Daddy Gotta Fix It

The moment that made up for my toddler being a brat most of the day.

I'm changing Jellybean in to dry clothes after the pool when he says he needs to go potty. So we walk over and he's standing there trying to do his thing.

He looks at me and says "My peepee won't come out. My penis is broken."

Through the tears, I say "Oh yeah, what do we do?"

He looks at me seriously, nodding and answers "Daddy gotta fix it!"

At that point I lose it to hysterical laughter and almost drop Jujube.

Oh..hey there

So I kind of left you guys hanging,

I told you about giving birth to this beautiful boy -

and then I fell off the bloggy world.

Well I had a rough go of it. I actually had my uterus rupture during my VBAC attempt. So my OB initially said - "No More Babies." I disagreed - more on that later.

If that wasn't enough - I was back in the hospital a week later. My gall bladder shut down on me and I had more surgery to get that out.

I stayed with my parents for two weeks recovering. It was brutal. Since then - life has just been busy. Play dates, splash pads, camping and such. I figured out I'm really good at this SAHM thing. I haven't missed work at all. So our plan is to have me go back just until we've paid off our debt and established some savings. Then I'll be mom - full time. To both my boys.

Next month I meet with the perinatologist to review my case. I think my odds are pretty good for future pregnancies. And we want more.

I love being a mom to two even if Jellybean drives me crazy with his toddler antics. He is a total parrot now and cracks us up with the things he'll say. Jujube amazes us. He's rolling over already! Nurses like a champ. Hates the car seat and the baby gym.

Jellybean adores Jujube and needs to know where he is as soon as he wakes up.

And me - I'm tired, sleep deprived, broke - and loving every second of it.

Meet Jujube

7lb 2.2oz, 19 inches 4:58 am

Tried a Vbac in the OR since I went from 5cm to 10 in less then an hour but ended up with a csection due to decels and uterine bleeding.

He's perfect! Already nursing like a champ!

Show Time!

We think its Show time! My Mom and Dad are at the house w/Jellybean. Pretty sure my water broke and contractions are about every six-seven minutes apart. If its not a false alarm then Jujube decided my half birthday was a good day to be born!

And now we wait...

Friday marked 37 weeks pregnant for me. As in 2 weeks longer then I went with Jellybean.

Jellybean came home at 37 weeks weighing 3 lbs 13oz.

Jujube passed his NST within 5 minutes on Friday. He’s measuring in the 65^th percentile. As in if I make it to my scheduled csection day I could conceivably have an 8.5lb baby.

I am SO ready to not be pregnant anymore.

I tried to encourage him out over the weekend. Walking around the flea market, Home Depot and Babies R Us. Cleaning the house. Cooking. Planting a garden. Playing soccer in the front yard with Jellybean.

Jujube yawned through it and nestled in tighter…with an evil laugh.

Last night, Jellybean pretended to fall asleep. As soon as I snuck out and got comfortable on the couch he snuck out.

 

“Hi Mommy, I wake up!” (BIG SMILE)

 

Then he sat down on the couch, grabbed my bag of chips I was snacking on and watched River Monsters with Daddy.

If you can’t beat ‘em – join em!

The night did not get much better from there. If I managed to get comfortable enough to fall asleep – I had to pee. The crazy cats were hogging the bed. The dog had a dream which involved running, while laying against the wall so I was woken up to the sound of his paws scraping the wall. Then I had to pee – again.

I’m ready to not be pregnant anymore. I’m actually looking forward to a few days in the hospital.

The house, for the most part is ready. Bags are packed and I’m sure after a last minute nesting binge I’ll have taken care of all the minor last minute things left to do. My freezer cannot hold another meal. Jellybean just wants me to be able to run run run with him already.

I’ve ordered the pieces that went missing from my breast pump. Ordered a few pieces of nursing wear. And now I’m waiting. Taking Primrose Oil. Drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea. Bouncing on the ball whenever Jellybean isn’t stealing it from me. Really hoping to go before 39+3. Because I’m emotional and bitchy. Tired. I can handle a newborn and a toddler. There’s naps involved there. This shit though? Its no fun at all.

 

Uncharted Territory

Today I am 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant with Jujube.

