First off - I am slowly trying to comment back on your blogs here and there. I'm a new mommy so my time is nonexistent so if I don't get to you sorry! Bear with me and I promise I'll get to that awesome post of yours by the time Jellybean is 3 or so.
Second - Just to give you a visual - I'm typing this as I have a heating pad on my boobs since I'm preparing to pump and the heat helps those aching boobies. Oh and can we say engorged? This would be my second time pumping in as many hours!
Third - Will someone please send me a winning lottery ticket or inheritance so I can be a Stay At Home Mommy? I don't ever want to leave my Jellybean!
On to my actual post -
Its taken me a minute to realize this but I think God may have been preparing me for Jellybean being a preemie. I no longer think that all of my Dad's medical issues and drama in 2010 was just pure coincidence. I now realize that God was toughening me up and making sure I was ready to be strong for Jellybean.
When I was going through the possibility of losing my Dad, his surgeries and uncertainty I was certain I would fall apart. The anxiety and worry were overwhelming and I was kicked out of his hospital room on more than one occasion. Everyone was certain I was heading for a nervous breakdown. In the end though God prevailed as he always does and my Dad was just fine. As an added bonus my sister has been a master negotiator and has managed to get all of his bills either written off completely or vastly reduced so even the financial burden no longer looms over them.
Fast forward to Jellybean coming into the world fast and furious and spending two weeks in the NICU, followed by his poor congested nose over the weekend. Had I not gone through all the stress and trials with my Daddy in 2010 I don't think I would have been as strong and resilient during Jellybean's hospital stay. I'm sure as his Mom I would have muddled through somehow but I probably would have had more breakdowns along the way. Shed a few more tears and not been able to be grateful for the simple fact that he is here with us. Instead I learned to suck it up. Do what I could for him - whether it was a diaper change, kangaroo care or that blasted pumping. I learned to be his Mommy around the doctor's and nurses care. I was able to ask intelligent questions and make sure he was getting everything he needed to thrive. I would call during the night and see how his feedings went. I could rattle off his bilirubin and hemotocrit levels and I even knew what that meant. I knew to insist he receive the RSV vaccine before we left the hospital.
Now I am thankful that God took the time to prepare me. Jellybean is still going to need special care for awhile. That means we are held hostage in our house for awhile which can get old quickly. I currently feel like I am stuck in that movie Groundhog Day as each day follows the same pattern. You know those instructions on shampoo bottles - "Wash, Rinse, Repeat" - there is alot of that around here.
Feed the Jellybean
Lay Jellybean Down or Play with Him
Wash and Sterilize Pump parts
Do Laundry (He peed through 3 outfits yesterday!)
Even with the monotony - I wouldn't change a thing about it. I love how excited he gets when he sees me or Joey. The frustration and enthusiasm when he nurses. The sweet little sounds he makes. Especially when he falls asleep in my arms after nursing.
I would go through every terrifying second of it all over again as long as it meant that we still got our sweet little Jellybean.
Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out. It is a place to just get whatever is weighing on your heart out. Please be kind to all of the posters.