Wednesday, April 4, 2012

PYHO - Self Appraisal

I had my annual appraisal at work last week.

My supervisor prefaced it with what an asset I was to the company and that some of these things would be difficult to hear but she was trying to groom me for a promotion in a year or so.

Prior to this she was unaware of everything else I have had going on in my life the past year in addition to the birth of Jellybean.

I heard things during the evaluation like I had a curt demeanor, I can be perceived as a know it all, I haven’t been paying attention to details at much, and that I had a just roll with it attitude.

I listened and I agreed. I made no attempt to defend myself because for the most part it was true.

I haven’t been on my A game at work. Between the stress of home life and having been told in the past that there was no opportunity for advancement within our company I had decided it was best to just maintain and not stress myself by trying to go above and beyond.

Then I shared the whole story with my supervisor.

(To clarify, she is not in the office on a daily basis. She is actually based on the west coast and only makes it into our office a few days a month.)

I let her know that for the past year I have basically been a single mom. In addition to that there was the stress of Joey’s addiction, his unemployment and not having anyone else who could help out. If Jellybean was sick I had to be the one to stay home with him because Joey wasn’t capable. I shed tears but I wasn’t looking for pity or sympathy. I just knew that it needed to be shared. I’m not ashamed and she could tell. I’m proud of the fact that I have managed to do as much as I have in the past year despite all the turmoil.

The main point that I got across though was that it wasn’t that I didn’t care about my job – it was that I didn’t have any more to give. There’s only so much of me to go around and once its been doled out – that’s it.

As for the personality traits discussed and how they are a challenge in the work place? That didn’t sting at all. I’m very self aware. I know that I have a difficult personality and that I’m not all warm and fuzzy at work. I’m there to do a job. Not make friends. Harsh but true. I also do cut people off in conversation. If I already know the answer I hate waiting for you to spit it out. (Must be the New Yorker in me) Patience is not my virtue.

Its all well and good that I know myself but to move ahead?

I need to change things. I know it will help me in more areas then just work.

So I’ve been trying. Really trying.

That’s why I have been blogging even less than usual.

My workload is incredible right now. I’m managing 15 projects or so simultaneously. Its stressful and at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is get on the computer again to blog or read a blog. Work needs to be a priority right now anyway. (Along with winning the lottery of course)

So my self awareness took the sting out but it also lit a fire under my ass. I do want a promotion. I am capable of more. If it means I need to be all rainbows and unicorns at work for awhile so be it. Bigger and better things at work mean bigger and better things at home so I’m going to embrace it.

But inside – I’m holding on to a little bit of that inner bitch. It got me this far!

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Ducky said...

I read this and Im SO rooting for you! YOU ARE awesome and I love how well you know yourself.

Im not singing praises because I happen to be a "its a job not a slumber party lets make friends" deal. I'm not well liked at my job but its because I don't socialize.

Anyway, the point it is that I am super glad you took the time to write this post. I think that was important as well and part of your process to BIGGER and BETTER things!

I think you're amazing.

Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

There's constructive criticism, and then there's expecting a person to change WHO they are. If you're a cut-and-dry person, that's who you are. And good lord, who can blame you with everything you've been through?

Hang in there sweetie, you should be damn proud of yourself for everything you do!

Caitlin MidAtlantic said...

I think your honesty with your boss will go a long way during your tenure with this company. Sounds like she was really receptive to what you have been going through. And if you're not the most popular girl in the lunch room? Who cares!

Kimberly said...

You shouldn't change who you are. Constructive criticism is one thing, but don't alter yourself. Know who you are and own it.

Natalie @ MamaTrack said...

Wow. You have so much going on. Hang in there. I know it must be hard.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Good for you for knowing your strength and weaknesses, but also being willing to change where needed. That rocks!

Heather said...

You got this.

I help train new managers at my job and one of the things I always tell them is not to change who they are, but to own their strengths and weaknesses. Learn how to highlight your strengths and not let your weaknesses get in your way.

Sounds like you know what you are doing.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

You go girl! I'm glad you used the "criticism" for what it was intended...to grow and I'm glad you had the opportunity to let your supervisor know all that was going on.

I'm doing a fist pump for you!

Shell said...

A little of the inner bitch is a good thing.

I'm glad that you were able to share with her what has been going on. And YAY for the possibility of a promotion!


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