Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sucking it Up - PYHO

Over the weekend I had a choice to make. I could continue to hold on to a grudge or move on from it. This was not an easy choice for me at all. My hurt in this situation was justified and I had never received an apology for some rather hurtful things that were said.

But this involved the hubby’s family and with Jellybean on the way it was time to either move on or have to suffer through countless years of weirdness and avoidance.

My dad was the catalyst behind this. (Wise man that he is!) When he was in the hospital after his surgery he pretty much laid it on the line for me. He plainly said that I couldn’t deny Jellybean the other side of his family just because my feelings were hurt. Jellybean didn’t have a choice in this and it wasn’t my place to make the choice for him. That just because Mom was upset he automatically was cut off from Dad’s side of the family. My parents unfortunately had to go through an experience similar to this and I knew deep down that he was right. It was still a tough pill for me to swallow though. (I’m known to be a little stubborn at times.) At the same time I couldn’t live with myself knowing I was causing someone else the same pain and distress I had seen my parents suffer through for the past 20 years.

So I hemmed and hawed over this. I already knew I wouldn’t be seeing Joey’s family over Thanksgiving since we are splitting up this year and spending it with our respective families. (Yes, we figured out what we are doing in the future too. That’s another post!) So when Joey mentioned that he was going to go see his Mom on Sunday since he hadn’t seen her in two months I knew it was time for me to bite the bullet. We were going to the corn maze on Saturday and would already be halfway to his mom’s house then. I had to say something. I didn’t want to.

I would be evil if I made him drive all the way out there two days in a row just because I still had my panties in a wad over something that happened in June. Especially since SO MUCH had changed since then.

I sucked it up and said –“ Why don’t we just go to your mom’s after the corn maze since we’ll already be halfway there?”

I think his eyes about popped out of his head when I said that and his jaw actually hit the floor.

Yep, I was actually being mature about it. We went to the corn maze and had a blast there. Joey absolutely loved it and proclaimed it the best date ever. Honestly he talked about it non stop. We had an ultrasound that morning before hand so he was even more excited since we had just seen Jellybean. Finally it was time to head over to his mom’s.

I knew this was important. I grew up with my grandparents living in ANOTHER COUNTRY so I want Jellybean to be close to his family on all sides. I couldn’t let my emotions prevent my son from having what he deserved and its better to get past that now then once he is here. So this was my baby step in that direction.

And you know what?

It went fine. No one mentioned anything from the past. We all let bygones be bygones and moved on. We have a baby to get excited for. This is no longer about us. HE is what is important and HE will flourish if all of us act like adults. If we surround him with love then he doesn’t need to know what differences we might have between ourselves.

And I hate to admit it, but I do feel better now.

Although – I was still tempted to pick up this sign when I was out with hubby last night –

Shell over at Things I Can't Say hosts - Pour Your Heart Out. It is a place to just get whatever is weighing on your heart out. Please be kind to all of the posters.

***Just a side note - I'm trying to cram in reading and commenting on other blogs into my schedule. The third trimester has made me EXHAUSTED so many times once I get home I don't even turn the computer on. You will probably see my commenting on your past blogs like crazy on Saturday and Sunday mornings so don't be offended if you don't hear from me all week otherwise!


That One Mom said...

I'm totally withyou on that sign! I'm glad the latter part of your day went well!

Charbelle said...

Wow, I know this was really hard, and I can't imagine how much more difficult due to pregnancy hormones but seriously good for you!!! I really dislike when I have to act like a grown up in a situation that makes me mad but holding on to the anger really only hurts us and those we love.

Renegades said...

In my opinion you made a very important move not only for you and your husband but also for jellybean.

Good job.

Shell said...

I'm glad that it went well.

Though, I totally need that sign!

Heather said...

Your dad is very wise.
I am glad it went well. Family, no matter how much you love them, can be a struggle.
Great sign!!

Kim said...

You did yourself a good service by suggesting the trip. You'll be amazed what that small gesture will do for your life. I struggle with family relationships all the time. But since I had my kids, I think of them first. It's not always easy and sometimes feeling angry just feels so right. That third trimester is hard. Take it easy!

Kerri said...

Family is a tricky thing isn't it. I think it's great that you made the effort to put it in the past.

As your son is born and you have your own little close knit family you'll know where to put your energy.

Here's hoping you get some rest and enjoy the rest of the third trimester.


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