Friday, April 29, 2011

Pardon me, while I step away from my regularly scheduled life

Ugh y'all - I'm a crap blogger lately. I really do intend to get on here and write things but as all you mommy's know - that is easier said then done. I have more tasks then hours in a day and usually don't get a chance to even fire up the computer once I walk through the door at home. Eventually it will get better but for now you get these sporadic bursts from me instead.

But hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and kind words regarding our sick spell and Joey's friend passing away. It really devastated him and I don't know if he will ever truly be the same. The poor guy cried the entire 10 hour drive back from Mississippi and most of the day Easter Sunday. I couldn't even be there for him either since Jellybean went and started teething last week which meant he kept shoving his hands in his mouth and thus came his first upper respiratory infection. Along with his first time on Amoxicillin. So he was miserable, Joey was miserable and I just wanted five minutes to myself after a week alone with Jellybean 24/7.

Since then I have had the pleasure of not only having phlegm coughed up all over me but also getting doused in phlegmy vomit. Ahhh...the joys of motherhood. My son also spent most of the week smelling like an 85 year old man between the vapor baths and Vick's Baby Rub - in addition to his thin hair and lack of teeth. I kept waiting for him to start up a rousing game of Bridge - but no luck.

I'm not going to attempt to promise that I'm going to be better at posting or reading blogs. I do make an effort to read and write - when I can. I'm also making an effort to make time for me and us though. I might read a book in the evenings, we attempted going out to dinner this week and we are having friends over for a cook out on Sunday. Slowly but surely we are learning how to have a life as parents. Bear with me and I may even find time for blogging again too.

(If my laptop doesn't end up buried under the mountain of laundry, dishes and neglected chores that pile up all week that is!)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Out of Commission

Sorry guys - I won't be posting this week. We were down for the count Sunday with a nasty stomach bug. Joey and I ended up in the ER Sunday night getting two bags of fluid each along with Zofran. Then it took me two days to get prescribed something that was safe for Jellybean since the ER is never breast feeding friendly.

To top it off, Joey's best friend passed away Monday morning after a brave and valiant fight with cancer. He was 32 and left behind 3 kids and his wife. Joey is back in Mississppi now for the funeral so I am home, sick with Jellybean. Needless to say. No blogging here.

Pray for Anthony's family please. The news was sudden and unexpected. They were checking him for remission and found two tumors instead. They gave him 2 weeks to live and he passed away three days later. We are all saddened and in shock.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Conversations with Jellybean

Conversations with Jellybean

Mom: Hey Jellybean! Do you think you can spare a minute out of your busy schedule to let everyone know what you've been up to? It's been quite awhile since you posted anything.

Jellybean: Geez Mom! I'm busy nowadays. I mean I have daycare, tummy time, rolling over, playing, napping, eating, meltdowns. I really don't have time for your silly blog. But if you insist!

Jellybean: Well folks, a few weeks ago I went to the circus with Mom and those crazy people she's related to.
Mom: Um...Jellybean? You are related to those crazy people too!
Jellybean: Huh, you're funny Mom! Any how, like I was saying before I got interuppted. The circus was awesome! There was tigers and elephants, lights flashing, people flying!

Mom: Jellybean - you slept through most of the circus and were eating the rest of the time.

Jellybean: MOOOOMMMM! I thought I was writing this! Quit butting in!

Mom: (I wonder when he learned to type...and why he isn't talking then...)

Jellybean: Where was I? Ah, yes. So after the circus I was inspired to work on my act. There is definitely going to be some dancing in it.

Mom: Bust a move Jellybean. Bust a move.
Jellybean: But yesterday, I discovered my true calling.
Mom: What's that Jellybean?
Jellybean: Pimpin. Straight Pimpin.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

PYHO - Coming clean

I have decided I must be crazy. You will understand why in a moment.

First, I need to reveal a few things that I haven't before on here. Coming clean if you must.

So my dear Joey, that I love to the ends of the earth and drives me crazy better than anyone else out there? Well, he's no angel. In fact he made ALOT of mistakes in his life. To the tune of he spent six years in prison before I met him. I'm not going to lie - that scared the bejeezus out of me when we first met and I almost didn't go out with him. Then I realized that he was honest enough to tell me that about himself the first day we met. He obviously wasn't trying to hide it and wasn't I taught that only God can judge?

