed. Happy First Birthday to my precious miracle, Dominik! Thank you for making me a mommy! You are the sweetest, smartest, happiest and funniest little boy ever. I love you, Jellybean!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Blood - Not so Thick

2 days until I have a one year old.

2 days people!

Ready for the kicker? I have a family member who has NEVER congratulated me on the Jellybean.

Sent a "We're pregnant" announcement.


My parent's mentioned I had a baby. Via emergency C-section. Who was in the NICU for two weeks.


My nephew hand-delivered a birth announcement.


I sent a Christmas Card. As did my parents.


It's been almost two years since I've exchanged words with this person. I'm talking a CLOSE family member too. (In bloodline terms - obviously not through actions)

In sharp contrast - my neighbor down the street - brought over cards and cookies for us. She comments on all of my Facebook posts. Comes by to chat and see how my "folks" are doing.

My online friends have oohed and aahed over Jellybean from day one. Mind you I have never actually met any of them IRL.

This person I spent years interacting with.

Despite what other's may say - Blood is not always thicker than water. Sometimes the fact that there is supposed to be a stronger connection and loyalty there makes the case for separation that much stronger.

To me family isn't necessarily dictated by blood lines. I have people in my life who I consider family and care for as deeply as if we shared the same parents. One case - my ex-fiancee's (who is deceased) family. I don't care what anyone says - they are my family too. There is NOTHING I wouldn't do for them.

Many of my bloggy friends out there have been my greatest support system through pregnancy and mommyhood. That first year is rough. Shell sent me maternity clothes. Genevieve has commiserated on non-sleeping, booby addicted little boys. Tori has always been so encouraging when those breastfeeding session get rough. That is just a small morsel of support and acknowledgement I have gotten from so many. Seeing the care and compassion total strangers can offer you makes you realize that its okay if some people choose not to be a part of your life - when there are so many others who are choosing to be a BIG part of your life.

To everyone in my life - Thank you for being there for me. It means the world to me.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The most wonderful time of the year

A year ago...

I was eagerly anticipating Jellybean's arrival. I still had 6 weeks to go. (Or so I thought!)

This year I just celebrated Jellybean's first Christmas and have 3 days to go until his first birthday! Invitations are in the mail.

My house is busting at the seams with presents and he hasn't even gotten his birthday presents yet! Don't believe me? Check out this little video. Take into account this is only the living room. There are also toys in his room and on the back porch.

How many toys? Well I had to move his crib into our bedroom. To make room for this -

A train table. That is the same size as his crib. Let me say it again. We still haven't even gotten birthday presents yet.

Christmas was amazing though. There is nothing like seeing it through a child's eyes. Jellybean was still a little too young to "get it" but he loved playing with family all week end though.

Taking his Babcia on a walk.

 Mmmm. Dinner!

 Are these mine?
 Loved the bow!
and his cousin Austyn!
How did you say I juggle now?
My very own box!
And an even better box!
And that's a wrap folks!

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas too!

I only fought with the hubby half the time. That is a success.

My house is a war zone. 

My sister and kids are coming to celebrate New Years at our house so I have three days to get it clean.

I have to bake mini cupcakes to take to daycare on Friday for Dominik's birthday.

And we're still broke.

To a much better 2012!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

***** and Giggles

Here are some fun things to do when you are broke -

balance your checking account.

(Yes dear - that is a NEGATIVE number you see)

contemplate moonlighting at the titty bar down the road from you

(Maybe I could pick up a coke addiction too while I work there)

Then again I do have a pretty nice rack since I'm still breastfeeding...

Write down all the upcoming bills on your calendar.

Look at your credit card balances.

Then your overdue mortgage statement.

Program titty bar number in your phone.

Buy extra lottery tickets.

Be grateful that the hubby is getting a paycheck that was held back this week and doing some tattoos Friday night.

Have faith that things will get better and that God has something bigger and better in store for you.

Take a deep breath and just be happy that you're going to be celebrating your precious Jellybean's first Christmas.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I think every working mom out there struggles with mommy guilt.

Am I doing ENOUGH with him?

Are we spending ENOUGH time together?

Does he feel loved ENOUGH?

Is he learning ENOUGH?

Is he happy ENOUGH?

I know for sure right now that the one thing we don't have ENOUGH of is money. The new job for the hubby didn't work out. Even though I am behind on all of my bills and I don't know where the money is going to come from I am strangely somehow at peace with all of it. I just know that it will all work out. It may take a minute to get back on our feet but we will be okay.

Now back to the Jellybean and struggling with the battle of ENOUGH.

I finally realized that yes he is getting ENOUGH. That I really am doing ENOUGH and more so in many cases.

I can say that other than the first day of his life when I was being held hostage by the other hospital he has never spent more than a few hours without me.

