Wednesday, November 9, 2011

PYHO - The Unexpected Text

Last Day to enter my VeggieTales Giveaway!! If you have kids or know anyone who does you should totally enter! :)

I got a text a few weeks ago that threw me for a loop. I needed a few hours before I could even respond to it.

Because it left me speechless at first.

Then I thought of all sorts of things I wanted to say but probably shouldn't.

A girl I know sent me a text to say she was pregnant.


Her child will turn a year old this month.

They just got married in September.

Neither person works.

And they are still living with her parents.

Oh to top it off - she is high risk and will spend the majority of her pregnancy on bed rest.

Better yet - this child was planned.

You read that correctly - they planned a second child which they are unable to support on their own.

Now do you see why it took me awhile to be able to squeak out a simple Congrats?

I wanted to say I'm happy for you but - I'm not.

My thought instead is I'm concerned for you and your children.

While you would love to think that all your children need is love, there is more that parents should be able to provide themselves. They need a strong foundation too and part of that foundation is responsible parents who are stable. Who can make the right choices and look ahead.

Its easy to say you have a good relationship and happy marriage when you are living off someone else, the government is providing your medical care and you have live in babysitters who will watch your child whenever you want it.

A true testament to a strong marriage and responsible parents though is being able to get through each day when its just the two of you doing it all.

A strong marriage and good parents is working together to bring the 103 fever down from double ear infections at 4:30am even though you both have to work the next day and then still making dinner and taking care of chores at the end of that day. Its settling for watching Go Diego Go together on the couch at the end of the night because you don't have a babysitter and realizing that its okay.

Its getting up and playing at 5:30 in the morning before you both go to work because someone is up and he clearly wants to play.

It's been a month for us since we have had two paychecks come in. When Joey changed jobs it threw off the whole pay structure we were used to and tomorrow will be his first check in a month. We've been doing some pretty heavy financial gymnastics to get around that. We got through it though. Alone. In fact no one even knew we were tight with money until they asked what we were doing for my birthday and we responded with nothing since we haven't gotten paid yet.

So while I hope that that the baby is happy and healthy at the same time I hope the parents mature and grow to realize that there is a huge difference between playing house and actually bearing all those burdens yourself.

There is a reason we are holding off on #2.

There is a reason why we fall asleep at 8pm some nights with dirty dishes in the sink, dinner out on the counter and hampers overflowing.

There is a reason I wasn't able to say I'm happy for you.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Shell said...

I had a similar reaction to a pregnancy that was announced recently. I cringed. I think I cussed out loud when I was told(not by the mom/dad-to-be, I'm not THAT bad).

There were so many reasons I think they are making a huge mistake.

But. I've since realized that they are having this baby. That nothing I can say will change what's already done. And that they have it hard enough. So now, I'm just trying to support. Hard as it is.

Kristi said...

Totally understand your feelings. It's hard to understand people who don't necessarily think about the responsiblities that go along with their choices. Have a similiar situation with a family member who contiues to have children, go to Disney twice a year, has the best of everything yet wants others to pay for the necessaties.
Have finally made peace with the fact that we will never understand and that we can sleep well at night knowing that our choices have been the right ones for us.
I think this is such an honest post...expressing feelings that many may not want to admit to.
Thanks for sharing...Stopping by from Pour Your Heart Out

Hines-Sight said...

Thank you so much for finding my blog today, and reaching out.

This is such a well written post, and I really understand what you are saying here. It does amaze me how some people think. Well put!

I also agree with you about your Check Your Cart post, too.

And I really like Cadillac.

Anonymous said...

I agree, what a well written post. There's a reason we waited to have kids, we wanted to be good financially, and in our relationship and just be ready in general.

Kristen said...

This is a good post. There are so many people that I see pregnant and think.... *sigh... why didn't you wait? *

I have a ton of things on my mind about this... wish we were friends in real life so we could talk. I think we would have a ton to talk about. Kristen

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

I just don't get people like this at all. Or the people that continue to enable them. Makes me very sad for the children.

Natalie said...

You want babies to have the best start they can...and it's hard when you know that parents aren't living in the "real world." B/c once they do...it will rock their world and the kids might suffer b/c of it.

Niki said...

I believe in the same things you just posted here.

Adrienne said...

I actually had to deal with this in my own family. It's hard to be happy when you know that things are so bad for the kids they are bringing into the world.


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