He also has had his battles with addiction. You know how they say someone comes by it honestly? He does. That gene runs pretty deep in his family and as he put it - there were three things to do growing up where he did  - Drink, Fight, and well, it rhymes with Duck. In the first year we were together he received word of at least four or five friends overdosing and passing away. Its not a pretty demon to fight or one he likes but he is aware that it is always licking at his heels and most of the time he does a good job of keeping it at bay but sometimes - it gets the best of him. I know when its happening and he is quick to recognize it to. It puts a strain on our marriage at times.

I married him for better or for worse though. I truly believe that God chose to put us together because I am capable of drawing out the best in him and making him walk the line. I don't take shit from anyone and I am hard on him. He tends to thrive in those situations though. He knows I mean what I say and say what I mean. Sometimes I could put it across in a more flattering way but my emotions don't always allow that.

So the birth of Jellybean definitely shook up our relationship. Joey was used to being the number one priority in my life and I definitely catered to him in that. I allowed him to get away with a lot more and basically took care of him as if he was another child. When Jellybean came along that all changed. My priority became this child who was helpless and Joey, well he could fend for himself. Basically it was time to grow up and that didn't go well. We fought...often. I decided after four years of bailing him out every time he got in trouble I was done. When he mismanaged his money and didn't have it to pay child support for his other son. I didn't either this time. I had hospital bills to pay, day care and I wasn't even back to work yet. I also didn't have the money to fix his truck when it broke down. He got upset with me in the car once and said he would rather just walk - 12 miles home. I let him.

Before Jellybean when he would pull those emotional stunts I would drive around and then come pick him up. This time I let him walk it out. He made it home 4 hours later.

That was the catalyst for change. I think somewhere in that four hour walk in the Florida heat he realized that it was time to start acting like an adult. That Jellybean is more important than anything else could ever be. He sees now that he needs to be responsible for himself and that it is not my job to take care of him.

In the past few weeks the transformation in him as a husband and a Dad has been phenomenal. I think him taking the time to really parent Jellybean and be a part of the decision making process with him has empowered him in a way. Before I was doing all the parenting and he just felt like a babysitter at times. Now we do it together. I truly think he is capable of maintaining this change. I am going to hold him accountable and be there to support him - which is different then enabling him. I let him know when I am proud of him and why. I also let him know what I expect of him and why.

So why am I crazy, you ask? Well even with all the stress and uncertainty that I've endured in the past three months. I am already thinking of the next baby. I can say without a doubt that I am not done at one. I'm breastfeeding still and it will be awhile before my cycles come back but if after a year we are still doing well, I really hope I am announcing the upcoming arrival of Jujube as a brother or sister to Jellybean. Knowing that it took me almost two years to get pregnant with Jellybean I will start trying again sooner rather than later. Pray for us that God keeps working his miracles and gives us the foundation and support we need to keep this family intact and growing.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Cutting it off

I thought of a million and one blog posts over the weekend.

Then Jellybean finally rolled over Sunday night and my brain turned to mush. It was as if he had won an Olympic Gold Medal or the lottery. We clapped, we cheered. I may have cried a little. And all possibility of me writing a grown up coherent post vanished.

Because I was busy cooing and going – Mommy is so proud of you! Yes, she is! (Tickle, Tickle, Kiss, Kiss) You are such a  big boy! I knew you could do it! Yes, I did! (More clapping!)

Luckily after a full nights sleep  my brain regenerated a few precious cells and I was able to remember what this post was going to be about. You know other than Jellybean like all my posts from the last millennium or so.

So did you see this tweet I put out last week.

Yea, I was PISSED. I’ve made it pretty obvious on a few occasions that my hubby lacks money management skills. By lacks money management skills I actually mean he doesn’t have any. AT ALL. The only successful method we have had is him giving me all of his money. Doesn’t do much for his ego but it works for getting the bills paid.

So, after he royally f$%@#*  messed up again with managing his money, along with getting a red light ticket AND his truck breaking down BEFORE I got my first check from going back to work, I had to make some tough money decisions in our home. One of those times where I had to look at our expenses and see what could go – separate the luxuries from the necessities. The first thing that stood out to me was our cable TV. I was paying for HD digital Cable and a DVR. I never had time to watch TV since going back to work. Seriously – I hadn’t watched TV once. Hadn’t gotten online either but I need the internet connection for when Jellybean is sick and I have to work from home. Joey on the other hand – he would come home and just zone out in front of the TV for hours. All the chores stacking up around the house would go unnoticed as he stared endlessly into the idiot box. For $19.95 a month I could keep the internet and ditch the TV. That was all I needed to hear!

Last Wednesday, I had them cut us off.

The first night – all the plants in the yard were replanted. The trees were trimmed and our flower bed no longer looked like an overgrown mess.

The second night – he went and did a side job for his aunt.

