4:10 am…… Pssssssssss……….
Diana: Dammit Blue!
(I shoot out of bed despite my Tylenol PM induced haze and throw open the bedroom door. The dog is now hiding under the computer desk)
Diana: (insert Exorcist inspired voice here) Get your ass in the garage. NOW!!!
(Guilty dog click clacks across the tile and lays down on a blanket in the garage and immediately falls back asleep)
I am now scooping OxiClean into a bowl and marching to the kitchen sink.
Joey: (groggy voice as he stumbles to the bathroom) Whachya doing honey?
Diana: Mixing up Oxiclean since Blue pissed on the damn carpet.
Joey: Oh where?
Diana: Just go to bed; I’m taking care of it.
An hour and half later….
The house is lit up like a Christmas tree and I am burrowing under the covers to savor the 20 minutes of sleep I have left to catch.
Joey : (As he lays down on top of me) Hey wifey! Love you. Smooch smooch
Diana: (As I try to pull the covers further over my head) mrph grrr arr smmm
Joey: Ha ha ha baby. You are so funny. Blah blah blah blah….
Diana: (still burrowing) hbdbidebewb bbbewwilh soiqwhoi
Joey: (now bouncing on the bed) yadda yadda yadda ya…….I love you! I’ll see you after work.
Diana: swimndo friureil love you too ewliubfiu snuiwhe
30 minutes later… and a few snooze button pushes
I swing open the garage door –
Blue: Sorry Mom! It was just a tiny spot though!
Diana: ueiuweliw Outside! It’s okay. Diuebbfbfile
Blue: (Bounce! Pant! Jump!)
Diana: Back inside Blue!
Then I turn the TV on for the dog, give him water and food and shut the door to the little room so he can roam freely between the room and garage.
I then open the window up for the cat that has been clawing at it for the past 5 minutes and scoop all the cat food off the floor back into his bowl while he watches me.
It’s so nice to be Queen of my Castle.