Finally - A Little Bit of Life

I’ve been thinking about my blog a lot lately and why I haven’t been posting as much.

I know I keep saying that I’m too busy with work, Jellybean, taking care of the house but I’ve always been busy. I still find time to Facebook and to Pin things I’ll never get around to actually doing.

So why haven’t I been blogging?

I figured out that I just don’t “NEED” it like I use to. Blogging was my escape, my little bit of therapy to get away from all the unhappiness and insanity that was going on around me. It was where I could go to talk to my “friends” and not feel like I was alone. Doing everything on my own the past year was rough. I doubted if I could make it through a few times.

Now though – things are different. I gave myself permission to live again. I’m not sitting at home waiting for life to get better. Instead I’m taking part in it.

Does it help that things with the hubby are actually going somewhat well? Oh, definitely. This shift happened before that though. I just got to a point where I realized I needed more. So I went and got it.

I made friends with other toddler moms and at least one evening a week I’m hanging out with them. Jellybean gets to play or devour whatever food they have on hand since we obviously starve the poor child. (Which is why today alone he had the following food packed in his bag – Oatmeal, yogurt, hardboiled egg, strawberries, cereal, snack lunchable of crackers, cheese and mini oreos, spinach/chicken/barley soup, tater tots, green beans and a cookie) I get to talk with other adults and realize I am not the only one who doesn’t have  a perfect house, marriage or child. While I was sitting at home wallowing in how crappy things were I was convinced it was just me. Now talking to my friends and hearing of so many who separated from their hubbies while pregnant or after a child and showing up while they try to randomly stuff messes into closets and cabinets – I take a deep breath and realize we’re all in this together.

I even took a BIG step and created a Facebook group for a bunch of us girls who went to school together. We’re all moms now. We know other moms and we should all talk and hang out. We’re up to 43 members so apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought we needed that.

Since I’m no longer doing everything alone I’ve also found time to just sit outside with Jellybean. His favorite “chore” right now is feeding the chickens.

So yesterday after work while Joey was in class for the night we spent an hour or so in the yard. He fed the chickens while I tidied up the yard. Afterwards we ate dinner, took a shower and it was time for bed.

I didn’t feel stressed out or overwhelmed through it though like I use to. Now I’m sitting down and eating my dinner with him. I didn’t freak out or get upset when he insisted in drinking from my cup and spilled a good portion on himself. Instead I was happy he was trying to master a big boy skill.

I don't know why but I just feel like I am more at peace with everything. I shouldn’t be. We are broke as a joke. I need to look at freelancing jobs but I don’t know if I can handle more work right now. I mean I just started being able to relax. We do need the money so I’m trying to gear myself up to do it.

That still doesn’t really explain why I haven’t been blogging. The answer is – my heart just isn’t into it right now. I’m enjoying my life too much to stop and have to write about it. I don’t have too many deep or drawn out things to write about. Three nights a week I still fly solo as Joey goes to his classes. (He was very proud of himself last night when he came home and could tell me that he and another guy were tested during their break and Joey’s test was clean while the other guy failed. ) My day to day life now is work, home, Jellybean, cooking, cleaning, etc. I haven’t really even had any juicy fights to talk to you guys about. ☺ I think this is just a phase. Or maybe I’ll have to find another direction for my blog to take. I don’t know.

Having a life is turning into a really good thing. I’m enjoying it too much to stop. So while I may be scarce here in bloggyland you can probably find me pulling the Jellybean around the neighborhood in his wagon or maybe we’re at the beach with some friends.

I’ll be back though. I mean something interesting is bound to happen soon.

Just in case I’ll buy a lottery ticket tonight.

That would be worthy of a blog post, right?

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.