Sunday, May 27, 2012

Things that haven't happened

I was not attacked by rabid bears.

Jellybean didn't pack his stuff up and run away.

No natural disaters claimed our home forcing us to live out of a refrigerator box without internet service.

I didn't move to China and lose my ability to blog

Nope, none of those things happened. I haven't been blogging because life has been way too busy.

My coworker left and the person who is supposed to be handling all of her projects is trying to learn the process. I've been getting everything ready for a tradeshow, managing my projects and managing the other projects.

On top of that Joey has been working massive overtime so its been me and Jellybean flying solo most nights.

So not only have I not written any blogs - I haven't read any either.

In fact, I've been falling asleep when I put Jellybean to bed most nights and then waking u an hour later to have to wash dishes and prep meals.

We are finally somewhat starting to get caught up financially though.

Hopefully that means I'll be back here again soon.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Four Years

Four years ago today I married you.

I was incredibly nervous.

You were not.

That day was perfect in every way.

Some days are still perfect like that.

On others - I'd like to kill you.

Its a give and take.

You helped give me this though -

So, I guess I'll hold onto you a while still.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

PYHO - Take Me Back to Another Place in Time

Do you ever have those little things that take you back?

Totally unexpected moments that transport you back in time?

I had one of those this morning. I was flipping through the radio stations on my way to work while Jellybean sucked away on his fingers in the back seat trying to catch a few precious more moments of sleep.

Then it happened. A song came on and I was back in 1998. 15 years old and in New Jersey - at the movies with my first boyfriend. My first love. My first....everything. This was the guy I knew I was going to marry. I mean we were destined to be together.

Things ended really badly between us. Wait no - they somehow got really bad AFTER we had been broken up for awhile. I think a huge part of it was a maturity thing. Or lack there of. He pretty much felt I had ruined his life. I was told this a year after we broke up and while we were living over 1,000 miles apart. I never really gave much weight to that statement. I think he was pissed at his parents for moving him away from everything he had ever known in the middle of high school and dropping him in the middle of a place where he was a giant fish out of water. He needed someone to be mad at and it was me.

I'm okay with that. (That may be becuase he is still single and had had at least 3 relationships in the past year. Thank you Facebook!)

My memories with him though - God I love them.

So pure. So innocent, So happy.

Sometimes its really nice to feel 15 again for a moment. To have those butterflies when someone goes in for that first kiss. Holding hands while walking through a fair together. Feeling so grown up when you go out to dinner together.

Every time I make my coffee in the morning I remember him saying you had to put the sugar in before the cream. Naturally that was because you needed the hot coffee to dissolve the sugar and the creamer would mess that up. He also exposed me to quite a few other firsts. Getting tipsy off Blackberry Brandy, then Wild Turkey once I got better at drinking. Smoking cigarrettes...amongst other things. Skipping school.

I am so many things now. A wife, a mom, a career woman. Life is stressful. We're broke.

Unhappy with work.

Although happier in our marriage then we've been in a long while. All these things tend to add up and make you forget about happy little memories. That life can be carefree at times.

Thank goodness for those moments that take you back. What are some of your moments?

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I'm never buying another toy...ever

I may have mentioned a few times that Jellybean has an abundance of toys.

His room doesn't have a crib in it because we had to make room for his train table.

Our living room has toys in it, our kitchen, the front yard and the back porch.

You might be able to understand why I was a little upset when he insisted on playing with this on Sunday morning instead of all the toys at his disposal.

Thanks for breaking the bank Jellybean.

If only I would have known.

I'm adding laundry baskets and mop buckets to my baby shower gift list!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Sometimes You Need a Push (or a Shove!)

I haven't been happy at my job for a long time.

I have been there over six years with only one significant raise and one promotion in that time. I've basically been doing the same job for five years. Day in day out. Without learning anything new.

Without growth. I didn't feel valued or respected. I was toughing it out though. I needed the paycheck. I was pregnant and then had a newborn. Neither were ideal times to make a change. So I drudged on. Underpaid. We've been struggling to make ends meet.

I needed a push to make myself REALLY get motivated to change things.

That came in the form of my co-worker handing in her two weeks notice. She had found a new job and was moving on.

Talk about a kick in the ass.

This week I revamped my resume and applied for the jobs I really want. That excite me. Are what we need for our family. That will make me happy to go into work in the morning.

With my coworker leaving the company is now of course scrambling to right their wrongs - there's talks of growth, raises and promotions.

I'm afraid it may be too little too late though. The idea of a new place and new tasks excites me more than committing to more of the same. Since it seems like nothing ever really changes.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my eyes open for opportunities which will come my way.

I reached for some BIG jobs that may be a little ambitious but after years of underestimating what I'm capable of. It felt good.

Say a little prayer for me and let's hope I get to hand a notice in soon too!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Idiots are Going to Overtake Us

So last night after I got Jellybean to sleep (without a fight!) at 8:30 ish, I posted on Facebook my love for his chiropractor. After much research and suggestions from his pediatrician we started taking him for adjustments to help with his chronic ear infections. He started with a dry cough on Saturday and was getting progressively worse over the weekend so I shot sweet Dr. Erin a message Sunday asking if he could come in after day care on Monday. She squeezed him in at 4:45.

This was my post. Make sure to read all the comments after it too...(Click on the picture to see the full comments.)

I don't even know where to start.

Can you really say to each his own while lambasting someone making a different choice then your own?

Can you really comment on chiropractic care and any inherent risks if you haven't done any research into the subject matter?

It is impossible to be objective and argumentative simultaneously.

I'm proud of myself in this situation though. I came away sounding like the someone who did their research and I think I did it in a well rounded, non-argumentative educated way.

This person - they aren't exactly known for being the most educated or classy person out there so the response didn't shock me.

I just figured most who know me would know that I'm not going to jump to surgery. I'm a pretty crunchy momma. We're still breastfeeding at 16 months. We cloth diaper at home. I don't freak out when he eats a random cheerio or goldfish from under the couch. (I'm still trying to figure out where he found the Chex cereal in his high chair yesterday though...)

I do vaccinate.

My sister is a nurse.

I was a pre-med major before I decided I wanted to have a life before 30.

My job as a mother is to inform myself and make the best choices for my family. I am never one to immediately jump into anything and always want to look at the full range of options available. I try not to judge other mom's for making choices different then mine.

Why then do I have to defend myself?


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