Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Doing it Right

I have always been a bit of a Type A personality.

I know you are shocked. You never saw that one coming. (despite the million and one posts about how anal retentive I am with my color coded calendars and the hives I break out in when someone else puts my dishes away!)

So when it came to my adult life. I always had a plan in mind.

My life was always going to be get married, buy a house, have a baby. And of course with that came have a good job, make sure I can afford the baby, have health insurance, etc.

So that is exactly what I did.

Because I feel like I owe it to society as a whole to be responsible about my life choices. The last thing we need is to take on something we can’t handle and expect all of you to pay for it. So I didn’t.

That would be why I was shocked and appalled when someone I know (calling this person a friend would be a stretch) asked when we would be having #2!

They had a baby a few months before us.

While living with his family.

On Medicaid.

Only one partner working – so they can qualify for aid.

Getting married in the future (did I mention they can’t support themselves yet?)

And plan on trying for another in the next year.

OMG – I was speechless. But I shouldn’t have been. I should have seen it coming. They have made comments before. I mentioned something about the price of daycare being why we couldn’t go out. Because they leave the baby with their free live in babysitters and go out a lot. Flit around here there and everywhere. I firmly believe that once you have a child the going out and doing things on your own needs to be limited anyhow, I mean you chose to have a child so they are after all your responsibility. My response though was I would love to stay home but we have all those very adult responsibilities to take care of that won’t allow it.

A mortgage – which quite honestly gets paid late sometimes. Thank goodness for the 15 day grace period!

Homeowners Insurance. Car payments and insurance. Health insurance for all three of us. Pets. Credit cards. Student loans. Electricity. Cell phone. Groceries.

Shoot, I cut out cable tv to save money.

If I didn’t have a mortgage to pay, we might be able to swing me staying home. But we wouldn’t have health insurance. And that isn’t a risk I am willing to take. Then again if they had to pay rent and all those other bills – they wouldn’t have the luxury to stay home either. Joey’s company is finishing up all the jobs they have right now and he isn’t 100% sure there are more jobs behind it. He is actively searching for other employment options just in case because that is a very scary possibility for us.

I cut corners in every way I can. I cloth diaper. I make Jellybean’s baby food now that he has started solids. I breastfeed and plan on continuing until he is at least a year old.

Still there seems to be more going out then coming in most months.

So do we want more kids?

Without a doubt, yes.

But they too come with a plan. This year we should make a significant dent in our debt. Then once Jellybean is a year old, we can start trying again. Because when he is two, he can move to the toddler room for daycare and it is a little cheaper there. So we can look at how to stretch that budget a little more.

Maybe Jujube will be so cute that they will watch her for free? (Shh..quit snickering!)

But rest assured dear friends – we are only going to take on what we can manage on our own. Because it’s not your responsibility to pay for the kids I want to have.

And don’t worry – you won’t catch me at the bar anytime soon either.

Although – I am known to get pretty drunk on inhaling sweet Jellybean’s baby smell after a bath.

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Shell said...

You are being such a responsible parent!

Anastasia said...

I am not type A at all. But everything you said resonates. It is hard to watch other people follow their dreams and go out, while relying on the govt. I have a job just because it offers insurance. My husband has worked two jobs before. I think govt assistance is there for people who actually need it. If you lost your job or got sick and need assistance. Not people who work the system so they can be fucking lazy. Woo...excuse me. end rant.

Renegades said...

What a great responsible post! Being a parent is hard yet so rewarding.

Elaine A. said...

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who think other's should "pay" for them. I'm glad you're not one of them! :)

Nice to "meet" you today!

Missy said...

People and their choices are unbelievable. Sometimes when I think about it too much, I just get angry. I'm right there with you, girl!

Tara R. said...

This is exactly why my husband and I only have two children. I would have loved to have three, but we knew we could provide for two very well, but any more than that we felt would force compromises that we didn't want to make.

Sara said...

This is great. We have been married three years and a few (but not many) people have asked when we'll have kids.

When we're ready. And can afford it. And when I have a car that I don't have to shut the AC off while I'm stuck in traffic.

I love that you're so responsible and that your priorities are so straight!!

Meghan said...

I TOTALLY agree. Good post (:

Dysfunctional Mom said...

How refreshing to see a responsible couple! I think I've watched too much 16 & Pregnant and become jaded.
Your kid and any future kids are lucky to have parents like you!

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Well said. I can't believe the nerve of some of those people. It's so unfair to stick your kid and your responsibility on someone else so you can have fun. What are they teaching their children?? I'm glad you're setting a good example for Jellybean.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

It's so hard not to judge when you are working so diligently to do things "right" and it seems like others are working the system. Good for you for trying to keep all your ducks in a row!


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