When Push Comes to Shove

Marriage is one of those things that is in a constant state of change. Just as you think things are working - something shifts and the dynamic changes.

One of the constants in my marriage is I am the fixer. I have to come up with the sloutions to make things work. Its really not a role I enjoy.

Mainly because it makes me seem like a massive Grade A bitch.

In order for things to remain in some sort of balance I have to make sure that everyone is doing what they are supposed to.

I plan the meals, get myself and Jellybean ready and off to day care and work, cook the meals, pay the bills, manage all the paperwork and do the majority of the housework.

I am also the one that has to figure out how to fix things when the finances go to pot.

Like after your husband is unemployed for over two months and you are behind on the mortgage. And your credit cards are maxed out. Then your son gets C-diff and you miss work unpaid.

To top it off someone strays off the path they were on that you had invested so much of yourself in AND becomes a lazy ASS not moving off the couch all week or doing anything to help you.

You can imagine what a great mood that put me in.

I was so pissed off and bitching so much this weekend that I was tired of hearing myself speak. I can only imagine how Joey felt. Wait scratch that. I know how he felt. Pretty sure he told me to just shut up quite a few times.

I couldn't though. When I'm mad - I need to get it out. Then some more and I might think of something else which I also need to say.

After three days - I finally ran out.

Then I set out to fix things. Because its what I do. Its how I stay sane.

I requested a 401K loan so I can get us current on the mortgage. I found two possibilities for Jellybean's daycare that are less expensove then his current place. One I also prefer because I feel he may get more out of then he is now. I've been dissatisfied with his day care for a bit now and its time to make a change.

I gathered all the tax return stuff and have it in a pile for Joey to take care of. That is his responsibility this year because he would like to get someone else to do them for us. I'm fine with that but its something he need sto spearhead.

I have a plan in place but I also have options if this doesn't work.

I also realized that my way of fighting might make me feel better but it doesn't resolve anything. The more I bitch, moan, whine and poke at Joey the more he retreats. By the end he has tuned me out and we both are miserable.

Tonight though we've hit a truce. He's on the couch eating banana pudding and channel surfing while I blog away.

We made it through any other day and that's an achievement when it comes to marriage.