My precious Jellybean - six months ago today you made your unexpected and early arrival into the world. Every moment since then I have fallen further and further in love with you to the point where I no longer remember life before you. You are a full time job and so exhausting but I have never felt as fulfilled as I do when you snuggle up to me and sigh that sweet baby sigh of contentment. That right there reassures me that I am doing my job right with you. Along with the fact that you are the happiest baby I have ever met - and I'm not just saying that because I'm your momma. I really mean it.
So Jellybean - long over due this is your story.
I wanted you for a very, very long time. Daddy and I tried for many months to create this perfect little baby. Mom was poked, prodded and examined in every way shape and form. She took drugs that made her crazy (although Daddy might say she already was!)in order to have a better chance of making sweet little you. Finally after 22 months of trying, we finally saw this -
Yup - you were on your way!
I loved being pregnant with you. Especially once I could feel you moving around in there. You loved oatmeal. Every time I ate it you would go crazy in there. You also liked to make your presence known when I would sit down for a meeting at work. I got more and more excited as time went on.
Can you see yourself poking out on the side here?
I also got more and more uncomfortable and I started telling people it felt like you were running out of room. I would later find out that I was right!
I had a regular appointment with our amazing doctor on Wednesday the 29th of December. I was 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant with you. I stepped on the scale and I had lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks - during the holidays. Then they measured my fundal height and I was off by 2 cm. I wasn't scared yet but I knew something was off. I received orders for an ultrasound and managed to schedule one for 11 the next morning.
Your dad and I had been fighting something awful around that time. It wasn't fun at all but I let him know that they wanted to check on you again.
That Thursday, December 30, I woke up and took my weekly belly shot to document 35 weeks. Then I went for my ultrasound. Our regular girl wasn't there and this tech wasn't very forthcoming with information. Luckily at this point I knew what I was looking at. It seemed your pool - had run dry. All of mommy's amniotic fluid was gone. Then you were also measuring about 4-5 weeks behind. I asked when the doctor would get the results and the tech said with the holiday it could be until Monday. That just wouldn't do.
So as I walked out of the ultrasound office I called our doctor and told them what I had seen. Then I called my work, your daddy and your aunt to let all of them know and say - I think we may be meeting him TODAY! Before I had even made the 20 minute drive home our doctor called and told us to head to the hospital. And to pack a bag. No guarantees the nurse said but be prepared.
I tried calling Daddy and his phone was dead. I taped a note to the front door along with the phone charger telling him to get to the hospital as soon as possible.
Your aunt was on her way to meet us there.
I made it to the hospital around 1pm where they were waiting for me already. I never filled out a single paper! They were all nice to me as I got hooked up and kept reassuring me that I would probably be going home later that day. I sat and listened to your heartbeat and waited on people to show up. My mommy called me and kept telling me not to cry that I was okay. I don't think she was listening very well since it took 5 times before she finally heard me say - MOM, I'm not crying!
Your aunt showed up and we joked around. Daddy's family started calling me and we were all waiting on him to show up. Finally right before they took me back for our second ultrasound of the day he called to say he was on his way. Your aunt Karolina and I went back for the ultrasound. About 2 minutes into it your Daddy and brother showed up. She did all her measurements and then called her supervisor in. Never a good sign. More measurements and luckily you took the right number of practice breaths.
It was back to the room for us. The doctor came in and gave us the news.
You had stopped growing and there wasn't any fluid in there for you.
We needed to get you out and quick.
There was 1 surgery ahead of us then we were going in for an emergency C-section.
Now Mommy started crying. She was scared for you and for her. She knew you would be getting transferred to another hospital and she wouldn't get to be with you.
In what seemed like no time at all they had Mommy up on a table and were sticking needles in her back while she kept crying. Then they spread her out like she was on a cross and taped her down. They invited what seemed like everyone in the hospital into that OR because they were all worried about you. Finally after what seemed like forever Daddy came in. They cut, tugged and pulled - it was uncomfortable.
Then I heard the sweetest cry ever. At 6:02pm you arrived weighing 3lb 2oz and 15 1/2 in long. I had to tell Daddy to go see you, take pictures and cut the cord.
Then they let me kiss your sweet face before they whisked you away.
I spent the next hour in the recovery room. I asked how you were every three minutes or so. I tried lying about regaining feeling. It didn't work since the nurse had to go and poke me and ask me where she had poked me!
I DON'T KNOW LADY! BRING ME MY BABY!!!!
Finally they took me back down to my room which was crowded with your grandparents, Daddy, your brother and your Aunt. You were still in the nursery and they didn't want to bring you out yet. I was very out of it still. And thirsty - really thirsty.
Then they made the decision to transfer you to the NICU at Florida Hospital for Children. Mommy cried again but knew it was what was best for you. Daddy was going to go to your hospital while your Aunt stayed behind with Mommy. They brought you in to see when the transport team came for you.
I didn't sleep that whole night or the next day.
My blood pressure was sky high, my liver enzymes were elevated and my platelets were low.
We later found out I probably had undiagnosed HELPP syndrome.
The doctor made the call to keep me one more night.
And knocked me out with a sleeping pill.
Meanwhile you were doing great, snuggled up in your little condo.
I was up with the sun the next morning. My blood pressure had been stable the whole night and my blood work came back normal. I was getting out!
Daddy came to pick me and we raced back over to you. I spent all day by your side.
Your aunt, uncle and grandparents came to see you too. You ignored most of us and slept.
That night Daddy and I checked into the Ronald McDonald house.
The doctor's told us to expect for you to stay in the NICU until your due date of 2/3/2011 - another 5 weeks.
Your nurses all loved you dearly and would constantly tell us what a good baby you were.
I prayed for you incessantly.
You proved all the doctor's wrong and were released 2 weeks later.
Today you are still a tiny peanut - 12lbs 1 oz and 24 1/4 inches. Your pediatrician's office loves you to pieces. You have outgrown your reflux and are developmentally ahead for a full term baby. You love to swim across the carpet on your back and can't stay still. So far you have tried cereal, bananas, avocado and sweet potatoes and love them all.
I love watching you grow and the fact that you finally made me a mommy.
My sweet Jellybean - you are my world!