This should really be a PYHO post but I never know if I’ll have a chance to go in and link up so this is a maybe PYHO but a definite get it off my chest post.
I recently had to hide someone from my news feed on Facebook. The status updates were getting to the point that they were upsetting me. Not because they were vulgar or ranty all the time.
No, it was because I honestly just felt bad for this person. Their self worth and their total lack of self esteem.
I knew given their past that they had body image issues but I guess I never understood just how deep they really were.
If you know me, you know that I have self confidence in abundance. I rarely wear make up and I feel just as put together talking to you in a ratty tank top, sweat pants, barefoot , greasy hair in a messy bun as I would if I was dressed to the nines and professionally styled. Actually I may feel more comfortable and in my element in the sweats. I’ve never been someone who needed to look good to feel good. I have always felt that my brain would get me much further then beauty ever could. I, of course, love it when I look banging, I’ve even been known to say to the hubby – “Damn, you have a hot wife!” but inner beauty will make you look beautiful.
So this person. They are about my age. A parent. And seems so unhappy and insecure.
Layers of make up.
Undertaking one procedure after another. Not kidding you. Botox, Rejuvaderm, Manicures, Pedicures, Hair styling, procedures I don’t even understand. At 30.
Then there are the posts of this expensive purchase or that one. Shoes, Watches. Dinners out 3 or 4 times a week.
I *think* the intention is to make people jealous. The old “I’m better then you” because I have all this and I’m doing all this.
That fails with me though. I don’t want ALL THAT.
I want my friends to feel good when they roll out of bed, hair a mess, teeth unbrushed.
I want them to know that they are worth ENOUGH to everyone in their lives regardless of the clothes or jewelry they wear or the amount of money in their bank account. That they are loved for who they are and what they do. Not what they have.
I’m can’t name a single friend I have simply because of the things they possess or how they look. That is all superficial. It can be taken away. Plus it won’t make me feel good when hanging out with you. I want someone I can relate with on a personal level. That isn’t thinking – “Damn, she needs a hair cut!” while chatting with me.
REAL people with REAL problems and REAL empathy and compassion for others.
You are beautiful when you walk away from someone having made them feel better about themselves. Times are tough. Most of us struggle from one paycheck to the next. It doesn’t make anyone feel better to see you flaunting your haves when others are have nots. There is no procedure, outfit, hair do or product that will give you inner beauty. That is something you must tend and grow. To let it shine through without saying a word about it. Don’t speak of the good deeds you do, let them speak for themselves.
I have another friend. Her husband has been unemployed for almost a year now. They have 3 kids. She works as a teacher and has had 2 weeks off all year. She still finds the time to volunteer, lend a hand or a kind word every chance she gets. I don’t think she’ll be posing for Swimsuit Illustrated any time soon but I often have the thought – How can I be more like her? Because she is gracious, a good mother, a good friend and someone I would like to emulate.
The other? I wouldn’t strive to be like for all the money in the world.
God made me beautiful even with all my imperfections. My c-section scar is beautiful because it gave me my son. My five head (rather than forehead) will remind me of my dad long after he is gone. My frizzy hair is from my mom.
I’ll never be taller, curvy or stunning. I’m still beautiful. I will drop what I’m doing in a second to help a friend out. Not because I want the recognition but because I’d want them to do the same for me. I’d rather bake my hubby a cake from scratch for his birthday then take him to the most expensive restaurant in town . (Even if that cake ended up being a three day process!)
I don’t think anyone is better than me because of the things they have. Many of those people fill their lives with *things* to make up for the very things they are missing.
Love, Friendship, Affection, Self worth, feeling valued. I could go on.
You can’t buy any of that.
You can find it, grow it and treasure it though.
Piece by piece those other things won’t matter as much either.
One open mouthed sloppy kiss from Jellybean is worth more than anything I could ever buy.
And that my friends is beautiful too!