Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The part no one talks about

I’m going to put it out there and talk about something that everyone seems afraid to mention about life after baby. It may not be true for all but after talking to quite a few ladies it seems prevalent. Everyone just seems afraid to bring it up.

Not so for me.

It might have to do with breast feeding or changing priorities but one of the biggest changes in life after Jellybean has been our sex life.

Or should I say lack thereof.

Since Jellybean my sex drive is nonexistent.

The reasons are many.

I’m sleep deprived. I’m still getting use to my different body shape. I’m sleep deprived. It’s weird getting freaky with baby in the room. I’m sleep deprived. I have no lubrication at all so it hurts.

And basically I have no desire.

I still love my hubby – make no doubt- but sex is not on my list of things I want. I want a hot meal. An occasional long shower. The ability to read a book. A chance to go grocery shopping ALONE.

SEX? Not so much.

I know we need to do it and we have. Maybe 5 times in the past 4 months. I thought I was weird but apparently, I’m not alone.

That new baby? He or she TAKES OVER everything to do with your life. If Jellybean is in the middle of one of his frequent growth spurts he will eat every 1- 2 hours around the clock. That means I sleep about 4 hours on average.

It is impossible to look, feel or think sexy then. Which I rarely do now anyway since I don’t have time to spend on myself.

I have stopped being a priority to myself. Which needs to change. I hate how all my clothing looks and feels on me. My last hair cut was in February. I don’t know where any of my makeup or jewelry has gone to. Somewhere along the way I lost the woman I was for the mommy I am. I don’t think I can BE sexy again until I make time for me. As much as I hate to leave Jellybean when I don’t have to – its time. So once our home projects are finished and I can line up a babysitter. I am going to go spend a day on myself. I will go to my sister’s house so that I can run back and feed Jellybean and play with him but I will take the time for hair, makeup, getting my nails done, a massage and buying clothing that makes me feel good. I am going to be a 28 year old HOT mom and I WON’T feel guilty about it.

Because gosh darn it, I must have liked sex in order to make a baby and I kind of sort of want to like it again!

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Kakunaa said...

I have actually mentioned this a bunch recently. I have NO URGE. I have been cleared for 2 weeks and no go. I completely understand.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Did you go into my head and dug all the words out? Because yes yes yes, I too felt the same. It too me quite a while to even want to think about sex, never mind do it. How long? I'm not going to say, but it was longer than the time it took to gestate the baby!

Came here via a Tweet! And glad I did.

amygrew said...

You definitely should take time for yourself, even if its just a nap!

It will make you feel better about everything ;)

Kim said...

Lady, you are talking my language here. What a great topic. I read recently that sleep deprivation and nursing are the biggest killers of a libido. Now try explaining that to my husband. He does not understand AT ALL. It's a constant source of tension. I feel your pain.

Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

My Godson's momma said it took her over 6 months to get her libido back. I think giving yourself some TLC is a great way to jump start it. :) *hugs*

The Riggs Family said...

I'm with you. Sometimes you just have to do it even when you don't want to. A sort of fake it until you make it. We "scheduled" it for awhile-- once a week, until I had the desire back again.

Thanks for stopping by. We cut our cable over a year ago and haven't missed it at all. We also gave up our gym memberships, we found a cheaper internet provider, and walk anywhere within a mile of home (unless it's pouring down rain or 0 degrees out and we need a gallon of milk).

Shell said...

Having a baby really is a big adjustment. The first 6 months... are so hard! It does get better once baby is sleeping on a more regular basis. Sleep deprivation really throws everything out of whack!

But, definitely make time for yourself- you deserve it!

Not a Perfect Mom said...

yup, we've all been there...
when the baby's sleeping and I have an hour I would have the choices of shower, eating, sleeping, maybe some laundry, or sex...hmmm, what was put on the backburner? exactly!
It does get better...and I know the breastfeeding totally dries you up, try some KY...it really helps..
Hang in there!

Heather said...

I feel for you. It is hard, sex was definitely not on my priority list after having a baby.

Take your day it will make you a better mommy and better wife!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Well said! It is true, especially these first few months. By a few more months, things will settle in more, and you will begin to feel sexy again! (Which you are, but you know, covered in baby stuff!)

S.I.F. said...

I'm pretty sure this is COMPLETELY normal friend. And even more, I'm pretty sure it comes back. Not that I know or anything, but I'm pretty sure! :)


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