NIAW 2012 - Just be there

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

I've shared my story and my thoughts on infertility quite a few times before.

Actually my blog was consumed by infertility and the pain it causes in all the months leading up to Jellybean being concieved.

Doctor's visits. Blood draws. Reproductive Endocrinologist. HSG. Femara. Ovidrel. Semen analysis. Sperm banking. Ultrasounds. E2 and Progesterone checks. Clomid. Taking a break. Leaving the RE. 3 Rounds of Clomid with my OB. 2 at 50mg and a final third at 100mg. Then we were to start with a new Reproductive Endocrinologist. Unbelievably - I got my BFP 3 days before starting with that new RE.

An uneventful pregnancy until 35 weeks - where I had an emergency C-section due to HELPP syndrome and gave birth to my 3lb 2oz IUGR little boy. Who is now 19lbs or so of full speed ahead, way too advanced for his own good toddler.

Life is perfect now - right?

No.

I am still infertile. I hope that I get lucky and somehow manage to concieve without drugs, IUI's etc, this time. Sometimes pregnancy will reset your clock and the second and third time is much easier.

My cycles have been more predictable since having Jellybean. My OPK's are actually positive without Clomid. That's a first for me.

I'm not getting my hopes up though. I asked my doctor during my annual last week how long we should go before starting medication when we are ready for number two. He said we can try three natural cyles and then we will try Clomid again. I am once again underweight after having Jellybean despite all my efforts to hold onto the weight. So more than likely - Jujube will also be a Clomid baby.

My future pregnancies will also be monitored very closely. We had that talk too. No one wants a repeat of our experience with Jellybean. I'll be on the baby aspirin, NST, BPP regimen this time around. Probably modifed bed rest too. Nothing is easy for me.

So yes - I have a beautiful, amazing little boy. I AM still infertile.

This time around - I won't be letting anyone IRL know when we are trying to concieve again. I don't want to hear the advice this time around. Not from my sister who got pregnant everytime she sneezed. (4 kids in 5 years - she had to get her tubes tied to quit getting pregnant) Not from my Mom who irritates me with pretty much any advice she gives me. (That's my adult maturity shining through there.) Not from the neighbor lady across the street.

None of your advice worked people. I have relaxed. Tried. Not tried. I have done things that would make most people blush when it comes to having a baby. I have shown my husband a positive OPK and said we need to do it tonight. (Hello romance!)

In the end - I still needed medical help to get pregnant. I am in no way ashamed or dissapointed that thats what it took. The same way my father needs pills to control his blood pressure and cholesterol - I needed pills to make my lady parts do what they should. Hot flash inducing, hormone raging - psychotic lady pills.

That resulted in one beautiful Jellybean.

Now I have some advice for all of you. Don't give advice. You don't know that couples story. You don't know what they are going through. I only give advice if someone asks what our protocol was and what worked. Instead - give your support. Allow them to feel the pain. Allow them to grieve.

Don't undermine their feelings or this disease. It is just as devastating as a deadly cancer. Be the one there with a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

Just be there.