 

At this point Jellybean had been in the world for 6 days and I believe had stepped down to the Level 2 NICU. We were trekking back and forth between the hospital and the Ronald McDonald House.

 

At his birth at exactly 35 weeks Jellybean weighed 3lbs 2oz.

 

Jujube was estimated at 5lb 12oz during his ultrasound at 35 weeks.

 

This my friends is uncharted territory.

 

I can assure you this – I don’t do the end of pregnancy well.

 

AT ALL.

 

At home – I’m downright bitchy.

 

I’m tired.

 

I have no patience.

 

I hurt. My GOD do I hurt.

 

Jujube has had his bony little butt in the same spot for about three weeks now. I am literally sore from the inside out.

 

The shooting hip pain had begun. As in it stops me in my tracks and I cry out.

 

I’ve given him permission to join us on April 27. I’ll be 37 weeks that day. I’m ready. (Physically that is.)

 

Logistically – I still have a ton to do. I have lists.

 

Hospital bag lists.

People to contact for help lists.

Freezer meal lists.

Cleaning lists.

Things left to do lists.

Bills lists.

 

I then ignore those lists every night and just try to get through until bedtime. Where I may or may not sleep.

 

My csection is officially scheduled for may 13. Where I will be 39+3. Which no one in my family has ever made it to. And I sincerely hope to go into labor before then. My plan is to really, truly get everything finished this weekend. Come hell or high water.

 

Then I wait. Start encouraging Jujube to come. With chiropractic, herbs and sex, lots of sex. I’ve warned Joey.

 

My body is getting ready. He’s dropping. I’m sleeping. I’m leaking.

 

I’m glad we’re almost done. I want to meet him. Love on him. Introduce Jellybean to being a big brother. Chug down a large frozen adult beverage – wait? What? Yeah..I said it.

 

So Jujube… just waiting to meet you. Love you. See you.

 

Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.

About time I caught up with you guys!

I'm writing this on my phone. From a recliner at the OB office during my weekly NST.

I'm 34 weeks today with Jujube.

Jellybean was born at 35 weeks. So far Jujube looks to be avoiding Jellybean's problems. In fact he is already much bigger then Jellybean was when we brought him home. Much to the dismay of my hips and back! And oh, the heartburn! Its ruthless.

Jellybean talks about the baby a lot now. And tries out most of his stuff. We have maternity pictures on Sunday and a baby shower the following weekend. There's bags to pack, diapers to buy and a house to clean but we're essentially ready.

And excited...but nervous!

Life is going to change in a big way.

Weigh In Wednesday

How far along are you? 31 weeks 5 days

Forget those comparisons of baby to fruit - what animal do you most feel like right now? If I'm trying to get off the couch or bed - a turtle on its back. Otherwise...a baby hippopotamus.

How many cup sizes have you gone up already? Where do you think you'll end up? 2. I'm comfortably filling a D. Once my milk comes in -probably a DD. On a 5' frame. Perhaps I can pick up a moonlighting gig?

How many times a day/night do you pee? 2,748...give or take a few!

Are you ever disappointed after running to the bathroom to pee? Feeling surely there must be more then that? Half the day. There are times where a teaspoon trickles out. And I waddled quickly for that?

Have you found anything that doesn't give you heartburn? Negative. Sleeping apparently causes heartburn as its been waking me up at night. Oh wait Pepcid and Zantac don't!

What are you tired of hearing? You look so cute! No, no I don't. I look pregnant and I have competing bumps in the front and back. It hurts to sit and it hurts to stand.

What are you looking forward to? 3D ultrasound on Saturday!

I Didn't Know I was Pregnant

I can guarantee – You will never, ever catch me on an episode of that show!

Monday Moans

I slept wrong on Saturday night and a muscle in my neck is not happy about it at all. I trudged through the pain on Sunday to get everything done and finally managed to fall asleep last night. Despite telling the hubby to come to bed a zillion times since he was falling asleep on the couch, he didn't. So then Jellybean woke up around 11:30, saw the light from the TV and wanted to get up too and watch "TB". It wasn't night night time anymore since the TB was on. After an hour, he finally fell back asleep. And I couldn't. Because now my neck hurt again and my heartburn was kicking. Then I had to pee. Then Jellybean woke up again. (Repeat cycle ad nauseum)

 

So its Monday, I'm back at work on about 4 hours of sleep and my neck still hurts.

