I think every working mom out there struggles with mommy guilt.
Am I doing ENOUGH with him?
Are we spending ENOUGH time together?
Does he feel loved ENOUGH?
Is he learning ENOUGH?
Is he happy ENOUGH?
I know for sure right now that the one thing we don't have ENOUGH of is money. The new job for the hubby didn't work out. Even though I am behind on all of my bills and I don't know where the money is going to come from I am strangely somehow at peace with all of it. I just know that it will all work out. It may take a minute to get back on our feet but we will be okay.
Now back to the Jellybean and struggling with the battle of ENOUGH.
I finally realized that yes he is getting ENOUGH. That I really am doing ENOUGH and more so in many cases.
I can say that other than the first day of his life when I was being held hostage by the other hospital he has never spent more than a few hours without me.
I have spent every single one of my lunch breaks with him since going back to work. Lately we go to the park and just play in the grass for an hour. We giggle and try to eat leaves and grass and give hugs. Lots of hugs. Yesterday Daddy joined us and we played hide and seek
Once we get home we spend time together. It's rare that one of us isn't down on the floor with Jellybean playing. He is wherever we are. In the kitchen "helping" with dinner, in his room "jamming out,"
or in the living room just chilling on the couch.
He is loved ENOUGH.
Last weekend we took him downtown to listen to the carolers and see "snow". Then Saturday morning we went to breakfast with Santa AND then we went back out after his nap to watch the RC planes fly at the airport by our house since he's currently obsessed with planes.
We go to gymnastics every week, sometimes twice a week. I read to him in both Polish and English. They send toys home with him from day care because he is one of their favorites. He is walking, talking and knows how to do things we had no idea he could. He says new words all the time. Not regularly but he knows them - up, down, dog, mama, dada, no, stop.
He loves to give hugs and kisses. He has a mischievous smile and a contagious laugh. He rarely fusses unless you are trying to change his diaper. He has more offers for babysitters then we have desire to leave him. He gets home made, healthy food every day. He is a child who will snack on black beans and Brussels sprouts just as quickly as a chocolate chip cookie.
He has grandparents who are trying to buy a house two miles away from me just so they can spend more time with him and us.
It's time to stop doubting myself and realize that yes - he is getting ENOUGH of everything. He is loved by his parents and family who picked a day care that would just as soon adopt him as give him back. He is learning, growing, and thriving. I will always feel guilty for having to work but even if I was home with him all the time I still couldn't do EVERYTHING all the time. And if he did he would be a spoiled, sufferable child.
Instead he does hear no. He understands it too. He has to wait for things and doesn't always get what he wants. That's okay though because he is getting EVERYTHING that he needs.
This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.