Wednesday, January 25, 2012

In Good Times and Bad

I take thee...in good times and bad... to be my lawfully wedded husband until death do us part.

I know I said those words but over the past few months I had been seriously questioning whether I could abide by them.

Its so easy to be in a marriage when things are going good. You cruise through each day on such a high.

When times are bad though - it’s a whole different story. You start each day with a sense of dread and foreboding and basically walk around in Superbitch mode ready to snap as soon as something pisses you off.

The bad times - they were really bad the past few months. I absolutely hated going home. I'm not kidding.

I knew when I walked in that door he would be sitting on the couch, remote in hand and would not have moved all day long. Meanwhile, I was at work all day and would be busting my ass all night long taking care of the house and Jellybean.

I mentioned D-I-V-O-R-C-E. A few times.

I understood.

He felt useless and unmotivated from being unemployed. He was feeling sorry for himself.

All I could see though were all the things that could be getting done.

I spelled it out for him. UNEMPLOYMENT  VACATION.

If you are home you are responsible for taking care of all the things that are happening there AND finishing all the projects that you don't have time for when you are working.

I left lists.

They were ignored.

I bitched, complained and took off to spend the day alone with Jellybean. Anything to not have to be around the jerk who was now living in my home.

On Monday he got the call that he was going to be working full time again on a contract that should last two years.

Dr. Jekyll meet Mr. Hyde.

It was a total turnaround. He was happy again. Dare I say smiling AND laughing at my jokes?

Why yes – there was the guy I fell in love with.

So glad you could make a return. Because the gigantic ASSHOLE that had taken your place – yeah I didn’t love him so much.

This guy though – the one who came home from work and immediately took Jellybean on the back porch to play with his sand and water table and climb around his castle slide. The one who occupied Jellybean while I got to do some chores. Oh I really love the guy.

I loved him even more when he actually came to bed at 11:30 after I told him he needed to spend some time with me. We have DVR honey, just hit record.

I think God gives you the bad times so you can learn to appreciate the good. In all the things I have done I can honestly say that marriage is the hardest. The love you have for your child is UNCONDITIONAL – you never think if things get tough I can just leave. It is so hard to exhibit that same sort of love for your spouse. With no conditions – unwavering.

That is going to be what I strive for though.

Unconditional Love.

In good times and bad.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Tara R. said...

I've been out of work for more than two years, I would guess that my husband has the same reaction you have. It's deflating to not be able to do what you want to do, but that means you need channel your energy into something you can do - honey-do lists.

I'm glad your husband got a new contract and is feeling more himself again. Good luck1

Meghan said...

Glad you got your hubby back!

Maggie S. said...

Unemployment sounds a lot like a job with a boss that verbally abuses people and the hub doesn't let his wife know for YEARS.

Beautifully shared.

Shell said...

Marriage is so hard sometimes.

And after having kids, I think it only gets harder.

Add in extra stresses(like his being unemployed) and wow, it's near impossible.

But, you fight through it and hang on- b/c the better times will return.

Sara S said...

I was there, right before I got pregnant and through the first couple months, Sky was laid off and just sat at home. Nothing got done. I was furious. I think that anytime the other doesn't seem to be putting effort in towards something (looking for a job, helping around the house, your relationship) things are hard. So glad things are better for you!

Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

I'm really glad to hear things are getting better! *hugs*

Baby Steps Mommy said...

I loved your post...it was so honest. Sometimes we dont realize how crisis affect people and they, in turn, affect us. I'm happy things are getting better!

Natalie said...

I'm glad that things are better! I know it's been a tough time for you guys these last several months. What doesn't break us, makes us stronger!

Kakunaa said...

I am so here...the before version. I am so glad you got your Hubby back. It affects me, too. I want me back...AND I want Hubby back.

Renegades said...

So very glad to read that things are straightening out for you.

Helene said...

Yes, marriage is definitely challenging and sometimes I wonder if I had known how much hard work it was, would I ever have gotten married in the first place?

So glad you got your hubby back though and things are progressing well.

Ducky said...

Blessings in everything.... Great and small. Marriage IS hard. I've no doubt SO many people can and do identify with your honesty. The longer I'm alive the more I realize that the greatest things, the most rewarding things in life also seems to be the most challenging.

Awesome post!


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