 

Thank goodness tonight's dinner is a frozen pizza and salad!

So This Is What Hell Feels Like

I have a sinus infection.

 

A “I can feel the snot vibrating in my ears every time I blow my nose” sinus infection.

 

A “The pressure is making my teeth hurt” sinus infection.

 

A “I’m almost 8 months pregnant and absolutely miserable” sinus infection.

 

The minute clinic  won’t see you if you’re pregnant. My GP was useless when I was breastfeeding so I doubt he would be helpful when pregnant. So I called the OB office, somewhat begging, for a prescription. My OB is off today. Of course. They are trying to track him down so he can call something in.

 

In the meantime, I’m dying here. At my desk. At work. Because I can’t take a sick day since I missed almost 4 days while Jellybean had the plague. And I have at the most 9 weeks of work left before maternity leave. This obviously means I need to go ahead and start playing the lottery. That way I can afford sick days.

 

Because this shit – sucks!

 

Good things about today. Jellybean woke up happy. At 6am. Walked out, sat on the couch and started watching Cars 2 for the bajillionth time. As in we just watched it last night. While munching on some cereal. Happily walked in the door at day care without a glance back at me.

 

Dinner is ready to pop in the oven as soon as I walk in the door. I really love meal planning sometimes. When I stick to it, it makes my life so much easier!

 

Now I’m going to resume not breathing. And whining. In tandem.

Abandoned

Yes, I know. I abandoned all of you. I swear it hasn't been intentional.

I've just been busy. Plus we've been sick for pretty much the past month. On top of running my mommy group and you know, incubating a child. Oh and working full time!

Forgive me?

So what have we been up to? Joey attended a course to earn his med gas certification. He's now looking for a new job using that. It will pay significantly more. Long term plan is to eventually have me stay home if things pan out.

Jellybean, poor jellybean, he caught a nasty virus that had him down and out over a week, fever, blisters, no appetite. It was pitiful. He's back to normal now though and a total goofball. He's obsessed with cars, trucks and trains. We watch Cars 2 & Mater's Tall Tales a lot. Chatterbox, smart as a whip and just as mischievous. It's been pretty cool watching his personality develop and come out!

Jujube - 30 weeks along now. And I feel it! I failed my one hour glucose and passed my 2. So far growth ultrasounds have been good. I'll on OB appointments every two weeks now with a non stress test at each one and continuing growth ultrasounds every three weeks. So, I basically live at the OB office. If I go into labor before my scheduled c section date then our plan is to have me labor at home as long as possible and basically show up at the hospital ready to push so I can have a VBAC. Things are slowly coming together at home. One thing I know I don't need is clothes. Holy beejeezus - we have a ton!

I'll try to not be as much of a stranger if I can!

Potty Talk

The quickest way to end any adult conversation -

Leave your toddler bare bottomed as part of potty training.

Start serious conversation.

Toddler announces he needs to go potty.

Conversation transforms into "He needs to go potty!"

"You need to go potty?"

Head to the potty.

No not that one. The other one.

Potty Dance.

What were we talking about?

Don't Tell Me it's a Choice

As I’ve mentioned before – I run a mommy group on Facebook. It covers a pretty wide geographic area and has many mom’s that are very likeminded to my parenting style and others who aren’t. I’m fine with that. We have moms who breastfeed, moms who don’t vaccinate, moms who do. Cosleeping, cry it out etc.

 

For the most part – we all get along.

 

Until this past weekend. When a post went up that seemed innocent enough but it quickly upset quite a few of us.  (I got the PM’s to prove it!)

 

One of the members posted asking how to handle the “What do you do all day?” question for a SAHM.

 

Then she quickly shoved her foot so far in her mouth I hope she choked on it.

 

She stated that she has friends who CHOOSE to continue their career after having kids but they decided to make sacrifices so she could stay at home.

 

I flipped my shit.

 

Continuing to work has not been a CHOICE for myself or any of my friends. It is a necessity. I don’t know a single one of us who CHOOSES to work three full time jobs. I am awake by 5:30 most mornings and may finally lay down at 11pm at night.

 

Trust me – it’s not by choice.

