Drumroll please........I have an announcement to make

In my defense, I attempted to post this but my internet was down....AGAIN. I really need to call Brighthouse!

I have been promising BIG NEWS for almost a week now. I've always thought there is nothing worse than a tease so I am finally ready for the big reveal.

We are happy to say that after 22 months, 19 cycles, countless doctors appointments, medication up the ying yang, tears, frustration and general insanity - we finally saw this -





I was initially waiting for the results of my beta to make the announcement but I won't get those until Tuesday as my doctor's office closed on Thursday without giving me the results. Argh. We told family today and every stick I pee on tells me I'm pregnant so we're going to believe it.

Our estimated due date is February 3, 2011. So far I've been feeling okay. I've had some morning sickness and get nauseous if I go to long without eating. I'm dealing with your usual headaches and cramps and am ready for bed at 9 most nights. I'm not complaining though. This is what we have been waiting for.

Needless to say - I cancelled the appointment with the new RE. I'm so glad 100mg of Clomid was all we needed as we had no idea how we were going to come up with the money for anything more invasive. To everyone still struggling with IF - my heart goes out to you and I will keep praying you see that BFP! I am so excited to be going through this latest adventure. Right now we still have a ton of questions - is it one or two? Will I be considered high risk given my small size? Can I fly to Houston at the end of June? I'm glad I have all of you to share this journey with!

Pour Your Heart Out - Infertility sucks

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out.

Click over to her to read the Rules.

Infertility sucks.

No really - it does on so many levels. This is 17 cycles now since going off birth control with nothing. I have been poked, prodded, interrogated and taken all sorts of medication which turned me into a basket case. My husband has sat in a little room and "produced" a "sample" so they could test his manhood. All this in our desire to have a child together. I no longer bat an eyelash when I'm asked to hop up on a table so they can insert the "wand" in me and scan my girly parts. I have learned to say thank you when told I have beautiful ovaries or great eggs. I can tell you the pros and cons of different medications and protocols, which positions are best, what to use, what not to use, etc etc. That's all well and dandy - BUT I"M STILL NOT PREGNANT!!!

It is tough to feel like you failed month after month. To have your body be your biggest enemy. It took my hubby a bit to catch on to how hard all this was on me. For one - he already has two kids so this would just be a bonus for him. For two - he kept thinking it would just happen on its own. Somewhere in the last three months he realized that the chances of that were slim to none. He started asking me about IUI's and IVF, the cost involved, what my doctor would want to do next. Which has helped. A little. So far I have done one cycle of Femara - which I didn't respond to at all, then a cycle of 25mg of Clomid with Ovidrel which wasn't much better - those were through the give us all your money reproductive endocrinologist. I then went back to my Ob/Gyn who happens to specialize in hormones. I have done two cycles of 50mg of Clomid - if this month didn't do it for us we are going up to 100mg for three months. They are also pricing IUI for me since he does them in the office. The neat part is my doctor will actually have my husband be the one to inject (deposit?) the sample into me after the catheter is placed so we will still be the ones to have made the baby. They also work with you to keep the rates manageable.

I have learned not to get my hopes up anymore. I also respond honestly when most people ask rude or insensitive questions about when we will have kids. I've found it shuts them up pretty quickly. It's tough because there are even times when family will say the wrong thing because they don't grasp just how painful the whole experience is. I cry to my hubby at least once a week about it and I don't think that's the Clomid talking. I do have a few things that make me optimistic - this past month I could really feel the Clomid working - I had pain and twinges and just knew when I ovulated - that has never happened before. I also ovulated around cycle day 17 which is early for me. So maybe the 100mg will do the trick - or maybe it won't. Regardless of the outcome - I can always go back to watching 16 and Pregnant and shouting at the unfairness of it all. Sometimes a good bitch fest about the idiots that are able to bear children makes it all a little easier.

Emerging from my black hole...

Knock. Knock.
Hello? Diana?
Hrmph
Just wondering if you were ever coming back to the blogging world. You’ve been gone a week now!
Mmm. Mmm hmmm.

It’s been a week here in our household!

I will sum up Thanksgiving as stressful, exhausting and highly successful.

I tallied two fullout blowouts – one with Joey (complete with tears, yelling, and a slammed door or two) and one with someone else right after Joey and I had wrapped up our disagreement. The 2nd argument was completely unnecessary as Joey had just explained to this person what we had just fought about and that neither one of us was in a good mood but I guess they missed the hint and took something I said the wrong way. Oh well, you live and learn and it all ended up working out in the end.

