I don't always like my husband.
There are moments where I downright can't stand him.
Since we had Jellybean - my patience for him has gotten much shorter.
This may be directly related to my definite lack of sleep over the past year or so.
Dirty clothing left on the bathroom floor or an unflushed toilet have the capability to send me right over the edge now.
Its not pretty and its not something I'm proud of.
Especially since he is precariously teetering on the same ledge as I am with the feelings of being overwhelmed.
We both have been guilty of making a lot of broad statements and tons of "You" statements -
You never put your clothes away.
You don't do half the work around here that I do.
You always, I never, I always...
It's not fair....
Our bickering has been immature and it hasn't been getting us anywhere.
Unless we are talking about breastfeeding there isn't anything either one of us always or never does.
I usually cook dinner, wash dishes and put laundry away.
The hubby usually takes out the trash, feeds the pets, and handles the yard work.
There are times we flip flop though.
There are also many, many times where neither one of us does anything productive that day.
Our favorite time to pick on the other person -
The fighting though - its not necessary. It makes things tense at home and none of us need that.
So - we are working on it.
The first and hardest step has been trying to use I statements instead of you statements. I know we've all heard it a million times but implementing it is so much harder. Mainly because it’s a lot harder to throw a zinger and get a rise out of the other person when you use I statements. And when you are upset - sometimes you just really are out for blood. So now we try to reword things.
Like the next time I walk in the bedroom and realize it smells like a urinal because someone failed to flush the toilet in the attached bathroom and it has been sitting there all day - I am going to try to say something like -
"Honey, I really prefer if the toilet gets flushed after it is used. I understand that some people follow the whole if its yellow let it mellow theory but I don't think that is a good idea here. I know its just a matter of time before our dear Jellybean is exploring and I would hate for that to be something it gets in to. Perhaps I could hang a little sign above the toilet to remind you?"
"Do you think this might work, darling?"
We also are trying to be more supportive of each other. Like I had asked Joey if he could start making the bed before he leaves in the morning. I use to do this when I was the last one to leave but now that he leaves after /I do - its hard to make the bed while someone is still in it.
So when I came home the other day and found that he had actually remembered to do it - I made it a point to thank him.
Do I still get upset when he parks himself on the couch before I get home from work and then doesn't lift a finger the whole night?
OH MY WORD - YES.
And you can bet your lucky stars that I let him know it. THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG.
This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.