 

Her child is in preschool 5 days a week. She has numerous check-ins at spas, nail salons, Botox treatments, restaurants etc. They take vacations all the time.

 

Yet she speaks of the sacrifices they make.

 

I get a haircut every six months. I hot glued my sneakers when they started to fall apart and finally bought a new pair for $25 on clearance at Christmas when I couldn’t fix them any longer. Our last vacation involved staying in a KOA cabin and walking around Savannah just sightseeing as that was the extent of our budget.

 

Half my home didn’t have lights for two months because we couldn’t afford to fix them.

 

Tell me again about your sacrifices.

 

I don’t resent anyone the things they have. I really don’t. As long as my children are happy and well taken care of – I’m happy. I find joy in small things. A beautiful sunrise on the way to work. Meeting up with some girlfriends to walk around the park. I don’t NEED the other stuff.

 

Our reality though is that we need to work two jobs – to pay the bills, to have health insurance, to feed and clothe our kids. If circumstances change somewhere down the road then we may reevaluate our situation but for now – this is it. I would gladly sacrifice even more if I had to.

 

A choice though? Choosing to drop my child off with someone else for 50 hours every week? Choosing to have my husband only see him on the weekends since he has to travel for work so much? Choosing to spend my weekends cooking, cleaning and running errands when I’d rather play with the booger? No – it’s not a choice.

 

80% of my friends are SAHM’s – I know that their job is equally hard. Many of them homeschool, they have side businesses they do from home and try to juggle it all. Its catching a bite to eat during nap time and being on call and meeting demands 16 hours a day at the very least. It’s not glamorous. It’s exhausting, draining and the hardest job you will ever do. I know I am way more exhausted after a weekend at home with Jellybean then I ever am after a day at work. At least at work I can pee alone and eat a full meal. So yes – I respect every SAHM and truly think they have a difficult job.

 

It is a choice though. A choice I would gladly make if I could.

 

I can’t though so don’t tell me I’m making a choice.

 

Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.

 

Pregnancy Randomness

I can’t remember the last time I blogged.

 

I finally read some blogs in my reader this morning. But didn’t comment on any of them. I’m not very verbose at 3am. That’s the time I’ve been up since.

 

So yeah, I’m a shitty blogger.

 

Speaking of shit. Guess who was lucky enough to catch a stomach bug last week. At six months pregnant?

 

Yup, started off down south and then I got realy nauseous. Knew I had to leave work. Knew I had to leave the car seat at day care so Joey could pick Jellybean up.

 

Puked all over myself and the car on the way home. Didn’t move for the next 18 hours.

 

Then Joey caught it. And his truck broke down. Its still sitting in our driveway. Immobile.

 

At least Jellybean didn’t get it.

 

Jujube?

 

He’s growing right on track.

 

And HE IS WILD!

 

Had my belly jumping like crazy last night, You could see it from across the room. Freaked Jellybean out!

 

Also? From the right angle (or wrong angle?) –my belly button now looks like a penis. Not kidding. I’ll try to get a picture for you guys. I’ve always had this weird innie/outie type belly button that actually looks like a button. So now that it’s popped it kind of has a head on it and looks like. Well THAT!

 

Which is funny since Jujube gives us a great shot of his genitals at every ultrasound  so all I can picture is that he’s there..poking it out.

 

Wrong, so wrong I know. But funny!

 

On that note – I’ll resume chugging this sweet tea since I’ve been up since 3. I get to sleep in until 4:30 tomorrow to take Joey to work.

 

Contain your jealousy!

 

114 Days

 

114 Days.

 

If everything goes as planned that is how long I have until I am officially a mommy of two. In fact if all goes as planned then by this time on May 10, I will be a mommy of two already.

 

114 Days.

 

Currently my house still only has working lights/electrical outlets in half of it. An entire bedroom is being used as a storage space. We need to replace carpet in two rooms. All my newborn stuff is in boxes, the attic and other random places.

 

Between Christmas and Jellybean’s birthday – it looks like Toys R Us threw up in my living room. I need to put clean sheets on all the beds. Vacuum. Wash dishes and put away dishes.

 

114 Days.

 

Plan a registry. Find hidden money since rewiring our house cost us a bundle. Get some freezer meals stocked up. Activities for Jellybean while we’re home.