Saturday we woke up early and took Jellybean into downtown with us. We went by the bank and then had breakfast down there and strolled around for a bit. There was no pressing need to get home and “relax” in front of the TV. We were too busy relaxing with each other. Jellybean was having a Daddy weekend anyhow – he only wanted me if he was hungry. It was actually really sweet to see Daddy and Jellybean bonding with each other. When we got home Daddy and Jellybean decided to spend some quality time together  -

While I cleaned up the house. I got down and dirty vacuuming couch cushions, filing all the paperwork that had stacked up and sweeping up. Right as I finished sweeping I shattered a glass all over the tile floor – true story…Sigh…

We spent the afternoon just playing with Jellybean. The purest, most enjoyable fun we have ever had in our lives. Who knew singing along with Elmo could be that much fun?

It took until Saturday night for Joey to pull the DVD player out and watch a movie.

He watched Wall-E.


Yes – I think he has embraced being a Daddy.

On Sunday we all woke up around 8am. We played some more and then Daddy broke out the infant carrier so he could take Jellybean for a walk. They sat and watched the cars go by for a bit and Jellybean fell asleep…until he walked in the front door. We decided to tackle Wal-mart while he was awake since our fridge looked like a starving college students. That’s what happens while you wait for your first back to work paycheck. My parents showed up while we were gone and my mom cleaned my entire house for me and did the laundry while we were there. Jellybean fell asleep on Daddy while we were at Wal-mart so they just wandered together while Daddy snuggled him. While there I picked up the cable to attach the laptop to the TV.

Its now certain – we are never getting cable again. Between Hulu, Crackle and Youtube – we don’t need it. Joey watched Pawn Stars and a few movies while I even found some Baby Einstein clips that Jellybean listened to and glanced at a few times.

I think the best part of this change though has been how much closer it made us. You don’t realize how much technology takes away from you as a family until you do without it. If I need to choose between all three of us being on the floor rolling around together or staring mindlessly at a picture on a screen. I think I’ll go for blowing raspberries, giggling and wiping up drool any chance I can get.

Taking away cable meant that Joey and I were both sitting there and watching when Jellybean rolled over for the first time. It means that our entertainment at night will be taking a walk together and bath time rather than a rerun of American Pickers or Orange County Choppers. It means that when my family is over we are all just talking and spending time with each other rather than being in the same house together.

I’ll take that over a TV any day!

Monday, April 4, 2011

I Wanted It All and That's What I Got


That is the number of Weekly Update emails I came back to. Every salesperson at my company writes one of these every Friday and sends it as a recap. They average 2-3 pages long. After spending the majority of last week reading through them I am down to 64. I also already read the recaps from last week so now I somewhat feel like I have an idea of what is going on at the office.

Now it’s time for a confession. The entire time I was on maternity leave I didn’t think of work at all. Not even once. I didn’t care one iota if we had secured this business or that. I wasn’t even curious as to what was going on back at the office. It was like that world had ceased to exist for me. I had my Jellybean and that was my entire world.

So that’s changed now that I’m back to work, right?

Sadly – No. My heart just isn’t into this anymore. I no longer desire to be a marketing guru or run the department one day. I drop my heart off at daycare every morning and pick it back up around 4:30. I’m still going to do my job and do it well because I need the paycheck but I will never again be the career woman I once was.

It’s actually kind of fun in a way. I feel like an actress playing a part in a show. I put on my costume – the dress pants, pretty blouse and heels. (When I’d like to be in a tank top and sweats – no shoes) I say my lines –  
“Hey Diana, How is everything? You glad to be back?”
“Oh Yes, Everything is fine. I’m so happy to see everyone again!”
(No jerkface, I’m not FINE unless you mean - Freaked-out Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. I’m not happy to be back at all. I want to be home with my Jellybean making nonsensical noises back at him and running myself ragged taking care of him.)
Insert Big Smile here.
“And how are you?”

Jellybean on the other hand, he’s taking it all in stride. He started taking bottles finally so I just go feed him at lunch. He plays, laughs and sleeps a lot at daycare. He is ready for me when I pick him up though. I get big smiles and he snuggles right up as soon as I get him in my arms. He also likes to give them hell once in awhile when he misses me. What can I say? Me and my little man we have a special bond.

That woman that I used to be that checked work emails at night and on weekends. The one who felt slighted when she didn’t get picked to travel for tradeshows and other events. The one that came in early and stayed late. Yea, she has left the building.

You see, I’ve been moonlighting since the end of December and that second job. It doesn’t pay any money but it’s just so much more gratifying!


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