I have spent every single one of my lunch breaks with him since going back to work. Lately we go to the park and just play in the grass for an hour. We giggle and try to eat leaves and grass and give hugs. Lots of hugs. Yesterday Daddy joined us and we played hide and seek

Once we get home we spend time together. It's rare that one of us isn't down on the floor with Jellybean playing. He is wherever we are. In the kitchen "helping" with dinner, in his room "jamming out,"

or in the living room just chilling on the couch.

He is loved ENOUGH.

 Last weekend we took him downtown to listen to the carolers and see "snow". Then Saturday morning we went to breakfast with Santa AND then we went back out after his nap to watch the RC planes fly at the airport by our house since he's currently obsessed with planes.

We go to gymnastics every week, sometimes twice a week. I read to him in both Polish and English. They send toys home with him from day care because he is one of their favorites. He is walking, talking and knows how to do things we had no idea he could. He says new words all the time. Not regularly but he knows them - up, down, dog, mama, dada, no, stop.

He loves to give hugs and kisses. He has a mischievous smile and a contagious laugh. He rarely fusses unless you are trying to change his diaper. He has more offers for babysitters then we have desire to leave him. He gets home made, healthy food every day. He is a child who will snack on black beans and Brussels sprouts just as quickly as a chocolate chip cookie. 

He has grandparents who are trying to buy a house two miles away from me just so they can spend more time with him and us.

It's time to stop doubting myself and realize that yes - he is getting ENOUGH of everything. He is loved by his parents and family who picked a day care that would just as soon adopt him as give him back. He is learning, growing, and thriving. I will always feel guilty for having to work but even if I was home with him all the time I still couldn't do EVERYTHING all the time. And if he did he would be a spoiled, sufferable child.

Instead he does hear no. He understands it too. He has to wait for things and doesn't always get what he wants. That's okay though because he is getting EVERYTHING that he needs.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Life Lessons - Here We Go Again...

You are not hallucinating. I am actually posting a blog. You may resume breathing now.

I am slowly trying to emerge from my self created black hole.

My blog hiatus wasn't just about being busy.

I was in a funk too between hubby not having work, being broke, not being happy with my job and everything else.

I think I am finally emerging from it though.

Hubby did get a job. After the 934785943097 companies I sent his resume to. That was a huge weight lifted.

And I've started actively looking for something else.

My work is now a giant brain drain.

I've been doing the same thing for 6 years. And we've been told there is no opportunity for promotions. I can't handle hearing that at 29. So I look.

I've spent the past month charging way more than I intended with hubby being out of work for a month. I guess 2012 will be my year for paying off debt.

I have learned some important lessons this week though.

1) If you take Jellybean to the park and yawn - he will shove a leaf in your mouth.
2) Knowing your Jellybean is turning one in two weeks, having him start walking, ordering his birthday invitations and realizing that he now looks like a toddler and not a baby will cause your ovaries to ache and cause you to want another.

3) Even though you are drowning in debt at the moment.
4) It's also difficult to conceive when your cycles still haven't returned. That's right my last Aunt Flo was in April of 2010. I have a coworker who is extremely jealous of that.
5) I'm also super excited for this weekend. They are having caroling downtown along with "snow" falling and then we are doing breakfast with Santa tomorrow morning.
6) I'm also addressing and mailing Christmas Cards this weekend and hopefully wrapping up my Christmas shopping.
7) The one downside to hubby going back to work. I'm losing my housekeeper. He was doing a pretty darn good job at it too. Once I let him know he WAS NOT on vacation and took the cable box and remote to work with me.
8) I fight dirty
9) Finally - never play Scrabble with my husband. Jellybean could play a better game then him. I kid you not.

And a sneak peek at Jellybean's birthday invitation...

Film Stars Blue Birthday Card
Modern shower invitations and holiday cards by Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Is anybody out there?

Oh..so you are still all out there!

Work + home + Jellybean walking = no time for blogging

Yes, I did say Jellybean is walking.

He's also a little over 19 days away from his first birthday. (SOB!)

Work has been insanely busy for me with no signs of slowing down. In addition to walking Jellybean has majorly been fighting bedtime. It takes me about an hour to put him down lately. He's almost asleep and then boom! He turns into a chatterbox/hyper monkey. I try really hard not to laugh at those moments but usually - I fail - miserably.

Hubby is still out of work. Majorly stressful. I'm hoping something comes through this week. Like the Powerball jackpot.

Hopefully once my kiddo starts sleeping again I'll be back to posting somewhat regularly. Until then - I miss you all!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

Once again we chose to use Shutterfly for our Christmas Cards and they did not disappoint! They have so many great choices and the quality is unbeatable.
I was in fact so happy with our Christmas Cards that I'm currently designing Jellybean's Birthday Invitation with them too! Go check them out for all your photo needs!


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