 

114 Days.

 

And that is why yesterday after work I didn’t head home. I went to my parent’s house. Joey has been working out of town again for the past month and a half. Its hard on Jellybean (and me). He wants his Daddy. I want some help. So yesterday after hearing him ask for two days straight to go see his Babcia and Dziadzo. I did just that. I took him and said screw the chores, the cooking, the cleaning.

 

In 114 Days – his world is going to be rocked. He will no longer be the only one. He’ll be sharing Mommy, Daddy and everyone else. So for 114 Days – its okay to spoil him a little more than usual. To wait until he’s in bed to do all the grown up stuff. To take turns sleeping next to him or letting him sleep in our bed. To give him popsicles before bed.

 

Because in 114 Days, he will no longer be our only baby.

 

Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out

 

Tired...Just Tired

So dang tired of Joey being out of town for work all the time. I don't recall signing up to be a single mom who works full time while five months pregnant and caring for a toddler,a home and a small zoo.

Yes, I'm whining and yes, it's well deserved. This mom needs a break!

So Taboo!

I’ve mentioned before that I host a mommy group on Facebook and I’m also on a breastfeeding support group on there too.

 

Both really great groups with really great people.

 

Given that we are all mom’s on there its safe to say that we all have at least one thing in common.

 

Yet most of the moms are terrified to bring up any questions dealing with it. In fact it remains a Taboo subject.

 

SEX

 

I can venture to say that in most cases – barring IUI and IVF – you in fact had sex in order to now be a mom. Hopefully you even enjoyed it. You might miss it. You might not. You might wonder if you will ever want it again. You might scream if your significant other even attempts to touch you in a sexual manner within the next year because by GOD you need to get some sleep and heaven forbid you get pregnant again.

 

All normal.

 

AND NOT TABOO.

 

We are sexual creatures by nature. Its normal. We should want it – or not right after having a kid.

 

My sex drive took about six months to come back after Jellybean. I didn’t really want it until around a year.

 

Regardless – we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it. Ask questions. Support each other.

 

Don’t speak about it in hushed voices. Worry there is something wrong with you in silence.

 

Be proud, embrace it.

 

You didn’t make a baby by not having sex. You should want to have it again some time.

 

You should worry about your marriage or relationship. Want to know how to keep intimacy in it until you are ready. That makes you a good partner.

 

I address it by hosting a mommy group at my house about every six months where we all get together and talk about it all – marriage, sex, relationships, our bodies. Without fear. Without shame.

 

Be brave – host one yourself. Your friends will be grateful to you!

 

2013 - The Year I Will

I don't believe in resolutions. I think they just set you up for failure. And once you fail you feel like its pointless to try to pick back up and try again.

So I don't have resolutions for 2013 but I do have goals.

 1)      Be more financially resposible.

     i.   Pay down our debt

     ii.  Stick to a budget

    iii. Be less impulsive with our money

 2)      Counter productive to #1 but take a babymoon with Joey. Without Jellybean. We need it. Our marriage needs it. Jellybean needs a weekend away from us before Jujube gets here. I'll find something inexpensive and sometime in February we will go and we will enjoy it. Even though I'll be sick with worry half the time!

 3)      Make more time for myself. Even if its by force. It may just mean going to Starbucks for an hour. I went to Panera on my lunch break a few weeks ago and just ate and relaxed by myself. It was divine. I need more of that and less of trying to do it all.

 4)      Make our marriage a priority everyday.

       i.   Joey works out of town a lot and a lot of overtime. It seems like weekends are the only time we can get anything done. By doing it all on the weekends we lose time for each other.

       ii.  This month I will declutter our entire house one way or another. Creating less work for us and more time for each other.

      iii. We've started Saturday night "family" date nights on the couch. We make a special dinner we really want – steak, crab legs, etc. We enjoy it and then pull the sofa bed out, pop some popcorn and lay on the couch and watch a movie as a family. Jellybean fall sasleep in the first half hour and then its just us. Enjoying each other. We need more of that.

5)  Find a new job. I need something that pays better. Hopefully closer to home. With more flexible hours or better PTO. My sister keeps urging me to look into HR/recruiting since many times you can work from home and it pays well. With my background in marketing it may be a good fit for me. I need to do my research.