Wednesday, September 21, 2011

PYHO - I Don't Always Like Him

Since we are here to be honest I think I'm going to start my PYHO this week with some brutal honesty.

I don't always like my husband.

It's true.

There are moments where I downright can't stand him.

Since we had Jellybean - my patience for him has gotten much shorter.

This may be directly related to my definite lack of sleep over the past year or so.

Dirty clothing left on the bathroom floor or an unflushed toilet have the capability to send me right over the edge now.

Its not pretty and its not something I'm proud of.

Especially since he is precariously teetering on the same ledge as I am with the feelings of being overwhelmed.

We both have been guilty of making a lot of broad statements and tons of "You" statements -

You never put your clothes away.

You don't do half the work around here that I do.
You always, I never, I always...
 It's not fair....

Our bickering has been immature and it hasn't been getting us anywhere.

Unless we are talking about breastfeeding there isn't anything either one of us always or never does.

I usually cook dinner, wash dishes and put laundry away.

The hubby usually takes out the trash, feeds the pets, and handles the yard work.

There are times we flip flop though.

There are also many, many times where neither one of us does anything productive that day.

Our favorite time to pick on the other person - when they are taking care of Jellybean having fun with Jellybean while the other person is tackling some chores. Both necessary evils and impossible for one person to do at the same time - trust me - I've attempted. But somehow it just makes you want to bitch if you're the one washing a mountain of dishes while you hear giggles and squeals coming from the living room.

The fighting though - its not necessary. It makes things tense at home and none of us need that.

So - we are working on it.

The first and hardest step has been trying to use I statements instead of you statements. I know we've all heard it a million times but implementing it is so much harder. Mainly because it’s a lot harder to throw a zinger and get a rise out of the other person when you use I statements. And when you are upset - sometimes you just really are out for blood. So now we try to reword things.

Like the next time I walk in the bedroom and realize it smells like a urinal because someone failed to flush the toilet in the attached bathroom and it has been sitting there all day - I am going to try to say something like -

"Honey, I really prefer if the toilet gets flushed after it is used. I understand that some people follow the whole if its yellow let it mellow theory but I don't think that is a good idea here. I know its just a matter of time before our dear Jellybean is exploring and I would hate for that to be something it gets in to. Perhaps I could hang a little sign above the toilet to remind you?"

"Do you think this might work, darling?"

We also are trying to be more supportive of each other. Like I had asked Joey if he could start making the bed before he leaves in the morning. I use to do this when I was the last one to leave but now that he leaves after /I do - its hard to make the bed while someone is still in it. Not that I haven't done it before.

So when I came home the other day and found that he had actually remembered to do it - I made it a point to thank him.

Do I still get upset when he parks himself on the couch before I get home from work and then doesn't lift a finger the whole night?


And you can bet your lucky stars that I let him know it. THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG.


We're trying...

This post is linked up with Shell as part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.


Sara said...

Completely feel for you & agree with you here! The same thing happens over at our house, some days it takes everything not to punch Skyler in the head while he is asleep for all the crap he's forgotten (chosen not) to do.

Renegades said...

I have been a SAHM and now I'm going back to work. I've been responsible for the running of the house for the years I've been home and I can tell it's gonna take some kind asking to get my husband in the habit of helping out.

Thank you goes a long long way.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Yeah, the years with kids are tough on marriage, especially an infant! Take it slow and work hard!

Kisma said...

One day at a time.... you will both make it, I just know it. Its an adjustment and there will come a day where you will look back and laugh at all this.

I agree with Renegades, Thank you goes a long, long way.

Shell said...

I've said many times to my husband- or at least thought it- that I love him, but I don't like him.

Especially during that first year after we had our first. B/c it was SO hard making the adjustment.

Sounds like you are doing the right things to push through, though. It gets easier, really. xo

Jessica @ My Simply Complicated said...

Can I first just say - oh my gosh, you're not alone!?

Sometimes liking that other person is the hardest part of things. Loving them seems to come naturally, at least for me. But, liking them can be an entirely different story.

Don't get me wrong - I do like my other half the majority of the time, but we do go through stages like this. Unfortunately (I guess?), it's mostly me who gets like this. It's always right when I'm overloaded with others things to worry about - work, etc. - that he decides to slack on something and it drives me crazy.

BUT, like you, I've tried to step back now and realize that I'm overreacting. I've learned that I make it worse for myself when I react that way, too. Like if I'd just stop and think for a minute before reacting, I'd end up much happier in the end because I wouldn't end up on a guilt trip later that night, too...

So happy to see a couple that knows it's hard work, but they're willing to do it!


Kakunaa said...

This could not have come at a better time as I nearly murdered my husband last night for not thinking to wash the diapers and baby clothes when he went to do laundry yesterday because I didn't SPECIFICALLY tell him to. There was very nearly blood shed. It is SOOOOO DIFFICULT some days. I completely understand, and was so going to do this post! HUGS!

Big D and Me said...

Struggling with this right now - I know I love my guy but there are certain things that are driving me nuts. Nice to hear others say they are working on things too


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