I was up at 5:30 on Turkey Day to start the bird and the ham and Joey got up as soon as the house warmed up enough for him. He tackled cleaning up the yard since that was where we were eating. I’m warning you now I don’t have any pictures since I was too busy going crazy to snap any. Luckily Joey’s aunt and uncle took a few so I will post those whenever I get copies. My mom and dad showed up around 10am to help me (search for my sanity) and everyone else arrived throughout the afternoon. We ended up with 15 adults, 7 kids, 3 dogs and amazingly 0 arguments! There was enough food to have fed three more families and plenty of joking, ribbing and stories shared. I finished doing dishes around 11pm and passed out.

Friday was a lazy day for me. Joey went to work with my brother-in-law on a project and I read a book, ate leftovers, took a bath and vegetated. It was divine.

Saturday I spent the day at my sister’s we had Starbuck’s, got pedicures, lounged, read and set up her tree. Sunday brought my niece’s Regional cheerleading competition – they did AMAZING!!! – and we are Nationals bound. She competes at Disney Monday at 3pm. I took the day off work to cheer her on and am so proud of how hard she has worked this year. The rest of the week has been cleaning, relaxing and just getting back to normal.

The last tidbit is unfortunately we didn’t see a BFP this cycle. We are taking a break from the TTC for a bit though – we have a few bigger things going on that really need to get dealt with first and Joey and I have a feeling once those are sorted out we will see everything else fall into place. We reached this decision together and both feel happy about it.

Rain Rain Go Away!

Tuesday 5/19/09
(My Daddy's 60th Birthday!!)

And then there was Wednesday 5/20/09

It's day 4 of pretty much continuous rain here. I know we need the rain so I'm not going to complain too much but my back is killing me from all this rain. My yard is a swamp. We can't walk the dog and Joey is being a grump from getting soaked at work everyday. I totally understand being miserable from being wet for 8 hours a day but its not my fault! Go complain to the rain gods!

For those following from sk, I'm still in the 2ww - hopefully it'll be a bfp but I'm just not thinking it will. The back pain is too close to what I get before AF. If thats the case then I'm going to go ahead and get the ball rolling on more tests when I go in for my followup us on the 8th.

Life will be crazy busy until then with my Dad's citizenship ceremony tomorrow. Then on Friday we leave for Mississippi to pick Devin up nd bring him back for 5 weeks. Joey is supposed to be handling getting eveything prepared for that and so far...he's put a shelf in Devin's room. Hasn't signed him up for Day Camp yet, pulled his stuff down from the attic, etc. I'm a total organization guru so ordinarily all that would be completed by now but I decided Joey really needs to step up and take care of things since he is Devin's father. He just gets use to me handling everything and doesn't really have the drive to do things himself. I have enough on my pplate already so I decided it was sink or swim time and at almost 31 yrs old - he was going to have to strap on his big boy pants and do things on his own. It really hasn't gone well so far but I'm not giving in!

Well that's my rant for today...I think the rain is making me a little crabby too!

Sometimes it all just works out!

I have to say things seem to all be falling into place the way they should be. Joey and I celebrated our First Wedding Anniversary this past weekend. It was truly a wonderful time and the first time we've really relaxed in quite awhile.

Joey's mom Tonya came over Thursday night and brought us a roast she had made for dinner. It was delish and we enjoyed hanging out with her. She stayed the night and then it was off to work the next day for all of us. After work I spotted Joey at the car wash vacuuming out his truck so I went ahead and had him do my car too. Then it was off to the Chiropractor and a quick stop at Beall's Outlet for the cutest tube tops. That night we took Joey's mom out to dinner for Mother's Day, walked the dog and tucked in early so we could be at UNIVERSAL bright and early. Woo Hoo.

So we woke up around 7am and started getting ready. I packed all the essentials, walked the dog and we were off!

We got to Universal around 8:40 and the park opened at 9 so our timing was perfect. Joey and I really had a blast. The lines were short we managed to ride every ride we wanted to and spent some great quality time together. We didn't leave the park until around 7:30 and we were exhausted. In fact we were so tired we had to have a drink before we continued on.


So Sunday was our actual anniversary and we went over to my Mom and Dad's and spent the day with them and my sister's family. It was a day for lounging poolside and I for one thoroughly enjoyed it.



Now for the best news of all. I went back to the GYN today for a followup ultrasound concerning the HUGE cyst I had and..........the sucker is completely gone! My ovaries look completely healthy and normal with lots of healthy follicles and one dominant follicle on the left ovary so who knows? Maybe this will be our month after all! I go back on the 8th for one more follow up but she said it all looked great and was really pleased.

Joey also has his scopes this week but we already know from the CT scan that he has a hiatal hernia so we've started changing how we cook and eat in order to keep from aggravating it. It's going to be complete lifestyle change for him but for the better I'm sure.

Finally, Two weeks from today we will be on our way back from Mississippi with Devin. We are really looking forward to having him for the month and have started getting his room set up for him again.