I didn't kill him!

I almost killed the hubby last night.

I was really, really tempted to. But then I had Jellybean to think of. It was his bed time and I didn’t want to have to stick Jellybean in his car seat and drive him all over the place while I figured out how to dispose of the body. Plus the hubby is heavy and dead bodies are all floppy and stuff. I'd have to empty my trunk out too and that could take a while!

So I let him live. But it was a close call.

Joey came home in a FINE mood last night.

Mind you, I said nothing when he decided to stop for a haircut and other guy fumbling things on the way home.

That is despite the fact that I was covered in spitup since Jellybean wanted to share with me at lunch and it had indeed soaked through my pants. Didn't say a word when he got in the shower before me.

I even started dinner even though it was his turn to cook.

Then I finished making dinner too while he dug holes on MY side of the yard without asking me for permission.

I didn't even throw sharp objects at him when he yelled at me for closing the bathroom door. Which I hadn't. I closed the door to the Jellybean's room so the cat wouldn't get in his crib AGAIN.

He assumed through the shower curtain that it must have been his door though because he was mad.

And he needed someone to be MAD at.

I was the only one there.

I wanted to be a bitch right back to him. I really did.

But I couldn't.

I know why he's mad.

I know he's hurting and scared.

And I know it has nothing to do with me.

So I let him be mad. I called him out on taking it out on me but I let him be mad.

Then I tiptoed around him when he fell asleep on the couch.

I didn't even get upset that I was the one up all night with a coughing Jellybean.

This is one of those times where I can't share what is bothering my hubby because this is MY blog and he deserves HIS privacy. I'm not excusing his bad attitude.

But I understand it.

If he put up with the hormonal mess I was through Clomid and then pregnancy.

I can be on the receiving end once in awhile too, I guess.

Excuse me, Dr. Jekyll? Mr Hyde is looking for you...

The photo above is a representation of all the medication I have been on this cycle.

You have your Clomid, Ovidrel, Prenatal vitamins, Mucinex, and another vitamin supplement just for good measure.

Now under the best of circumstances I am not what you would call an easy person to get along with. I’m stubborn, opinionated, basically any trait that can be associated with a Scorpio – that’s me.  Luckily the good ones regarding loyalty and passion also apply to me. So anyhow, needless to say – I’m a slightly difficult person (cough, cough) even when things are going along swimmingly.

The fun really kicks into overdrive when you pump me full of hormones though. I’ll just go over a few of the medications here and why I’m on them and what they do to me.

Let’s start with Clomid. I only took 25mg, half a pill of these for 5 days. Easy peasy – right? Let’s start with what Clomid is - clomiphene citrate. It’s meant to control ovulation at the level of the hypothalamus by getting your body to produce more estrogen. In me, we just wanted to shorten up my cycle which luckily it did. I was already ovulating just with long cycles.

All this sounds great right? Oh sure, until we mention the side effects that is. It can cause hot flashes, breast tenderness, mood swings, nausea and it dries you up like the sahara.

Let’s go with the Ovidrel next, ok? Ovidrel is just HCG in a syringe. Pure pregnancy hormones injected right into you. You take the shot and bam – 24-36 hours later you ovulate – no waiting around for your body to decide when to do it. Ovidrel can cause abdominal pain, bloating, headaches, blah blah blah, oh and irritability. So yes – HCG just coursing through and all the fun emotional side effects that go with it.

At this point I have to show my sincere gratitude to my husband for putting up with me through all of this. Especially when I started sobbing the other night when I got in bed for no reason at all – other than the fact that my hormones are on overdrive and I can’t do anything about it. I also cannot fault him for choosing to fall asleep on the couch at 6pm last night – I kept him up late with my cryfest. I’m a little worried now though – what happens if all this works and I actually end up with baby? How in the world will we deal with my hormones then if I’m already this wacky now? I go from high to low in the span of a millisecond. I could be loving on you and biting your head off all at once. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm relaxing, I'm anxious. I'm telling you the fun just doesn't stop. Who needs Universal?- I have my own personal roller coaster right here.

The two week wait is in effect now. Luckily I can’t drive myself crazy by testing since the trigger shot will cause false positives. I also won’t be posting here if we do get a positive since we decided we would wait until Christmas to share the news with our family. To the 27 people that will be at my house for Thanksgiving - I apologize in advance if I am slightly psychotic through it all - just keep me in check! Keep your fingers crossed for us and pray hard!