I Wanted It All and That's What I Got

162

That is the number of Weekly Update emails I came back to. Every salesperson at my company writes one of these every Friday and sends it as a recap. They average 2-3 pages long. After spending the majority of last week reading through them I am down to 64. I also already read the recaps from last week so now I somewhat feel like I have an idea of what is going on at the office.

Now it’s time for a confession. The entire time I was on maternity leave I didn’t think of work at all. Not even once. I didn’t care one iota if we had secured this business or that. I wasn’t even curious as to what was going on back at the office. It was like that world had ceased to exist for me. I had my Jellybean and that was my entire world.

So that’s changed now that I’m back to work, right?

Sadly – No. My heart just isn’t into this anymore. I no longer desire to be a marketing guru or run the department one day. I drop my heart off at daycare every morning and pick it back up around 4:30. I’m still going to do my job and do it well because I need the paycheck but I will never again be the career woman I once was.




It’s actually kind of fun in a way. I feel like an actress playing a part in a show. I put on my costume – the dress pants, pretty blouse and heels. (When I’d like to be in a tank top and sweats – no shoes) I say my lines –  
“Hey Diana, How is everything? You glad to be back?”
“Oh Yes, Everything is fine. I’m so happy to see everyone again!”
(No jerkface, I’m not FINE unless you mean - Freaked-out Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. I’m not happy to be back at all. I want to be home with my Jellybean making nonsensical noises back at him and running myself ragged taking care of him.)
Insert Big Smile here.
“And how are you?”

Jellybean on the other hand, he’s taking it all in stride. He started taking bottles finally so I just go feed him at lunch. He plays, laughs and sleeps a lot at daycare. He is ready for me when I pick him up though. I get big smiles and he snuggles right up as soon as I get him in my arms. He also likes to give them hell once in awhile when he misses me. What can I say? Me and my little man we have a special bond.

That woman that I used to be that checked work emails at night and on weekends. The one who felt slighted when she didn’t get picked to travel for tradeshows and other events. The one that came in early and stayed late. Yea, she has left the building.

You see, I’ve been moonlighting since the end of December and that second job. It doesn’t pay any money but it’s just so much more gratifying!